Interracial Relationships

[EquusAZ]

Black guy hopeless attracted to white guys. There’s a trainer at my gym I’m really starting to fall for but I’m too nervous to say anything to him and it seems Vice versa. scared or rejection or him being “I only like white guys.”

advice please

At the end of the day you're both human. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Approach and state your interest. You might be surprised by the result!

 

[deleted5199391]

Black guy hopeless attracted to white guys. There’s a trainer at my gym I’m really starting to fall for but I’m too nervous to say anything to him and it seems Vice versa. scared or rejection or him being “I only like white guys.”

advice please

I think that you should try to get some int about this guy. Maybe if he has a type
I think you should not be scared about his answer. If he's a cool guy even a nope will not hurt a lot.
I think that very few people are really that exclusive about preferences.
I am bi, even if I am more into women. I tend to prefer black guys over white, and for girls equally white, black and asian (kinda chinese/japanese), but I've been with a Indian girl that was super hot.
Actually it's not like I have preferences, it's just whit who I tend to have sex.

 

[tjh1204]

The very nature of this topic brings up anxiety in people as already seen. Why? Because it's making us look at a topic that is uncomfortable, racism. If you have any reason why you should or should not be with someone based on race or skin color, then it is a racist reason. People are more than their skin color or where they come from.

White people (talking to my fellow whites here) have a tendency to post "is it racist" threads because they are all about proving that they are not racist. The pure fact of the matter is that if you are white, and born into a country that benefited from slavery, and where non-white people struggle against racism, then you are indeed a racist. Its not that you intentionally went out to become one one, its because society, or in this case your habitus, made you one. You were brought up in a 'white is better' culture. Look around you, at TV, adds on the internet, the neighborhood you live in, who your close friends are (white vs black), your family and their ideals (regardless if you identify with them). More than likely this habitus of yours is more than 50% white. And those white people are usually the ones in positions of power, of financial superiority, and have a say in what gets printed, who gets the job, and hands out the grades. People tend to be what their society molds them into.

Sure, there are a lot of people out there who choose to be racist and spout our white "superiority" but I'm not talking about them. Those racists are easy to spot. That's another issue. Active VS passive racism. I'm not talking about them.

No - I'm talking about people like ME. I don't intend to be racist, but society has made me one just like everyone else. If you think you aren't racist, you probably are, you just don't realize it. The only thing we can do is actively work to NOT be racist. Question why we do certain things, examine our own motives, and act against what we can rationally determine within our own minds to be our inherent biases to NOT be racist.

So if you are drawn to BBC, if you like BBW. If you are predisposed to click on the 'is it racist' threads only to defend your own racism then chances are you're just denying what inherently exists instead of working to correct the issue.

And that, my friends, is racism.

Robin DiAngelo: How 'white fragility' supports racism and how whites can stop it - CNN



I'm in an interracial relationship. These times are not easy, and they are very uncomfortable, and they are making us all (white people) reassess our biases. Just own up to them, and address them. Its hard, and it takes work. But you need to do it!

Hand clap for you for the honesty.

 

[tjh1204]

It isn't that I decided it by any means. Its a bias that affects us all. Some of us consciously and some of us unconsciously. We are shaped by the community and the society that we are born into. People who do not view themselves as racist, and who work to not be racist are actually working to suppress those inclinations and injustices. That doesn't mean those inclinations and attitudes have gone away, they are still burried inside the psyche. Only actively being aware of your own inclinations - however big or small is the way to combat this issue.

You are absolutely correct - I do not know you, or your values, histories etc. You could be a paragon for virtue and anti-racist policies. But it doesn't change the fact that there has been a bias within the society you were raised in for over 400 years and that it can have an effect on all of us.

Publications | Robin DiAngelo, PhD

Preach the word!

 

[deleted464787]

Hand clap for you for the honesty.

very disheartening to see that we live in a time where someone can say if you’re white, you’re racist.... AND THEN get applauded for it.

