Is It Ok To Hold It Against Ppl If They Haven’t Taken Covid Seriously Or If They Cut Line 4 Vaccine?

[BussyPhilipps]

It seems like this pandemic has revealed the true nature of many people. Many people’s behavior has been disappointing, to say the least.

I know quite a few people who continued to hang out indoors with people outside of their household and even throw parties, and others who used connections to cut in line for the vaccine.

Is it ok to hold this over their heads going forward and say something like “Remember how you behaved during COVID?” if they ever bring up the pandemic in conversation? Or is it better to forgive them and just be wary about trusting them to act responsibly going forward?

 

[marriedasian]

you are not responsible for people's actions and all you really can do is steer clear or disassociate with them. people have always been like this. the pandemic just made it more apparent.

freedom to exercise choice is the best thing about this country and also the worse.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

you are not responsible for people's actions and all you really can do is steer clear or disassociate with them. people have always been like this. the pandemic just made it more apparent.

freedom to exercise choice is the best thing about this country and also the worse.

It’s difficult because many times I want to shame people into behaving better and being more responsible, but I’ve read that experts (like psychologists and behavioral scientists) say shame often doesn’t work for whatever reason. They say people just tend to dig in their heels and become really defensive rather than acknowledge that what they did was wrong and work on changing their behavior.

 

[malakos]

Why are virtually all of your posts about judging others and lording your sense of moral superiority over them? Have you ever considered that maybe this pattern of thinking says more about you than those you are judging?

 

[7053701]

Is it ok to hold this over their heads going forward and say something like “Remember how you behaved during COVID?” if they ever bring up the pandemic in conversation? Or is it better to forgive them and just be wary about trusting them to act responsibly going forward?

As was noted here:

..all you really can do is steer clear or disassociate with them. people have always been like this. the pandemic just made it more apparent.

You don't need to make a public scene, or announcement. Shaming people tends to backfire anyway. People will just look at you in another light, even though there might be truth in what you are saying.

A lot of people became a little ..weird.. during this pandemic. Unnatural situation, isolation, loss of employment, financial hardship, mental health degradation from stress, etc. For myself, if my neighbor wants to be slightly more social every few months and expand his bubble with some extra people, I'm not going to say a peep. I understand. If he used his position to get a shot a little earlier than someone else, well, that is something for his conscience, but given he has a family and an elderly mother to take care of.. again, I understand.

These are unusual, dangerous times. People are just trying to get through it, and survive.

Shaking your finger at someone when this is all done is just going to make you out to be a huge asshole, not a hero.

 

[EquusAZ]

It’s difficult because many times I want to shame people into behaving better and being more responsible, but I’ve read that experts (like psychologists and behavioral scientists) say shame often doesn’t work for whatever reason. They say people just tend to dig in their heels and become really defensive rather than acknowledge that what they did was wrong and work on changing their behavior.

Yeah, shame doesn't work to help society and in fact, can really cause social issues. Have you read the Scarlet Letter? How about the Salem Witch trials? Lots of instances in history of people lording their own moral behavior over other people. Doesn't help. Morality and legality are two separate things. If someone broke the law to get vaccinated, or if there were laws broken in their meet-ups, well, that's up to the law to deal with. Not you.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

Yeah, shame doesn't work to help society and in fact, can really cause social issues. Have you read the Scarlet Letter? How about the Salem Witch trials? Lots of instances in history of people lording their own moral behavior over other people. Doesn't help. Morality and legality are two separate things. If someone broke the law to get vaccinated, or if there were laws broken in their meet-ups, well, that's up to the law to deal with. Not you.

A lot of what you’re referring to were false accusations. What I’m talking about aren’t false accusations. The people definitely did things they weren’t supposed to do.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

Why are virtually all of your posts about judging others and lording your sense of moral superiority over them? Have you ever considered that maybe this pattern of thinking says more about you than those you are judging?

First of all, I find morality really interesting. But more importantly, I research everything I can before doing anything or making any decisions that might harm others or put them at risk. It’s clear that many other people don’t do such research or take such things into consideration before engaging in irresponsible or risky behavior. A lot of people are really careless and selfish. They either don’t realize or don’t care that their choices and behavior can have a great impact on others.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

Why are virtually all of your posts about judging others and lording your sense of moral superiority over them? Have you ever considered that maybe this pattern of thinking says more about you than those you are judging?

