"Its how the guy uses it..."

[yadayada01]

Hey ladies...I've been reading alot about what is often said by women with respect to what makes good sex. Some ladies prefer a bigger penis, but the majority seem to say that although added size is nice, its more about the way he uses it. However, thats usually all they say about that lol. So, I wonder if you ladies can elaborate on what makes one guy "know how to use it" whereas another guy doesn't. Obviously, its an in and out motion, and of course the speed of the thrusting can be varied, but other than that, what does a guy do that drives you wild? Aside from foreplay that is...talking about penis in vagina here

 

[Tactfulgal]

I think the only really useful answer is that it depends on the woman, and the most important part of "knowing how to use it" is being in tune with your woman and her responses.

 

[Reddhott]

Also, for most of us, it's about the man and how we feel about him. A man is not simply a penis delivery device.

 

[Jillang]

I think the only really useful answer is that it depends on the woman, and the most important part of "knowing how to use it" is being in tune with your woman and her responses.

Also, for most of us, it's about the man and how we feel about him. A man is not simply a penis delivery device.

I totally agree with both of these answers. Ha ha it's complicated for us too

 

[xX_Sarah_Xx]

Agree with above answers! It's his ability to read our responses.

A guy that's tuned into us, on the same level. When something feels good my breath will hitch or eyes will flutter or a moan escapes. That should be a signal for him he's hitting the right spot.

It's also playing my mind. Knowing when I feel like slow, sweet loving and knowing when to pick up the pace and pull my hair. It's the whole experience.

It's really a little impossible to give you hints of "how to use it", cause that changes during sex. My vagina does not feel the same way throughout having sex. Along with bloodflow and turned-on-ness and amount of clitoral stimulation or how much time he spent going down on me, it changes. So what at one point may be "the spot", a little later it can be a different one.

What's a sure thing is, when I say don't stop, don't stop.

 

[Daisy]

It just has to be huge :tongue:

 

[julesq]

For me a man "who knows how to use it" boils down to as with every skill set a person has; it is a matter of knowing what or what not to do at a particular time. Its about being in tune with the other person, doing what feels right at the moment and being aware of cues. It's not really something that comes down to a specific thing. It's more a concept for me than an act. It's one of those intangibles where I'm left going "Wow, that was great", but sometimes not even knowing why. Please don't misunderstand, I love those times, when I can pinpoint a great technique, etc., but to your point it's more a whole package type thing rather than a single thing.

 

[D_Eva_D_Struction]

THAT is the absolute truth....

Agree with above answers! It's his ability to read our responses.

A guy that's tuned into us, on the same level. When something feels good my breath will hitch or eyes will flutter or a moan escapes. That should be a signal for him he's hitting the right spot.

It's also playing my mind. Knowing when I feel like slow, sweet loving and knowing when to pick up the pace and pull my hair. It's the whole experience.

It's really a little impossible to give you hints of "how to use it", cause that changes during sex. My vagina does not feel the same way throughout having sex. Along with bloodflow and turned-on-ness and amount of clitoral stimulation or how much time he spent going down on me, it changes. So what at one point may be "the spot", a little later it can be a different one.

What's a sure thing is, when I say don't stop, don't stop.

 

[yadayada01]

Yes, as Shenlong says, Thank you to all who have responded.

Its a bit of a relief to know that there isn't a specific move to make, or a certain size or shape that is required to do the job To be honest, these are the answers I expected to hear.

I have always felt that I am in tune with my partner (who is my wife btw). And I try to listen and watch for the signs that can point me in the right direction while we are intimate. Despite this, for years now, she seems distant and apathetic during sex, and the only way she can orgasm is by using a vibrator, usually for quite awhile. When it comes to foreplay, she basically rushes me through it and moves me on to intercourse (which she generally lies there log-like until I am done). So, as you can see, sex is not great between us, despite my geniune attempts to make it better. To make matters worse, sex only happens about 3 or 4 times per year - she rarely seems interested in sex.

Surprisingly, we get along very well aside from this. We rarely get mad at eachother, and rarely have any significant conflicts. We laugh alot with eachother, and at eachother. We kiss and cuddle often, its just strange that we don't do well in the bedroom. We used to before we got married, but since then, its a totally different story.

I didn't mean to let this turn into a sob story. Thank you again to all who replied. If you have anything more to add, I would love to hear what you have to say

 

[Tactfulgal]

After reading this story, I have to say I think the way you're thinking about the problem is totally wrong. You two used to do well in bed, you've been together awhile, now you don't. This is a relationship issue, NOT a sexual technique issue.

Yes, as Shenlong says, Thank you to all who have responded.

Its a bit of a relief to know that there isn't a specific move to make, or a certain size or shape that is required to do the job To be honest, these are the answers I expected to hear.

I have always felt that I am in tune with my partner (who is my wife btw). And I try to listen and watch for the signs that can point me in the right direction while we are intimate. Despite this, for years now, she seems distant and apathetic during sex, and the only way she can orgasm is by using a vibrator, usually for quite awhile. When it comes to foreplay, she basically rushes me through it and moves me on to intercourse (which she generally lies there log-like until I am done). So, as you can see, sex is not great between us, despite my geniune attempts to make it better. To make matters worse, sex only happens about 3 or 4 times per year - she rarely seems interested in sex.

