Is having a wank bud cheating?

[johnweek1]

If I were to sit down right now, bust out my dick and start jerking off while my female friend sat near me or in the same room and started fingering herself at the same time, you damn well better believe I consider that cheating if I didn't tell/ask/get permission from my partner. And I would be hard-pressed to find people in the real world who would think otherwise, either.

The fact that you are both the same gender doesn't change anything, gender has nothing to do with it. Both of you being men does not make it less serious. That said, if you have your partner's blessing than it absolutely is not cheating and 100% acceptable. Anything sexual/intimate that involves another person should always be a decision made by both in the relationship beforehand, imo.

This is not a gendered issue, this is a trust and consent issue.

 

[Lovetobetouched]

If I were to sit down right now, bust out my dick and start jerking off while my female friend sat near me or in the same room and started fingering herself at the same time, you damn well better believe I consider that cheating if I didn't tell/ask/get permission from my partner. And I would be hard-pressed to find people in the real world who would think otherwise, either.

The fact that you are both the same gender doesn't change anything, gender has nothing to do with it. Both of you being men does not make it less serious. That said, if you have your partner's blessing than it absolutely is not cheating and 100% acceptable. Anything sexual/intimate that involves another person should always be a decision made by both in the relationship beforehand, imo.

This is not a gendered issue, this is a trust and consent issue.

What about interacting with this site. Chatting with and viewing pics on LPSG? Is that cheating.

 

[johnweek1]

It's far more grey when it's a website and the extent of the interaction that happens between the people on that website. But I have seen some of my male friends go online to websites and talk to girls and comment on their nude bodies and the gf found out -- those relationships ended real fast -- the girl always felt betrayed and that her bf was not loyal. So yeah, grey waters for sure.

I sure as hell wouldn't do it, that's for certain.

 

[Lovetobetouched]

It's far more grey when it's a website and the extent of the interaction that happens between the people on that website. But I have seen some of my male friends go online to websites and talk to girls and comment on their nude bodies and the gf found out -- those relationships ended real fast -- the girl always felt betrayed and that her bf was not loyal. So yeah, grey waters for sure.

I sure as hell wouldn't do it, that's for certain.

Yes. It is grey and the difference in opinion between individuals makes no hard and fast rule.and as @Motion-of-the-Ocean said above - relationships “should” ideally allow for that honesty - but almost never do, except for the very few whom I would suggest are extraordinarily enlightened and secure, or telling fibs…

 

[Lovetobetouched]

I guess most of you will know of Esther Perel who talks about modern concepts of infidelity. While some relationships ( very few) have total honesty, most don’t, and infidelity is universally disapproved of but almost universally practiced

in other places she says Americans typically see it as morally wrong while Europeans consider it to be hurtful but not as morally repugnant as Americans.

 

[Lovetobetouched]

The other thing I would say is that men in different countries, cultures and generations have different norms to do with wanking and how public that is.

the older you are, the more middle class you are, the more you have a 1950s view that a wank is some furtive lonely loser thing that will make you go blind or grow hair on the palms of your hands.

the younger, the posher/or more working class you are, the more you see it as just a simple daily bodily function with no fuss or hangups. Plenty of lads in sports teams are very open about wanking and doing it alongside each other. Even helping a bro out is not considered a big deal

there is no “relationship” or emotional attachment in a romantic sense but it is a bonding between mates. And mates/friendship is an entirely different thing from a romance or love.

 

[Vastian]

I don't think it's text book cheating. Everyone jacks off. With partners is more interesting. I think it means you have a few more sexual desires than your getting from your partner. Not a bad thing. Not sure your circumstances but I think it would be a little liberating to be able to share and discuss. Not sure how your relationship works, but myself personally always give my partner the "talk" we do this together. If you need or want something else that's OK. Go out and be fullfilled. I'm gonna be peeved but if your honest it's OK. Along as the same curtisy is given to me

 

[justahornyguy174]

If I was in a relationship I wouldn't tell my girl, just like I wouldn't tell her about everything I wank over and every time I wank. I just see it as wanking, we all do it. I have a couple of wank buddies on skype, we chat, wank over stuff, cum, then say say bye. Most of the time when i wank I like to do it by myself but sometimes it is good to do it with someone and chat about sex/wanking etc

 

[Lucius2s1]

If I was in a relationship I wouldn't tell my girl, just like I wouldn't tell her about everything I wank over and every time I wank. I just see it as wanking, we all do it. I have a couple of wank buddies on skype, we chat, wank over stuff, cum, then say say bye. Most of the time when i wank I like to do it by myself but sometimes it is good to do it with someone and chat about sex/wanking etc

This is my thought process.

 

[thickcockjames]

It’s interesting how different people have different definitions of cheating. I once dated a woman who thought watching porn or even masturbation was cheating. So it really depends on where your wife draws the line.

in general, I think most people subscribe to the idea that cheating falls into the category of physical cheating or emotional cheating. I’d venture to guess that a majority of people could consider both mental and emotional to be cheating. Some people are less strict when it comes to one or the other though.

People in open relationships usually say that being with someone physically is okay, but keep the emotional part out of it because thats where they draw the line. I have never met anyone who is okay with emotional infidelity but against physical though. I’m sure they are out there.

what you’re describing, to me, sounds like a little bit of both.

I’m not one to support dishonesty within a relationship and let’s be honest here, what you’re doing is lying by omission. I’d venture to guess that if you’re asking this question, then you know where your wife would stand on this situation and it’s up to you do decide if you want to talk to her about it or just keeping it your own thing.

Best of luck to you man.

 

[Unspeakableaklu]

Thought I'd add a slightly different perspective on this. Recently met up with a big a couple of times, but he's decided to stop as he doesn't think it's fair on on his (male) partner. For me it was just about having a close friend that I could share that with, but he was worried about what his partner would think.

In hindsight maybe we should have drawn up some better boundaries, although we only jerked, we did share a bed overnight, sand hugged a bit. For me cheating implies that you are trying to steal somebody away from their partner, though for me that was not the case. For him he missed having a jerk buddy, as that wasn't something he did with his partner.

I think it's definitely a grey area and a matter of perspective. I think it's normal to keep some stuff from a partner to avoid hurting them, but the level may vary, eg complaining about them to a friend. Asking for openness may lead to further boundaries being pushed from either side which may not be the desire either.

 

[HorsemanUK]

Its not cheating, its just two bros hanging out....with their dicks out.