This you?

@MisterB Why do you agree with Malakos? As you can see from the screenshot I posted, he is anti-vax, he’s against lockdowns to prevent the spread of the virus to the elderly and immune-compromised, and it wouldn’t bother him if he spread a virus to somebody and it ended up killing that person, especially if that person were a stranger. You’re gonna side with someone who has those morals? He is the type of person I’m talking about with regards to this thread I started! Somebody who doesn’t care about how their choices and behavior can have devastating consequences for other people.

 

[BussyPhilipps]

As was noted here:


You don't need to make a public scene, or announcement. Shaming people tends to backfire anyway. People will just look at you in another light, even though there might be truth in what you are saying.

A lot of people became a little ..weird.. during this pandemic. Unnatural situation, isolation, loss of employment, financial hardship, mental health degradation from stress, etc. For myself, if my neighbor wants to be slightly more social every few months and expand his bubble with some extra people, I'm not going to say a peep. I understand. If he used his position to get a shot a little earlier than someone else, well, that is something for his conscience, but given he has a family and an elderly mother to take care of.. again, I understand.

These are unusual, dangerous times. People are just trying to get through it, and survive.

Shaking your finger at someone when this is all done is just going to make you out to be a huge asshole, not a hero.

My neighbors have had lots of people over and having been throwing parties for almost the entire pandemic (One of them is apparently a nurse practitioner, so she should know better). I haven’t said anything to them during the pandemic, but if once this is all over I hear them complain about how difficult the pandemic was, I don’t see why it would make me out to be a huge asshole to say something like, “I couldn’t tell it was difficult for you. You had people over almost every weekend.”

Meanwhile, I haven’t hung out indoors with anyone besides my parents since mid-March of last year. I’ve only seen one friend in person, and that has been outside or when he has cut my hair at the salon since he’s also my hairdresser. If I hear anyone I know who has been engaging in risky behavior during the pandemic complain about how difficult it was, I’m not gonna understand. Because I was following what the scientists said, and they weren’t.

I have a few different anxiety disorders and depression, yet I’ve gone over a year with almost no in-person contact besides my parents. That also means I haven’t had sex the entire time. There is something called masturbation, so I have no time or understanding for anyone who has been hooking up with lots of people or having group sex during this pandemic. If I have been able to do all of the above with my depression and anxiety disorders, then no, I don’t understand why other people haven’t been able to do the same, even if they’ve been lonely or had cabin fever. I’ve been lonely and had cabin fever as well, yet I’ve stuck to what the scientists have been telling/asking us to do.

And don’t even get me started on the people who have done lots of traveling via airplane for vacation. The scientists clearly said that people should only be flying for essential travel. They told people not to gather for the holidays. Yet so many people ignored the scientists and did all of this anyway.

 

[marriedasian]

It’s difficult because many times I want to shame people into behaving better and being more responsible, but I’ve read that experts (like psychologists and behavioral scientists) say shame often doesn’t work for whatever reason. They say people just tend to dig in their heels and become really defensive rather than acknowledge that what they did was wrong and work on changing their behavior.

the thing about shame is that it only works when the person you're trying to shame knows that what they're doing is "wrong" however if that person truly believes that what they're doing is not wrong then your action of shaming them will be taken as bullying, racist, sexist, or whatever fits the bill. you will end up creating a monster out of yourself when these people come out in numbers and start to exercise their cancel-culture rights.

trust me, you cannot beat stupid especially stupid in numbers. best to just steer clear and go about your life. if you want change, run for office and invoke change via legislation.

 

[malakos]

This you?

Yes.

@MisterB Why do you agree with Malakos?

He was just appreciating my critique of your motives. Trying to rope him into association with separate remarks of mine is pretty shady of you.

Somebody who doesn’t care about how their choices and behavior can have devastating consequences for other people.

Everyone is involved in systems that negatively impact others, and there's no way to completely get around that. Flourishing consistently comes about in some way at the expense of others, and that will likely always be the case. That's not to say I don't see some situations where I would support efforts to mitigate suffering. But for the reasons I previously stated, I disagree with certain methods proposed to mitigate suffering in the situation you're referring back to.

