Male Body Dysmorphia

[Fredneck1951]

I saw this mentioned on another thread (was it TnJ?) and I thought YAAASSSS! Let’s talk about it.

I realize this site glorifies male “beauty”, at least in the sense of genitals, but really, don’t just all men have something about their bodies that they don’t like/think could be better/wish they could change?

Male body dysmorphia is by far the number one cause of dreaded MALE INSECURITY. Now, men never think they aren’t smart enough (hoo boy!), but they constantly fear that they aren’t big enough, fast enough, strong enough, etc. They don’t think that they may be morally deficient, but they obsess over not being to jump high enough. They never berate themselves for lacking decency and kindness, but spend time fretting over not being to shoot the jumper, throw the spiral, hit the curveball.

For those of you with men in your lives, what do you do to cope with your guy’s self-perceived shortcomings?

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I don't have to do much because he's really self-aware. He's not arrogant, but he is confident. His flaws don't distort his self-image. He can handle rejection without tearing himself down for not being "good enough".

My ex was a completely different story, and I did have to 'cope' with his insecurities. He would insist that he 'knew' he was "supposed to be bigger" no matter how many times I told him that's not a factor for me. He even brought up the fact that he knew I had been with bigger men... I was like, ok? And? I would tell him that I'm not concerned whether or not my pussy is as "good" as his ex's because that's not how healthy relationships evolve. He couldn't drop it.

I'm sure he's convinced that I am with my man now because he's "bigger", or that it's at least a factor. It's absolutely fucking not.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Heh. My new guy candidly listed his IQ and said I intimidate him, mentally. that I’m easily the smartest person he knows.
Luckily he isn’t making it an issue.
It’s tanked relationships before.

 

[Ms.M]

I don't have to do much because he's really self-aware. He's not arrogant, but he is confident. His flaws don't distort his self-image. He can handle rejection without tearing himself down for not being "good enough".

This goes for me as well. I am all about being supportive of who I am with, but I also am not a therapist and refuse to be one for someone either. I have at times suggested someone I am with go talk with an actual therapist to help them sort out some things.

Not being able to keep my hands off of them seems to help, too. They can't walk past me without me touching on, grabbing, or lightly swatting at their booty.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Not being able to keep my hands off of them seems to help, too. They can't walk past me without me touching on, grabbing, or lightly swatting at their booty.

I can relate.

That delicious ass pass by and sometimes I can't help myself. Massaging his shoulders isn't necessarily for *him* either.

 

[ChanelleNo5]

Heh. My new guy candidly listed his IQ and said I intimidate him, mentally. that I’m easily the smartest person he knows.
Luckily he isn’t making it an issue.
It’s tanked relationships before.

Ok but just curious, is it a normal thing to know your IQ? I don't have a clue about mine....which probably means they don't tell you unless you're smart. Oof

 

[Fredneck1951]

Ok but just curious, is it a normal thing to know your IQ? I don't have a clue about mine....which probably means they don't tell you unless you're smart. Oof

I think over the past few decades the authorities are more circumspect letting people know how they did on an IQ test. For one thing, so-called “IQ tests” are rife with cultural biases and references that are more appropriate to Trivial Pursuit than actual mental reasoning and problem-solving abilities.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Ok but just curious, is it a normal thing to know your IQ? I don't have a clue about mine....which probably means they don't tell you unless you're smart. Oof

I was tested in the 1970s. He likely was 1968-70.
It was a big deal for schools to offload the fact that the classes were lowest common denominator by saying “your kid is bored,” rather than allow good teachers to rule the land.
I spent most of my school years K-8 self studying in the library.

not everyone is tested. Parents have to either push to get the kid tested or agree with a teacher who wants the kid tested.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I think over the past few decades the authorities are more circumspect letting people know how they did on an IQ test. For one thing, so-called “IQ tests” are rife with cultural biases and references that are more appropriate to Trivial Pursuit than actual mental reasoning and problem-solving abilities.

I’m comparing two people of similar opportunities, so it holds.

