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Just a few tips for the trans Lovers/Friends Of LPSG

Discussion in 'Ask a Transgender Person' started by MizzSummers, Nov 10, 2014.

  1. MizzSummers

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    Herrow ^.^

    My name is Savannah and I am a 28 year old trans woman, former adult entertainer, and a trans activist in Canada. I have noticed that the lpsg community is actually very pro trans but sometimes the guys here are fed a bit too much trans idealism through porn that kinda makes them have very diluted views on what being trans is. So I thought i would help all you guys out and just give you some info so it might help you broaden your views on trans, understand it a bit better and maybe help you finally meet a trans woman! This Obvi isn't just for the people attracted to trans women, this is for everyone ^.^ Just here to help!

    1. Please stop comparing trans women to famous porn actresses. Expecting all trans women to look like porn stars is like expecting all women to look like Jenna Jameson ( prior to the freaky plastic surgery. LOL). its an unreal expectation. Trans women come in all shapes and sizes, some are passable, some aren't, some have giant fake boobs, most have natural small boobs brought on by estrogen pills! Expecting all trans women to have big fake boobs, a fake ass and enough face work to make Cher jelly is kinda silly :p A womans worth isn't based on the amount of plastic surgeries she has :)

    2. The porn thing brings me to the next thing. There are many word in the world that are considered offensive to certain demographics and shouldn't be used. The "N" word for Black people, the F*G word for Homosexuals, etc etc etc. With Trans women there are certain words that were created by the Adult industry to market and dehumanize trans women. These words, although reclaimed by some trans women, are considered highly offensive. If you are wanting to befriend, talk or even bone a trans woman never call them trans, trans, Ladyboi, HeShe or Chick with a dick. Your more likely to get a good old fashioned "That's So Raven" side eye then get laid when using those! Just be respectful. The terms that are generally ok are trans and tgirl. WE generally prefer you call us by our names and not our gender. LOL

    3. Trans people have been around since the dawn of time. In native american cultures long before Jesus roamed this earth, many people were trans and called two spirited. These people where considered high ranking people in tribes and were often married to Men (or women depending on their preference). Here is a cool article about trans people throughout the different times! Check it out!!
    Transgender History: Trans Expression in Ancient Times | The Bilerico Project

    4, That brings me to the next thing. Men who like trans women are not in the slightest bit gay. Most aren't even Bi. They are very much straight. there have been quite a few studies on Men who are into trans women as of late. Basically it boils down to this.. trans women.. are women. Men who like them are attracted to the femininity of them and are open minded enough to get past the junk in the front. LOL.

    5. DON'T BE TRANSPHOBIC! Wait? Oh you like trans women.. or you don't have anything against them? Your a huge lgbt supporter? AWESOME! So why do you shame men who are into trans women into feeling they are less of a man for being into trans women? WHOA! bet you didn't know that's considered trans-phobia! A recent study showed that searching for trans porn is one of the top searched porn types for heterosexual men! So its very much normal. Societies views on men who like trans women hasn't really changed since the 1950's. Men feel the need to hide their attraction to trans women in the closet and keep it a deep dark secret. Stop trans shaming men or it will never get any better. ^.^ And believe it or not a lot of the trans shaming comes from women who are all like " Oh mike is dating jen, did you know she is trans! Does that make Mike Gay. OMG that nasty"
    really girl? What are you 12? SHOW SOME LOVE!

    Anyways that's a bit of my two cents! LOL. If you have any questions let me know ^.^ I will prolly add more stuff in the future but this is a lot to read already!
     
  2. RodCrimson8

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    The more you know! And knowing is half the battle.
     