You haven't really answered my original question. You just doubled down on why you see yourself as morally superior, rather than explaining why you focus so much on your moral superiority, and why it's important to you to be seen as such. Saying you care about morality more than others does not answer this question.

 

[sodominsane]

It seems like this pandemic has revealed the true nature of many people. Many people’s behavior has been disappointing, to say the least.

I know quite a few people who continued to hang out indoors with people outside of their household and even throw parties, and others who used connections to cut in line for the vaccine.

Is it ok to hold this over their heads going forward and say something like “Remember how you behaved during COVID?” if they ever bring up the pandemic in conversation? Or is it better to forgive them and just be wary about trusting them to act responsibly going forward?

To hold it against them. Would require a very small circle of friends. I couldn’t get through Easter dinner with the family without encountering vastly different opinions and strategies for covid response

some vastly different from my own,

it would be monumental naive for me to think MY views were the only ones that were valid.
Especially considering scientists, doctors, policy makers and government have been in able to come to a consensus on it.....

but you do you

 

[7053701]

My neighbors have had lots of people over and having been throwing parties for almost the entire pandemic (One of them is apparently a nurse practitioner, so she should know better). I haven’t said anything to them during the pandemic, but if once this is all over I hear them complain about how difficult the pandemic was, I don’t see why it would make me out to be a huge asshole to say something like, “I couldn’t tell it was difficult for you. You had people over almost every weekend.”

You can't see how snarky remarks would make you out to be the lesser person?

I live in Canada. We've been pretty regimental about COVID precautions, yet still suffer from waves like everyone else. We are all doing our part, and following the rules as best we can. Part of the regulations we agree to, is limits on people in stores at one time, as well as limits on private get-togethers.

So, when we aren't in lockdown and under a stay-at-home order (which we currently are), we can have 10 people indoors, and 25 outdoors. I'm not sure what it is like where you live, but if you are observing people gathering at their homes, you may want to check what your local/state rules are on that. If they are staying within those limits, then don't make it your business. If they are consistently going overboard, you could always let the city bylaw people know. For us, they fine the individuals AND the owner who hold large indoor parties.

Like I said, if they are staying within the regulations, then it isn't any of your business.

Meanwhile, I haven’t hung out indoors with anyone besides my parents since mid-March of last year. I’ve only seen one friend in person, and that has been outside or when he has cut my hair at the salon since he’s also my hairdresser. If I hear anyone I know who has been engaging in risky behavior during the pandemic complain about how difficult it was, I’m not gonna understand. Because I was following what the scientists said, and they weren’t.

I have a few different anxiety disorders and depression, yet I’ve gone over a year with almost no in-person contact besides my parents. That also means I haven’t had sex the entire time. There is something called masturbation, so I have no time or understanding for anyone who has been hooking up with lots of people or having group sex during this pandemic. If I have been able to do all of the above with my depression and anxiety disorders, then no, I don’t understand why other people haven’t been able to do the same, even if they’ve been lonely or had cabin fever. I’ve been lonely and had cabin fever as well, yet I’ve stuck to what the scientists have been telling/asking us to do.

What you are going through isn't the same as what the next person is going through. Are you saying that because you can do it, everyone else can? Or that because you have mental health issues, everyone else who is going through mental health issues should be on the same level as you?

So, rather than make statements that "you aren't going to understand", try to understand. Because some day, you will want someone to understand you, and what you are going through. How would you feel if you were having a particularly bad day with your anxiety, and your parents said, "Get over it. We're fine, and you should be too. Stop whining"?

 

[twoton]

What is “take it seriously”? How many rules does a person need to follow to be serious about it?

 

[Lord_of_Goon]

Some people have been successfully brain washed over the last year. Hope they can find themselves again

 

[Gj816]

I think for me any way, I don't care what others are doing during this pandemic as long as it doesn't affect me.
I've had to work throughout this pandemic. By work I mean actually going to my job, not working from home.

I haven't gone out to bars or hooked up with anyone since this crap started. I have however had family over for dinner. I mind my own business.

Shaming people based on your morals isn't going to make you look like the good guy, because everyone's morals are different. Best advice is not to worry about how others react during a once in a lifetime pandemic. You haven't walked in their shoes, and like everyone else I'm just trying to get to the end of this damn pandemic the best I can.