I truly, truly hope you guys aren’t indoctrinating future generations with that garbage.

The self-hatred, and hatred for white people in general is very palpable in these threads. What’s especially sad is that hatred of white people has become almost normalized in American culture today. People can say something very publicly about a white person and get applauded for it, but if you were to say the same thing about someone of another race, you’d be demonized, and the backlash would be harsh.

very scary times, indeed, right now.

 

[tjh1204]

very disheartening to see that we live in a time where someone can say if you’re white, you’re racist.... AND THEN get applauded for it.

I truly, truly hope you guys aren’t indoctrinating future generations with that garbage.

The self-hatred, and hatred for white people in general is very palpable in these threads. What’s especially sad is that hatred of white people has become almost normalized in American culture today. People can say something very publicly about a white person and get applauded for it, but if you were to say the same thing about someone of another race, you’d be demonized, and the backlash would be harsh.

very scary times, indeed, right now.

I don’t hate white people. If that’s what you took from it, the problem is you! What I hope is that people like you will soon be vestiges of the PAST! So yes, the desire is for this generation to finally do away with the attitudes that have systemized white supremacy and white privilege. That way all persons will be treated with regard to their character instead of arbitrary phenotypic genetic expression.

You and others like you who struggle with cognitive dissonance and DENIAL will one day be dinosaurs. It requires persons like the gentleman who received a handclap to remain vigilant and speak truth to power and to simultaneously stand with their disenfranchised brethren.

Despite “his own kind” pressuring him to “fall in line” he told the truth. That’s a reflection of his character and self awareness, something that should be applauded. In this day in time, white people typically take a position of victim hood or deflection to avoid accountability for the status quo.

So, as rare as it is, I’m going to give credence where due. That is a reflection of my character. However, whenever you feel triggered by the truth, please keep it moving. I’m blocking you regardless though. Take care.

 

[deleted464787]

I don’t hate white people. If that’s what you took from it, the problem is you.

no one said you hate white people. Why so defensive about my statement above if it doesn’t apply to you?

but given the words of some of the posters in this forum, I’m not entirely unconvinced that THEY hate white people.

Also, typical that you’d want to block me, just for disagreeing with you. People of your ilk want to get their word in and run away, rather than actually have a discourse about the problem.

if you want to solve problems, don’t play the blame game, then run away when you get called out on it.

also, this is not a case of “pressuring my own kind.” Hatred is hatred, regardless of who it comes from. And I want all the hatred to stop. Don’t seek to make race an issue where it’s not.


Finally, to claim that I’m somehow responsible for the atrocities that happened several generations ago, just because of the color of skin I was born with, is a form of white hate itself... and in my opinion, your a horrible person for even suggesting it.

 

[tjh1204]

The more productive conversation here is examining why someone likes or dislikes someone of another race. Is it because they don't conform to your needs/wants/desires? Ok, if so, then why? What about them is not attractive and what is the reasoning behind it. If the answer is 'because they are of another race' examining where that dislike comes from helps determine if the reasoning is racist or not. More than likely the influence itself is rooted in racism.

Growing up in a white family, with mostly white friends, logic dictates that since that was my exposure that should be where my attraction lies. That would be true if as an individual I didn't examine my own reasoning and act in a self-aware fashion and think about people not as objects or things to be attracted to but as individuals.

Examining what you find attractive in someone as an individual helps identify traits that are common across all races and stops you from making broad assumptions based on race.

If we just think along the lines of basic carnal traits, big dick, nice tits, great ass, those can be found anywhere. Doesn't matter the race. Maybe something more PG like a smile? How about sultry eyes? Best of all a vibrant personality?? Again, not racial traits. I think we can all agree that those traits are things someone might find attractive. Where it goes from being something you find attractive and racially-based phobia/hate is when you lump a trait to someone of a different race based on a racially perceived trait (perceived). That's when racist tendencies come out and why people are calling others out.