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  3. RodCrimson8

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    Thanks though for relaying the information
     
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  4. MizzSummers

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    oh no problem. i hope i didn't come off condescending as that's the opposite of what I am trying to do. LOL. Just trying to help :))
     
  5. RodCrimson8

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    No, I took it as someone just wanting to let people know common misconceptions people have about you and others. I understand and appreciate the information
     
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  6. MizzSummers

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    Awe ty ^.^
     
  7. submit452

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    I love and adore transwomen and I'm Bisexual
     
  8. MizzSummers

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    Well obviously there are bisexual people who like trans women. But generally saying the majority of men who are into trans women are considered heterosexual as they are not into men at all! :))
     
    #8 MizzSummers, Nov 10, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 10, 2014
  9. Jcurve44

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    Thank you for that great primer!
    I think we all deserve to be treated like people. Objectifying is wrong and shouldn't be done. Although there are times when thinking with the wrong head gets us men into trouble.
     
  10. Mister2101

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    Hi MizzS---I consider myself bisexual, am attracted to both sexes, and enjoy sex with both men and women. But, I have a different question for you. Do you believe that TS women (in general) have a better understanding or appreciation for pleasing a man emotionally and sexually than gen-women? My one relationship with a TS woman, which was a very positive experience, supported this generalization. But it was only one experience. Thoughts?
     
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  11. MizzSummers

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    Well i thinks that's a generalization once again brought on by the pornographic community. Oh they used to be a man so they know how to please a man. I legit have seen that marketed in porn. LOL. That kinda logic would mean that all the men I have had sex with should be AMAZING in bed. And sadly a lot haven't been.

    What it really boils down to is that some trans women are gonna be amazing is bed and some are gonna be shitty, just like you guys. Some trans women are gonna be fun cool girlfriends , some are gonna be uptight superficial bitched who think they deserve the world for nothing. I think sex is something that is learned through experience, not gender or physical traits. And dating and understanding ones partner to an extent comes from that specific person.

    Some trans women i have known have lost a lot of their sex drive from hormone replacement, where others have had their libido increase. Some trans women like their penis being touches, others prefer it not. Some trans women don't like anal, others love it. Some trans women are huge sluts and sleep with everyone, some are uptight bitches. I dont think sex with a person should be the only reason you are wanting to be or date with that person My main point is sex/dating with a whole demographic of people can't be narrowed into the same box. :p
     
    #11 MizzSummers, Nov 11, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2014
  12. MizzSummers

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    I think everyone is guilty of objectifying people. Which is a sad part of today's society. I would just avoid those people who do it all the time and don't look past the small things ^.^
     
  13. iworshipdickalot

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    I loved this article.

    Good heads up with the information.

    Thak you so very much for sharing and contributing this information.
     
  14. Mister2101

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    MizzS--Thank you for your response. I enjoyed the exchange. Gave me some things to think about. Peace.
     
  15. MizzSummers

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    I am glad you like the exchange. I did notice a typo though i meant to say " sex shouldn't be the only reason you date someone" lol

    I feel that even though this is a sex driven site sometimes some real life advice may help many of the guys when it comes to dating or meeting trans women ^.^
     
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  16. MizzSummers

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    LOl I wouldnt really call it an article, more of an open discussion. I am glad you like it though!! :))
     
  17. Mister2101

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    Again, thanks for the info. I had to laugh---for most men (me included??), meeting and dating all/any women is hard, let alone trans women. The best info/advice you gave (my opinion) is that porn does NOT equal reality!!
    Another question for you: Can you describe what taking female hormones does for a trans woman? What are the emotional, mental and physical affects---good and bad? Lots of information out there on this---but is it all accurate? Thanks again. Have a great day.
     
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  18. MizzSummers

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    HAHA :) Well the porn thing is very much true and a lot of guys seem to forget that :p Just like a lot of women seem to forget that nobody's perfect and that they shouldn't always think they deserve Zach Efron with Micheal Fassbender's dick. LOL

    Well hormone replacement surgery is pretty complex. What most women do is they take a form of estrogen and then a testosterone blocker. The estrogen basically makes your body move its fat deposits to other places, so you have a more feminine figure. This includes usually the development of breasts. It basically forces your body to go through puberty again. This also in time will usually make the penis not function anymore due to the lack of testosterone. The vast majority of trans women in porn actually stop taking their hormones for a week or so and then use things like viagra or cialus to get a boner. (so once again the porn thing is a really bad representation of what a trans woman is)

    Common misconceptions about hormone replacement are:

    1. Changed your voice - Your vocal cords thicken when you go through puberty as a guy. this can only be reversed by an extremely controversial and dangerous surgery where they shave your vocal cords. The vast majority of trans women just go through vocal therapy to train their voice to be more feminine.