Surprisingly, we get along very well aside from this. We rarely get mad at eachother, and rarely have any significant conflicts. We laugh alot with eachother, and at eachother. We kiss and cuddle often, its just strange that we don't do well in the bedroom. We used to before we got married, but since then, its a totally different story.

I didn't mean to let this turn into a sob story. Thank you again to all who replied. If you have anything more to add, I would love to hear what you have to say

 

[fluffychocolate]

I agree with Tactfulgal. There is a lot more going on in your relationship than just sex positions. You two are fine outside of the bedroom. That begs to wonder if there isn't a physical reason she is no longer interested in sex. Our bodies change as we get older. Perhaps she is going through some hormonal or physical changes that she hasn't addressed with you. You two should definitely talk about this.

 

[yadayada01]

It is definitely a relationship issue. I guess it was stupid of me to think that maybe if there was a way to make sex more enjoyable for her that maybe she would want it more.

I love her, and from everything I can tell, she loves me. I have often wondered if she has been having an affair, but I see no evidence of that. I would think that if she was, I would find at least some evidence.
I have no desire to have a relationship with anyone else. I don't want to leave her, because I love her, enjoy being with her, and we have 3 young children together.
Masturbation and porn have become ultra boring, but I get so horny after 2 or 3 days that I need to give myself a release, but its not satisfying. I have long since given up on making advances towards my wife, having become tired of being denied. Sometimes I think that I should look for a married woman whose needs aren't being met by her husband. Oddly enough, despite the fact that my wife isn't very interested in improving our sex life, she has expressed that if I ever cheated she would be SO PISSED OFF!
I really feel she baited and switched me just to get married. Not sure what to do next.
Wow, when I write it all down like this, I feel like an idiot for going along with this so long.

 

[Tactfulgal]

I think the last sentence here sums it up. You aren't satisfied in your marriage, if she's not even interested in working on things you might not be in the right relationship.

It is definitely a relationship issue. I guess it was stupid of me to think that maybe if there was a way to make sex more enjoyable for her that maybe she would want it more.

I love her, and from everything I can tell, she loves me. I have often wondered if she has been having an affair, but I see no evidence of that. I would think that if she was, I would find at least some evidence.
I have no desire to have a relationship with anyone else. I don't want to leave her, because I love her, enjoy being with her, and we have 3 young children together.
Masturbation and porn have become ultra boring, but I get so horny after 2 or 3 days that I need to give myself a release, but its not satisfying. I have long since given up on making advances towards my wife, having become tired of being denied. Sometimes I think that I should look for a married woman whose needs aren't being met by her husband. Oddly enough, despite the fact that my wife isn't very interested in improving our sex life, she has expressed that if I ever cheated she would be SO PISSED OFF!
I really feel she baited and switched me just to get married. Not sure what to do next.
Wow, when I write it all down like this, I feel like an idiot for going along with this so long.

 

[Reddhott]

You have three young children together. Do you have any idea what having children does to your body? How out of whack your hormones can get? If she is the primary caretaker of these kiddos she is probably tired. She could also be dealing with postpartum depression.

Talk to her. Not so you can get your rocks off. But to find out what she needs. Stop feeling like your world is over cuz your sex life is less than stellar. If you were having erectile difficulties, would you want her to throw your marriage away? This isn't about your penis or your orgasm. It's about your wife and your marriage.

 

[yadayada01]

I am very familiar with what having children is like...I have watched her give birth to each one, I have seen her gain a little baby weight, seen her struggle to breast feed and seen her disappointment at having to resort to using formula because there just wasn't enough breast milk. I have gotten up with her for every feeding. I have allowed her to catch the extra rest she needed in the afternoons for the year or two after each was born. We sought help to find out if she had postpartum depression - the Dr. said she didn't likely have it, although my wife wanted to try an anti-depressant. After a few months, she concluded it made no real difference so she stopped taking it. In fact, I would say neither of us saw any difference with the meds. Youngest is 5 now, so I really doubt thats part of it at this point in time.
We have talked about this alot. I am very open with her, and am not afraid to talk to her about anything. She knows full well that I am disappointed in the significant change in our sex life since we got married. A couple of years ago, she seemed to want to try and change it. Now, it seems she just doesn't care about it. Not her problem, really, in her mind I guess.
"Stop feeling like your world is over cuz your sex life is less than stellar."? Nice. So I guess I should just be happy with 3 or 4 mediocre encounters per year for the rest of my life, and not bother to explore ways to improve it. Well, that wasn't me before I got married, and thats still not me now that I am married. I don't know about you, but I believe we only live once. Also, I personally am not getting any younger.
"If you were having erectile difficulties, would you want her to throw your marriage away" - I do not want to throw the marriage away. That is my whole point. I love my wife. I look forward to going home to her after every workday. We have a beautiful happy family together, and breaking us up over this would create a mess with custody/finances/etc that I'm sure neither of us want. Just wish I could make our needs better aligned. Even if it were once per week or 3x/month, where she was truly into it, that would be great.

I asked the original question about how the guy uses it kind of on a whim after hearing my friends girl-of-the-week say it (not that we all haven't heard it over and over). I was curious to hear what you all might have to say, and pretty much got the answers I expected. Odd though how it has led me to spill all this.

 

[Reddhott]

You didn't understand my point. At all.