I need help. I was in a very abusive relationship for four years. The guy was older and had total control over me, which I didn't mind in the beginning. I sacrificed a lot of my freedom and youth for him. I was in love and very much dickmatized; even though he wasn't handsome or didn't have the best body, he had the best fucking dick ever HUGE and he knew how to please me. Not only once, but we would have sex five, six, seven, or even nine times a day if we had the time. We were addicted to each other. We would even hate fuck when we would have a fight, we would have sex anywhere and everywhere. It was the best sex I would ever have. NOW A year later , after breaking up with him, I still can't forget him. I've tried everything, sleeping with different men to forget how it was, but that only made me want him more. I've tried new experiences, like having my first threesome , and I'm even in a new relationship right now. This new guy is in many ways , so much better than him, but I also see some serious red flags with him (maybe for another thread ). BUT THE SEX! I just can't forget this man, bro. I miss the way he kissed me, touched me, grabbed me, talked to me, choke me, looked at me, and fucked me. I miss touching his body, feeling his 23 cm inside me and contemplating destroying me. I miss calling him "Daddy." I miss when he hit me. We had such rough sex; he wasn't afraid to hurt me , and I liked that so much. Afterwards, we would hug , laying naked together. Sometimes, I would ask him to keep his cock in, and we would fall asleep like that, so he would wake up again in a few seconds to keep fucking me. I don't know what to do. I can't go back to him; it was the worst. I wasn't allowed to do anything! I wasn't allowed to have a phone, be on social media , or go out. I had to ask permission for everything. I was only allowed to talk to about five people, and there was a camera filming me 24/7 in my room. Do I still have feelings for him? I thought I was over him, but sometimes I cry because I do miss him. I jumped right into another relationship , and it went so fast that I didn't have time to process it. But now I feel completely insane. I don't know what to do. I dream about having just one more day with him , but I won't cheat and i'm sure he wouln't anwser me or look for me anyways. I feel so superficial. When I was with this man, I honestly never needed anyone else , and I regret breaking up with him. Sometimes I think maybe all the things I wanted were superficial. I'm not sure. I was willing to do all that because I was really happy with him, but it got too much. He accused me of doing things I wasn't doing and treated me just awful in public. I wasn't an angel; I'm crazy and toxic. I have my issues, but I was really willing to do whatever for this man. I don't understand how I got to this point, still missing and loving someone who gave me so much trauma. Any thoughts?
I'm DICKMATIZE
- Thread starter HumanToy
- Start date
This is a lot to unpack & a lot of information.
If what you are saying is true, and what I am reading between the lines as well.
I'm concerned about your safety in general. I can't see any information on your profile re: which country you're in, age range, etc. But please make sure you look up LGBT resources and have those resources saved on your phone for easy access just in case.
For the post itself, I think you're seeking answers in the wrong place. I don't know what supports you have available. But this is much more complex than something that can be answered on here.
I mean this with full love and support, and not in any bad way. But please, reach out to a professional in your area (or virtually if that's more comfortable to you).
If what you are saying is true, and what I am reading between the lines as well.
I'm concerned about your safety in general. I can't see any information on your profile re: which country you're in, age range, etc. But please make sure you look up LGBT resources and have those resources saved on your phone for easy access just in case.
For the post itself, I think you're seeking answers in the wrong place. I don't know what supports you have available. But this is much more complex than something that can be answered on here.
I mean this with full love and support, and not in any bad way. But please, reach out to a professional in your area (or virtually if that's more comfortable to you).
Honestly, aside from the fact that you may like feeling dominated, I think you need to find a professional to help you manage your emotions.