    2. You stop growing your male body hair - Now we all wish this was true. Although it can make the hair follicles in some cases smaller and more fine, the hair will still be there and all of the trans women including myself had to go through laser hair removal and electrolysis. lol

    3. it changes your masculine face features - Yes it does redeposit your fat to make your features look a bit more soft, most trans women will still very much have the same features as they did when they started transition. although a lot of faces are very feminine the only way to correct is is with surgeries.

    Tahts all i can think of right now but if more comes up I will add :))
     
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  19. Mister2101

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    Good info. Thx much for taking the time to respond.
     
  20. MizzSummers

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    No Problem ^.^
     
  21. dylz

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    thanks for all this information! one of my friends has two roommates who are trans women currently undergoing hormone therapy. they're the first women i've met that i've been aware are trans (i wouldn't be surprised if i've met some before that i didn't realize were trans), so hearing your perspective is much appreciated.

    the part on not shaming attraction to trans men is especially eye-opening for me. i'm a little ashamed to say that i myself have been part of this problem in the past. i'm a gay man, and sometimes i get a bit frustrated about closeted gay men clinging to a straight identity while they sleep with dudes due to (completely understandable) anxiety about homophobia. now that i reflect on your post, i remember that i used to legitimately think that men who liked trans women were simply gay men who wanted to assuage that anxiety by convincing themselves they still liked women (with the 'parts' that were truly important to them). looking back now, it seems so ridiculous and awful that i actually reduced trans women's gender identities (and the attraction men had for them) to being solely about 'parts'! thankfully i don't think i ever shared that harmful idea with anyone, but i'm so glad people like you have been putting yourself out there to correct those misconceptions. keep doing what you do. :)
     
    #21 dylz, Nov 15, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2014
  22. MizzSummers

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    Awe I am glad I helped you realize some inner judgement. I think we are all guilty at times judging people without actually knowing what the situation is.

    I think what you were thinking is really common in the gay community. It always bogles me how the gay lgbt community can be a bit misinformed. Like drag queens trying to clock my makeup ("Girl you need to contour more heavily"), guys telling me I am not dressed like most drag queens (Oh my God like I have never seen such a natural drag queen, like you look like a normal girl) or gay dude thinking they have the right to use trans slang cause Rupaul (" Oh My god your a trans!?!?!?!? I love trannies. My Besty Totally does Drag so I am down"). etc etc etc. Most of the time i giggle and explain to them the situation in a ncie friendly tone ( I don't like coming off as a bitch ever) lol. And I know the vast majority of gay guys aren't like that and I always laugh at how all my gay friends jump on people and correct them (nicely) when they do this. LOL.

    My main thing is we should all show each other love and live with unicorns on the rainbows of happiness. LOL
     
  23. Bigbendy33

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    well you,ve educated me, although i don't think i,ll ever be lucky enough to meet a trans lady x
     
  24. MizzSummers

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    Ahaha. I am sure you will if your heart is set on it. :))

    Once societies views on trans people, which they are , a lot more will come out of the shadows ^.^ Just like one being gay was accepted as normal more people came out!
     
