Initiating Sex in a Relationship

[erpap]

Who in your relationship initiates most of the time? If it is you, would you like your partner to be proactive about initiating sex?

And do you ever get turned down or have you ever turn down the opportunity? And how do you feel in that moment?

 

[thebedwizard93]

lol I try all the time but I get turned down 80% of the time. She initiates when she wants some.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Who in your relationship initiates most of the time? If it is you, would you like your partner to be proactive about initiating sex?

And do you ever get turned down or have you ever turn down the opportunity? And how do you feel in that moment?

In the past 5-10 yrs Ive essentially forced my wife to be the primary initiator of sex. Previously, I was the initiator, but once the rejections started to pile up after our libidos started to differentiate, I made it quite clear that I would not put myself in a position to endure the constant rejection, and started referring to something known as BoPR(Burden of primary refusal) in a lot of our interactions not just limited to sex. I noticed whether it came to dining choices, sexual activity, essentially anything where we'd have to agree on a venue/timeframe that she was much more likely to say no for whatever reason....so since I am much less likely to deviate from a sexual opportunity offered, or refuse a dining choice, I released myself from making the initiative, until such time as I start to accrue more BoPR than she.
Now that isn't to say my wife inherently wouldn't like me to initiate more and hasn't made that sentiment known, it's just I've made it very clear I will not do so in a space where rejection is a probable outcome, so the onus is upon her to either rectify any hindrances that may have her rejecting sexual opportunities at any given time, or deal with the fact that she's not going to get the initiation she'd like.