Is It Wrong To Reminisce On Past Love?

[calebsamuels]

I constantly find my self thinking back to a seemingly perfect fling that I had with someone a few years ago on an exchange trip. I am now in a very happy, long term relationship might I add.

Because the fling had no time to turn sour and I only saw the good in him, I keep it in a perfectly decorated room in my mind and my heart, where no thing is in the wrong place. I think back in awe to what I felt in those moments and I hold them so close to my heart and who I am. I love my partner and we grow together and he’s mine and I’m his, but I still think about the fling often.

Is this wrong? Is it something I should be talking to my partner about? Should I feel guilty about it? I’d love to hear some others opinions on this!!

 

[hzs3fg]

I had a similar (though heterosexual) relationship forty years ago. Six months of utter perfection - we got along great and had an amazing sex life.

Then almost overnight, it ended due to circumstances beyond our control.

I still think of her as my one true love and often wonder about her, especially when triggered by certain songs and other memories. In my dreams, we meet again one day and pick up where we left off...

 

[MisterVIP]

Maybe before you talk to your partner about it, you should talk to a therapist and sort out what's going on in your head.

 

[7815281]

There's nothing wrong with remembering past relationships fondly so long as you aren't living in the past and letting it affect your present. If that's what happening, then you may need to talk to a therapist about how to let it go. As for telling your partner, I don't see anything good coming from that, especially if you keep going back to the past.

 

[Gj816]

Nothing wrong with good memories from the past. So long as they don't interfere with the present. Just remember that you can't live in the past. I wouldn't bother telling your partner, because he may feel like he has to compete with a memory. That is a no win situation.

 

[jtheimpaler]

I constantly find my self thinking back to a seemingly perfect fling that I had with someone a few years ago on an exchange trip. I am now in a very happy, long term relationship might I add.

Because the fling had no time to turn sour and I only saw the good in him, I keep it in a perfectly decorated room in my mind and my heart, where no thing is in the wrong place. I think back in awe to what I felt in those moments and I hold them so close to my heart and who I am. I love my partner and we grow together and he’s mine and I’m his, but I still think about the fling often.

Is this wrong? Is it something I should be talking to my partner about? Should I feel guilty about it? I’d love to hear some others opinions on this!!

It’s a memory of a relationship. Just a positive one, that said I’m sure most people have positive memories of their past flings, even if it was just the first time they met.

with your current partner it is the same as whether you would talk about other past flings

 

[deleted817718]

No, as long as it doesn’t negatively impact your current life and relationship. I think about an ex of mine all the time. She cuckolded me for 5 years and I am still constantly turned on by it

 

[palakaorion]

I lost my wife of 32 years about 6 years back. I waited until my memories of her were just remembrances, and no longer held my attention, before dating again.

I mentioned to the woman I'm seeing now, that I limit my mention of my wife around her, because she shouldn't feel like she's competing with my past.

Her response was perfect: "I don't feel like I'm competing with her. I respect the many years of love you both shared. I know things will always come up when you felt like you've dealt with it and moved forward, but here they come again". (I think I'll keep her around.)

TL;DR so long as your current paramour isn't having to compete with your past, you're good.

 

[calebsamuels]

Thank you everyone for sharing your learned experience and advice! This is such an interesting topic and I wanted to know what others had to say!

I truly believe that it doesn’t affect my relationship and I would never hold it to the expectations of a short snippet of something that, although perfect in the moment, could have inevitably turned bitter. But it’s just good to air things sometimes.

thank you all for being open and engaging, it means a lot!

 

[SirFroak]

Maybe before you talk to your partner about it, you should talk to a therapist and sort out what's going on in your head.

I think that is a bit overboard.

I would say the majority of people think about a past love, or an amazing one-nighter they had, or whatever. That doesn't mean the people who reminisce are needing therapy to scrub those memories from existence. There isn't anything inherently obsessive or abnormal about any of that.

To the OP: There is a time period I like to reminisce about, before I was out. I think about a couple of guys who I had opportunities to take it further, but didn't.

But things like that are your personal history. Your partner doesn't need to know everything. But if you did share, there wouldn't be shame in it. You can't change the past, and no harm was done.

 

[Nwinter]

Well, if those fond memories aren't affecting your present self and relationship, it's ok. The best memories are often those of our first love.

 

[Beau Bainbridge]

Your mind is your domain, and it is never wrong to access any part of it, for any reason you like or no reason

If you encounter difficulties in your relationship, you can be >99% sure that your pleasant memories are not what's causing them

 

[Triasco]

Typically, it is not things or people in life that cause us suffering, but how we react to them. That also includes emotions and memories.

It's perfectly fine to remember the times you had with your ex fondly. It would be different story if you felt guilty or if you resented your current love because of the past.

We have a tendency to both oversimplify and overcomplicate things. Honor the past as it passes, but appreciate the present for all that it is. They're not necessarily mutually exclusive.

 

[3HandsfulofDick]

What you are going through is no different than what any other man or woman has experienced.. We all think about the one that got away or the guys/women that gave us that memorable fuck…Nothing wrong with reminiscing about the past- just keep it in the past…

 

[halcyondays]

It's not wrong. It's the same as remembering any peak experience.

 

[MisterVIP]

I think that is a bit overboard.

I would say the majority of people think about a past love, or an amazing one-nighter they had, or whatever. That doesn't mean the people who reminisce are needing therapy to scrub those memories from existence. There isn't anything inherently obsessive or abnormal about any of that.

To the OP: There is a time period I like to reminisce about, before I was out. I think about a couple of guys who I had opportunities to take it further, but didn't.

But things like that are your personal history. Your partner doesn't need to know everything. But if you did share, there wouldn't be shame in it. You can't change the past, and no harm was done.

I didn't say anything about scrubbing memories from existence.