Even if change doesn't happen overnight, it's too easy to run the risk of accepting the neoliberal answer of "Let's do it tomorrow", tomorrow turning into, "Let's be reasonable about this", which of course turns into, "Well we don't ACTUALLY need any of these reforms, maybe next decade!" If we don't force change, it will not happen whatsoever. We must be militant with our demands.
As far as homophobia versus heterosexism, I will provide an example. I had a co-worker (now since fired), that would stare at me while I was changing, particularly my crotch and ass. As soon as I was covered, he would start screaming at me about it. "YOU CAN'T BE THAT NAKED DOWN HERE!" Even though we were all in our underwear. It was something different each time, but in general it was rage at how my naked body made him feel. It was homophobic...a personal and psychological fear of homosexual relations.
But it wasn't heterosexist, as far as I can tell anyway. He fully acknowledged my attraction toward men all of the time, and he understood that my queerness impacted the rest of my life in a myriad of ways. Like how my kitchen uses heterosexual flirting as a group bonding experience, one that I am excluded from because I am queer. Even if I am included, it's very awkwardly, in jest, or even to tell me off. Much of the time, the line cooks even use homophobic jokes to relieve stress...directly in front of me. These are things that heterosexists, like some of my co-workers, are blind to.. A heterosexist will not see the policing or exclusion I experience as a queer individual. They will not see how one-sided these situations are. They will view my queer feelings and queer attitudes as inappropriate. Even if they're not afraid of those feelings or attitudes, they will still put effort into suppressing them.
A homophobic person believes their own queerness to be inappropriate, and this necessitates self-loathing and fear. A heterosexist believes another's queerness to be inappropriate. Whether or not they're afraid of that queerness is optional, thus becoming a separate question entirely.