- Joined
- May 24, 2019
- Posts
- 261
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- 0
- Likes
- 282
- Points
- 108
- Location
- Munich, Germany
- Sexuality
- 100% Gay, 0% Straight
- Gender
- Male
Hey, I love to be dominated and humiliated when having sex. I just love to feel inferior, worthless like a total slut. I am not sure why exactly that is such a turn on for me, I have a good gues, but when a man that in my perception is superior to me dominates, humiliates and uses me like I´m his property, I feel like I am complete like I´m living my purpose.
However, I only crave those feelings during sex or when I´m horny but not in my everyday live.
So the question is: How did this happen?
In general I think I´m not a dominant person, I would say I am somewhere in the middle of the spectrum between submissive and dominant personality.
But I am a very sexual person. I discovered pretty early that my penis can do other things then just pee. Also I came to appreciate the beauty of men at a pretty early age. But it took quite a while for me to acutally have sex with a man. I was 22 when it happend.
Male beauty for me always had to do whith what probably is considered a masculine appearance. Even when I was a young boy, I loved to watch those Hercules movies from the idk 60s or 70s which featured those bodybuilding guys in tiny shorts, showing of their huge and hard bodies. My favorite scense always were those in which Hercules had to suffer and fight through something in order to save something or somebody.
And if I´m very honest with you guys, not only did I love to watch Hercules doing his heroic suffering and saving, but heck, I also loved to watch another (in most depictions pretty fit and handsome) son of god, being humiliated, suffering and saveing everybody. Good old Jesus Christ himself.
Guess what pre-teenage young me took away from all that were mostly 2 things:
1st: Men ARE fit/muscular/masculine.
2nd: Suffering is necesarry and good.
Then puberty kicked in and my love and appreciation for masculinity, muscles, body hair, beards, grew even bigger and I thought one day i would have all of that. But it never happened. I was a chubby, somewhat feminine, sensitive and soft teenager who realized that he was totally gay. Then with that realization came suffering of my own. I felt completley alone growing up in a rural area, there was nobody I could turn to, and I dealt with all of that desires and pain on my own and I had no idea what to do. And I was still far from accepting my homosexuality. So I hid and pretended to be "normal", but still inside of me, all those things moved and did something.
Guess what those things did to teenage me then, was this:
1st: The disappointment about my physical body lead me to see masculine men as superior.
2nd: As a consequence, I started feeling inferior, at least compared to masculine men, and I felt like I was lacking masculinity of my own.
3rd: I created the idea of filling the void that I perceived, created by the absence of my own masculinity, with the masculiniy of those superior men.
4th: Since I learned suffering was good, I had to suffer in order to save, in this case myself. And what better way then to suffer from that what one craves most?
And there we go, I was a young adult, still hiding his homosexuality, living in a rural area in which people looked down on or outright despised my kind, seeking out masculine men to give my body to them, to humiliate me, take control over me, own me and make me suffer and let their masculinity enter my body in order to save myself.
At first I only sucked cock, but soon I wanted more. I wanted to be fucked and feel the ultimate representation of masculinity, a hard cock, deep in my guts. Those acts alone were pretty humiliating back then in my perception. I still was struggeling with accepting my sexuality and everybody around me, saw homosexuality as filthy and humiliating anyways, so I guess I drew from that.
But I think I was one of the lucky ones and came to terms with who I was and what I wanted. That also meant that being homosexual alone, was not enough anymore to feel humiliated. Cause even after accepting myself the need for humiliation, domination and being owned, stayed and I looked for other means to fullfill those desires.
So I think that´s basically my story.
What do you guys think? Any similar experiences? Or you think I am a total freak?
However, I only crave those feelings during sex or when I´m horny but not in my everyday live.
So the question is: How did this happen?
In general I think I´m not a dominant person, I would say I am somewhere in the middle of the spectrum between submissive and dominant personality.
But I am a very sexual person. I discovered pretty early that my penis can do other things then just pee. Also I came to appreciate the beauty of men at a pretty early age. But it took quite a while for me to acutally have sex with a man. I was 22 when it happend.
Male beauty for me always had to do whith what probably is considered a masculine appearance. Even when I was a young boy, I loved to watch those Hercules movies from the idk 60s or 70s which featured those bodybuilding guys in tiny shorts, showing of their huge and hard bodies. My favorite scense always were those in which Hercules had to suffer and fight through something in order to save something or somebody.
And if I´m very honest with you guys, not only did I love to watch Hercules doing his heroic suffering and saving, but heck, I also loved to watch another (in most depictions pretty fit and handsome) son of god, being humiliated, suffering and saveing everybody. Good old Jesus Christ himself.
Guess what pre-teenage young me took away from all that were mostly 2 things:
1st: Men ARE fit/muscular/masculine.
2nd: Suffering is necesarry and good.
Then puberty kicked in and my love and appreciation for masculinity, muscles, body hair, beards, grew even bigger and I thought one day i would have all of that. But it never happened. I was a chubby, somewhat feminine, sensitive and soft teenager who realized that he was totally gay. Then with that realization came suffering of my own. I felt completley alone growing up in a rural area, there was nobody I could turn to, and I dealt with all of that desires and pain on my own and I had no idea what to do. And I was still far from accepting my homosexuality. So I hid and pretended to be "normal", but still inside of me, all those things moved and did something.
Guess what those things did to teenage me then, was this:
1st: The disappointment about my physical body lead me to see masculine men as superior.
2nd: As a consequence, I started feeling inferior, at least compared to masculine men, and I felt like I was lacking masculinity of my own.
3rd: I created the idea of filling the void that I perceived, created by the absence of my own masculinity, with the masculiniy of those superior men.
4th: Since I learned suffering was good, I had to suffer in order to save, in this case myself. And what better way then to suffer from that what one craves most?
And there we go, I was a young adult, still hiding his homosexuality, living in a rural area in which people looked down on or outright despised my kind, seeking out masculine men to give my body to them, to humiliate me, take control over me, own me and make me suffer and let their masculinity enter my body in order to save myself.
At first I only sucked cock, but soon I wanted more. I wanted to be fucked and feel the ultimate representation of masculinity, a hard cock, deep in my guts. Those acts alone were pretty humiliating back then in my perception. I still was struggeling with accepting my sexuality and everybody around me, saw homosexuality as filthy and humiliating anyways, so I guess I drew from that.
But I think I was one of the lucky ones and came to terms with who I was and what I wanted. That also meant that being homosexual alone, was not enough anymore to feel humiliated. Cause even after accepting myself the need for humiliation, domination and being owned, stayed and I looked for other means to fullfill those desires.
So I think that´s basically my story.
What do you guys think? Any similar experiences? Or you think I am a total freak?