Its said that the most stimulating organ in the human body is our own brain and how we see/interpret things. Understanding where / why we feel some way to help shed light into also how we think and act towards others and help us connect sexually as well as personally with other people.

Do you teach courses? Lol


Cause you should. Are you a social scientist or therapist of some sort? Or, were these revelations born out of self reflection?I’m just curious.

 

[Titanfall1]

I just don’t understand tgis argument.


Like preference is real a real thing. I prefer white guys. Does that mean I won’t date a hot Mexican guy or a hot asian man? Of course not. And I’ve come across some very hot African American men. But at the end of the day there’s something bout the stupidity carefree, bro nature of some white guys that just pulls me in.

No one is denying racism exists and I’ve come across racist gays. But to just say stating a preference means that person is a racist seems to extreme to me.

 

[deleted464787]

I don’t hate white people. If that’s what you took from it, the problem is you! What I hope is that people like you will soon be vestiges of the PAST! So yes, the desire is for this generation to finally do away with the attitudes that have systemized white supremacy and white privilege. That way all persons will be treated with regard to their character instead of arbitrary phenotypic genetic expression.

You and others like you who struggle with cognitive dissonance and DENIAL will one day be dinosaurs. It requires persons like the gentleman who received a handclap to remain vigilant and speak truth to power and to simultaneously stand with their disenfranchised brethren.

Despite “his own kind” pressuring him to “fall in line” he told the truth. That’s a reflection of his character and self awareness, something that should be applauded. In this day in time, white people typically take a position of victim hood or deflection to avoid accountability for the status quo.

So, as rare as it is, I’m going to give credence where due. That is a reflection of my character. However, whenever you feel triggered by the truth, please keep it moving. I’m blocking you regardless though. Take care.

I also feel like I need to point out this hypocrisy on your part--if not for you, then for other people reading this thread....

In the quote of yours that I just quoted, you said this:

So yes, the desire is for this generation to finally do away with the attitudes that have systemized white supremacy and white privilege. That way all persons will be treated with regard to their character instead of arbitrary phenotypic genetic expression.

Let me just first of all say, I agree with you. I, too, would love to see ANY mindsets of racial superiority done away with. And I would also like all people to be treated (on a human level) with regard to their character, and NOT their phenotypical expression. Everyone here wants that. This truth is irrefutable.

But heres the problem I have with you... you are applauding @EquusAZ for saying this:

The pure fact of the matter is that if you are white, and born into a country that benefited from slavery, and where non-white people struggle against racism, then you are indeed a racist.

That right there is an abject statement about an entire group of people SPECIFICALLY for their phenotypical expression. This just goes to show how common and accepted it is to mistreat white people--you were applauding him for doing EXACTLY what you said you dont want to happen, and didnt even think that it could be wrong. (Not to mention the fact that in order to ACTUALLY BE RACIST, one's character must be taken into account, and not their skin color.)

This is not a statement of victimhood--I dont feel victimized, and in fact, I feel quite privileged overall in life. This is a statement of me simply calling people out who say one thing, and then do another.

White people are not the problem. Your problem is with people of poor character.

Cognitive dissonance, my ass.

 

[XAngel97]

hell, if you want to get technical, even I’m mixed. We all came from Africa, right?

nonetheless, I’m sure even your constituents who normally agree with you would disagree with your statement that skin color is so cut and dry. Skin tones definitely overlap between all races.

Lol all of us coming from africa does not make you mixed or african.

 

[deleted464787]

Lol all of us coming from africa does not make you mixed or african.

I was being facetious. I dont truly identify as mixed, or African.

I was using it as an example to show what happens if you expand on their false logic.

 

[deleted5199391]

Preach the word!

A good start to stop being racist is to understand that US is not the world, and white people you take as example are just a small part of white people in the world.
The word slave litterally comes from slavic people. I get that there are a lot of big problems in US when we talk about racism, but please stop being so self centered, guys.