 

[MickeyLee]

My life long bestie battled dysmorphia in his early years. Way beyond insecurities or societal expectations, for a good long while he physically not see himself undressed without severe emotional distress. His body was not right, think looking at yourself in the mirror and having an uncanny valley moment or feeling as a person disconnect from the body.

I love my bestie. I loved him deep in his struggle and I love him at his full "my shit is the shit" best. The saddest part was he never talked about it outside of us or therapy. No compliment fishing, no demanding validation, not seeking reassurance...nothing. For true, any commentary on his body deeply hurt him. Did I mention my beautiful bestie is a gay man? A damn fine one at that? So, yeah...not an easy way to go.

He worked so hard to resolve his inner ouch. One of my life gifts has been watching this amazing dude find comfort and joy in his being. How he gained compassion and true empathy for others by his own come-up. Like, he's walking solace and acceptance.

One day maybe dudes will feel comfortable expressing needs and with vulnerability. That's the toxicity of toxic masculinity. I confess to admiring a bit of stoicism, very bootstraps and big girl panties at times. But I always know I am allowed, encouraged in an also toxic fashion, to express my self doubt and insecurities. Both extremes are enforced for control and profit by outside forces. Fuck that noise!!

I am all about racial acceptance of what some calls flaws and foibles, we are our oddiments. And resistance of any dialog telling me otherwise.

 

[MickeyLee]

On the IQ tip. Tested, by doctors and mental health professionals, in my formative years. Hit in the "we double checked the results....she's actually statistically brilliant" level.

I am notably a dumbass. IQ seems one of the marketable idea of self boosts pushed hard by clickbait sites. Bonus *tsk-tsk* when researching the history of IQ tests and scoring. Do I need to say hella classist, racist and exist?

Also. Myers-Briggs. Folks proud of being sociopaths because it's an extra special anagram.

Avoid anyone who places too much importance on MBTI. Seriously, it should be added to the DMS.

 

[MickeyLee]

I think over the past few decades the authorities are more circumspect letting people know how they did on an IQ test. For one thing, so-called “IQ tests” are rife with cultural biases and references that are more appropriate to Trivial Pursuit than actual mental reasoning and problem-solving abilities.

Dude, ever stoked you found your way to LPSG. You give good post!

 

[Fredneck1951]

Dude, ever stoked you found your way to LPSG. You give good post!

Thank you, esteemed one. I am honored to be so regarded by you.

You seem dope to me.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

I refuse to get my intelligence "tested".

I know how smart I am, and how much of a smart-ass I am.

Nothing against those who have had their IQ discovered.. I just don't seek that information because I know where I stand with my grey matter.

 

[MickeyLee]

Zombies sing the praises of ya cerebral cortex. Much sulci. Such gyri.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I refuse to get my intelligence "tested".

I know how smart I am, and how much of a smart-ass I am.

Nothing against those who have had their IQ discovered.. I just don't seek that information because I know where I stand with my grey matter.

Wasn’t my choice.
I got a day out of class, and a fancy letter. Followed by an invite to something I make fun of.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Zombies sing the praises of ya cerebral cortex. Much sulci. Such gyri.

My avatar approves this message.

 

[Holly Doors]

My man doesn't particularly have many insecurities, or if he does he's never voiced them. I'm not saying for one moment he's flawless but we're both pretty happy go lucky people people and don't bother much with hangups, we are who we are and that's that.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

After a couple days at a low rent clothing optional hot spring, I’ve come solidify to the conclusion the all bodies are quirky.
Also, most nudist spots host those who gain by decent clothing. And we need to stand up straight more.

Now, in my profession I knew these things. Adding frontal nudity (I drape my clients well, no slits or bits seen),and watching people move in a naked state under gravitational pull, I learned a few things.
If you carry enough weight, your pubic hair preferences stay private.
Redheads will never truly tan (big soft belly dude, who shared he’s there weekly).
The US concept of beauty is bullshit.
Nipples and peen need sunscreen, badly. So do areas with tats.
The tattoo of a woman’s name rarely matches the name of the woman the person is with.
Dudes scope everyone out. But it is only remotely predatory (this is a no touching no hunting zone).
Wasps make grown men run.