Interracial Relationships (2)

[Apolo1998]

So, a while ago i made a post (link below) about interracial dating. I just wanted to say that i was very close minded back then, and since then i met a guy, he´s black, he´s new in town and well i think i like him, like in love with him a little. i thought it wasn´t posible, but here we are. i just wanted to know, how do i change my mind. i want to throw myself at him, because i know he likes me too, he told me. But i´m scared to fail because of my preconceived notions. i didn´t tell him that my fear lays in our different races because it might upset him. what do you think i should do? should i tell him? should i make my mind of what i want to do first? or should i just let him go? thoughts?

here´s the old thread, (i know i fucked up here, i´m sorry): Interracial Relationships

 

[deleted1846971]

It’s going to come out because you aren’t over that racial bias. You may as well tell him.

 

[7053701]

I agree with the above. Might as well tell him.

Why? Not only will it flare up at some point, but he will sense it. There will be an unspoken friction that he won't be able to put his finger on, and then he will finally clue in. That would piss me off, if I were him, to figure out I was dating a racist.

Now, granted, you are struggling to pull yourself out of your bias, but you haven't yet. He needs to make that decision for himself whether or not to take that journey with you. It isn't fair to have a surprise package of that sort lurking about when he didn't sign up for it. Tell him, and let him make that choice for himself.

 

[Apolo1998]

I agree with the above. Might as well tell him.

Why? Not only will it flare up at some point, but he will sense it. There will be an unspoken friction that he won't be able to put his finger on, and then he will finally clue in. That would piss me off, if I were him, to figure out I was dating a racist.

Now, granted, you are struggling to pull yourself out of your bias, but you haven't yet. He needs to make that decision for himself whether or not to take that journey with you. It isn't fair to have a surprise package of that sort lurking about when he didn't sign up for it. Tell him, and let him make that choice for himself.

yes, i think both of you are right, is not only what i think, he must also decide if he wants to cope with this

 

[deleted1846971]

I agree with the above. Might as well tell him.

Why? Not only will it flare up at some point, but he will sense it. There will be an unspoken friction that he won't be able to put his finger on, and then he will finally clue in. That would piss me off, if I were him, to figure out I was dating a racist.

Now, granted, you are struggling to pull yourself out of your bias, but you haven't yet. He needs to make that decision for himself whether or not to take that journey with you. It isn't fair to have a surprise package of that sort lurking about when he didn't sign up for it. Tell him, and let him make that choice for himself.

Well done pointing out that this guy should be given the freedom to decide if this is something he wants to deal with. It isn’t fair not to tell him you’re holding these racial biases against him.

 

[DiamondJoe]

So, a while ago i made a post (link below) about interracial dating. I just wanted to say that i was very close minded back then, and since then i met a guy, he´s black, he´s new in town and well i think i like him, like in love with him a little. i thought it wasn´t posible, but here we are. i just wanted to know, how do i change my mind. i want to throw myself at him, because i know he likes me too, he told me. But i´m scared to fail because of my preconceived notions. i didn´t tell him that my fear lays in our different races because it might upset him. what do you think i should do? should i tell him? should i make my mind of what i want to do first? or should i just let him go? thoughts?

here´s the old thread, (i know i fucked up here, i´m sorry): Interracial Relationships

No offence intended OP, but an observation:

I've seen a couple of your threads now and it seems to me that you have some very particular and preconceived ideas about sex, life and relationships.

My guess is that you need to dump that baggage, lose your inhibitions and simply take people as you find them.

Don't over think it.

 

[Apolo1998]

No offence intended OP, but an observation:

I've seen a couple of your threads now and it seems to me that you have some very particular and preconceived ideas about sex, life and relationships.

My guess is that you need to dump that baggage, lose your inhibitions and simply take people as you find them.

Don't over think it.

I get that, that´s why i write here about it, so i can see what other people might think about my views

 

[Sagittarius84]

Dont underestimate him...I dont think any black half of a black/white interracial couple, beyond the very sheltered or naive, think their white partner is inherently free of racial bias just because they're fucking or in a relationship; its just a common consequence of the colonized Western world.
Be honest about your fears and biases. Ask respectful questions about that which you may be ignorant, then be fully prepared to shut the fuck up and listen without getting offended or defensive. These little gestures go a much longer way in our books than façades of "not seeing color" or the like.

 

[Blues99]

People have different views on what's considered racist when it comes to dating, but I do believe our views on dating/relationships do change/evolve over time. I know mine has, and I know many others whose views have changed. Like you mentioned, some people do choose to marry/date someone of their own race/culture only for various reasons (e.g., shared cultural values, language), and I think that's perfectly ok. I have dated guys from all kinds of background, but I went through a phase in which I was only pursuing guys similar to my own cultural background (because I felt misunderstood by people from other cultures). Life is full of surprises... I'm open to anything now... Good luck!

 

[Apolo1998]

People have different views on what's considered racist when it comes to dating, but I do believe our views on dating/relationships do change/evolve over time. I know mine has, and I know many others whose views have changed. Like you mentioned, some people do choose to marry/date someone of their own race/culture only for various reasons (e.g., shared cultural values, language), and I think that's perfectly ok. I have dated guys from all kinds of background, but I went through a phase in which I was only pursuing guys similar to my own cultural background (because I felt misunderstood by people from other cultures). Life is full of surprises... I'm open to anything now... Good luck!

i have changed my mind actually. i´m 21 and have a lot to learn. I talked to this guy i like and he told me something similar. he told me that his sister thinks he goes after "light skin" guys (keep in mind i´m brown) because he hates himself. so he struggles everytime he likes someone that is not black.

to me that was weird. gay people in my country are 5% of the population and black people are 0,01% of the population. Now try finding a black gay man.

we are taking it easy but he drives me insane. i like him a lot