  25. Mister2101

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    Hey MizzS--another question for you. Again know I am speaking in generalities and everyone is different....but here goes.
    When is the best time to have the "Are you trans?" or "I'm a trans woman" discussion? First meeting? first date? while seeing each other and getting to know each other? First time the relationship get's physical and intimate? First time your panties come down? From a guy's perspective (my perspective), I think I would prefer to know sooner rather than later. I'm really not quite sure why, other than I know building relationships are already hard and that understanding women (their interests, desires, and do's and dont's) can be a "tricky business." If I think or sense that a woman is trans, I'd like to know. I'd also like to tell her that I am good with seeing or having a relationship with trans women---but should I even bring that up?
    My perception is that trans women are also trying to figure everything out as well. Does he know that I'm trans? Will he flip out when he finds out? Am I in any danger with this dude? Again--these are my perceptions that may be "out to lunch" so to speak. I don't know, hence my question.
    As I write this down and think about it, the answer coming to me is when there is a level of trust developed and the beginning of real feelings and thoughts of an actual relationship begin--that would be the best time to have this discussion. Certainly before things start to become physical.
    My one experience with a trans woman happened at/through working together. We were already friends and I finally asked her out. I had some thoughts that she might be trans at that time, but really wasn't sure. Nor did I really care, as I was already very attracted to her. I had hesitated asking her out for several weeks/months because we were co-workers. Also, I'm white and she's black---not that big a deal (for me), but still something I considered. On our first date (after having dinner), she simply told me she was trans (pre-op). It was almost anti-climatic (at least to me) and she was pretty happy (relieved?) when I told her it wasn't an issue for me. I wanted to tell her that the thought of her being trans might have scared me a little bit, but also excited the hell out of me! Anyway, we moved forward from there and had a decent relationship for about 10 months.
    Sorry--did not mean to talk so much or tell you my life history. Thoughts?
     
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  26. MizzSummers

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    I personally tell men before we even go on a date. I tell them I am a non op transsexual and most guys seem to be ok with it, and the ones that aren't are weeded out before anything can come of it. I am very open about being trans to people as I feel like its not something I should be ashamed of or hide from people. Now of course this doesn't mean all women who are trans are ok with it and some feel the best way to go about life is to submerge into society as a cis gender woman and live life like any other natural born woman. This can benefit and harm trans women. I personally think the best time though to tell someone your trans is right away. Before any sort of bond happens. But it really boils down to what the individual trans woman wants. As for if you are thinking she is trans and she hasn't told you, I don't think you really can do much. You don't want to ask a cis gender woman if she is trans as that's offensive as its like saying she looks manly. LOL. I would just make the decision if you are questioning it whether or not its a big deal and if you like the person enough to continue, and just wait to find out I guess. LOL

    Also are interacial couple still a issue in places? I guess up here most people don't really care. LOL
     
    #26 MizzSummers, Nov 21, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2014
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  27. HighZenBorg

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    Thanks so much for this post. So well written and informative.

    Brilliant.
     
  28. Mister2101

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    Also are interacial couple still a issue in places? I guess up here most people don't really care. LOL[/QUOTE]
    Thx again for your response. Lots to think about. With respect to inter-racial relationships--my experience is that it is not that big an issue anymore, but it can be a "complicating factor" for some relationships. I have dated several black women in the past and "race and racial differences" are something that you will have to face, discuss, and deal with from many different angles. By that I mean--family questions, her parents, co-workers & bosses, church, friends' attitudes.....stuff like that. Not a major problem or insurmountable issues, but stuff that can complicate a relationship. Hope that makes sense. Have a great day.
     
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  29. MizzSummers

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    Awe I am glad you're enjoying it ^.^ thanks :p
     
  30. MizzSummers

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    Thx again for your response. Lots to think about. With respect to inter-racial relationships--my experience is that it is not that big an issue anymore, but it can be a "complicating factor" for some relationships. I have dated several black women in the past and "race and racial differences" are something that you will have to face, discuss, and deal with from many different angles. By that I mean--family questions, her parents, co-workers & bosses, church, friends' attitudes.....stuff like that. Not a major problem or insurmountable issues, but stuff that can complicate a relationship. Hope that makes sense. Have a great day.[/QUOTE]

    Yeah I guess because I choose to surround myself with nothing but possitivity that I tend not to encounter too many haters. We also don't have as many strong viewed people who try to force their ancient views on each other here in Canada ( I am sure there are many still) lol

    Regardless you seem like a cool open minded modern man and the majority of trans women I know thank you for that!
     
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