 

[deleted464787]

A good start to stop being racist is to understand that US is not the world, and white people you take as example are just a small part of white people in the world.
The word slave litterally comes from slavic people. I get that there are a lot of big problems in US when we talk about racism, but please stop being so self centered, guys.

this. So much this.

you can usually tell that most of the people who complain about racism (specifically racism on behalf of white people) probably haven’t travelled much, and CERTAINLY haven’t actually LIVED outside the US much.

to actually spend years, and immerse yourself in another culture is one of the most enlightening things Americans can do.

far too many Americans have an inflated sense of self-importance, and seems to assume that America is sort or a reflection, or microcosm of what’s going on in the world.

It’s not—that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

and I’d guarantee if these people I was referring to could spend a couple years in another place, they’d see the problems they complain about are dwarfed in comparison.

what a privileged life we lead when we can focus on whether or not it’s wrong to find someone attractive/unattractive, and then choose to date freely.

 

[tjh1204]

A good start to stop being racist is to understand that US is not the world, and white people you take as example are just a small part of white people in the world.
The word slave litterally comes from slavic people. I get that there are a lot of big problems in US when we talk about racism, but please stop being so self centered, guys.

That sounds like a deflection to me. Self centered? Seems like you’re reaching. Colonialism was bred by Europeans. Those that settled here and perpetuated Chattel Slavery did so from the United Kingdom. The Spaniards, English, and the Portuguese all created the institution that solidified racial and economic disparity. So, the white people here are a representative sample. Smh educate yourself.

 

[tjh1204]

I just don’t understand tgis argument.


Like preference is real a real thing. I prefer white guys. Does that mean I won’t date a hot Mexican guy or a hot asian man? Of course not. And I’ve come across some very hot African American men. But at the end of the day there’s something bout the stupidity carefree, bro nature of some white guys that just pulls me in.

No one is denying racism exists and I’ve come across racist gays. But to just say stating a preference means that person is a racist seems to extreme to me.

Reading and comprehension may not be your forte. No one said that stating or having “preferences” was inherently a racist act. It’s been stated that every person explores the genesis of their preferences to investigate IF said preferences have a bigoted root. Only you as an individual, under self-scrutiny and exploration can determine if the preferences you hold are due to internalized prejudices. It’s not for those on social media to decide. We can speculate, but only you can truly determine if that’s the case. The problem is, it seems many people do hold preferences rooted in prejudice but refuse to acknowledge it. Or, they attempt to sell the public on those prejudices/biases being natural and inherent biologically, and they aren’t. If you’re one of those people, don’t sell other people on it. Not, should you attempt to publicly excuse it. Keep it to yourself!

 

[deleted5199391]

That sounds like a deflection to me. Self centered? Seems like you’re reaching. Colonialism was bred by Europeans. Those that settled here and perpetuated Chattel Slavery did so from the United Kingdom. The Spaniards, English, and the Portuguese all created the institution that solidified racial and economic disparity. So, the white people here are a representative sample. Smh educate yourself.

Trust me, you are clueless about how is going outside of US.
You are the one that needs some basic education. Americans are the anomaly in the western world. End of story.

 

[tjh1204]

Trust me, you are clueless about how is going outside of US.
You are the one that needs some basic education. Americans are the anomaly in the western world. End of story.

Yet one of the princes of England has come out recently to detail the racism his wife and child has experienced from the royal family? His child was denied a title and protection when he’s one of the most famous people on the planet. When his mother tried to go public about many of the bigoted beliefs and behaviors of said family she was murdered. It’s been said it could have in part been due to her potentially carrying a Muslim/Arabic child. Racism isn’t an anomalous. It’s practically universal, particularly across the western world. America is a scion of the British Empire, an entity whose colonialism is the most wide-reaching power grab since The Mongol Empire.

 

[Mixedboy292]

I can’t imagine being with a Caucasian, to those who are, all the best xxxx

 

[Titanfall1]

I feel like it would be so complicated. But I can’t help but be attracted to white guts. Even now at the gym I was basically just hard as rock on the machines seeing so many hot options around me.