Married Men in Relationship

[JohnnieG246]

A few years ago I met a younger man on Grindr for what was supposed to be a one off, or at least a fun, casual series of meetings.
Two years later we find ourselves deep in a relationship.
We have managed nights away at hotels, lots of dinners and sporting events.
The one off has turned into a deep relationship, and we love each other.
Wondering how far these can go.
He has a young family that would be devastated if he left. Mine is older, but would still cause a lot of grief.
Anyone had similar happen?
Did you keep the relationship hidden away, or did you make the life change?

 

[HungBtmVegas]

A few years ago I met a younger man on Grindr for what was supposed to be a one off, or at least a fun, casual series of meetings.
Two years later we find ourselves deep in a relationship.
We have managed nights away at hotels, lots of dinners and sporting events.
The one off has turned into a deep relationship, and we love each other.
Wondering how far these can go.
He has a young family that would be devastated if he left. Mine is older, but would still cause a lot of grief.
Anyone had similar happen?
Did you keep the relationship hidden away, or did you make the life change?

My experience isn't the same as yours because I don't have a family of my own, but yes I've been in a 3 year "secret" relationship with a married man before and it was great.

He was, at the time, a mortgage broker my office worked with (I'm in the real estate industry) and despite being married and him having no experience with other men, we exchanged numbers the first time we met professionally under the guise of us both being ex-college athletes who don't have any friends to watch college football with. In our first text conversation, he admitted he was always curious about men (for context, I'm masc, but I'm openly gay and it's not very difficult to pick up on that) and our text conversations got sexual almost immediately.

We were only supposed to hook up every now and then, but we started developing feelings for each other and started "secretly" dating in plain sight because we presented so well as just good friends and colleagues that his wife knew me by name, which is why we were able to move around with little discretion, outside of not kissing or being intimate in public or when he came to our office.

We only stopped dating because they moved to Arizona and despite us giving it a shot, our feelings dwindled. We're still ok and we hooked up the last time he came back, but we can't give each other what we need from 2 different states.

 

[Infernal]

Love can be the most illogical of our emotions. We'll do crazy things for someone, let someone hurt us so deeply we think we'll never survive, and it happens all because of love.

 

[JohnnieG246]

My experience isn't the same as yours because I don't have a family of my own, but yes I've been in a 3 year "secret" relationship with a married man before and it was great.

He was, at the time, a mortgage broker my office worked with (I'm in the real estate industry) and despite being married and him having no experience with other men, we exchanged numbers the first time we met professionally under the guise of us both being ex-college athletes who don't have any friends to watch college football with. In our first text conversation, he admitted he was always curious about men (for context, I'm masc, but I'm openly gay and it's not very difficult to pick up on that) and our text conversations got sexual almost immediately.

We were only supposed to hook up every now and then, but we started developing feelings for each other and started "secretly" dating in plain sight because we presented so well as just good friends and colleagues that his wife knew me by name, which is why we were able to move around with little discretion, outside of not kissing or being intimate in public or when he came to our office.

We only stopped dating because they moved to Arizona and despite us giving it a shot, our feelings dwindled. We're still ok and we hooked up the last time he came back, but we can't give each other what we need from 2 different states.

We are similar. Wives know about the friendship, and we don’t have to lie as much as a result.

We are able to get to the same city on business sometimes, where we can share a hotel room, enjoy the pool, and go out for dinners. It would be nice to not let go of hands when see someone walking towards us, but not ready for that.

 

[Rooker]

Generally speaking, I think everyone deserves to live an honest life. Not only you and your partner, but your families as well. Having to conceal your relationship doesn’t seem great for you, but also, your wives also deserve to have husbands that aren’t cheating on them.

It would really suck for your wife to find out in like, twenty years, that you were in love with someone else that whole time.

 

[Nomdean]

 

[brandon38]

It so hard when we fall in love I been there I had walk away because it was right thing for me

 

[GeorgiaMan]

Several years back I had a six month fling with a married guy. He approached me and initially I declined the offer but after him circling back again a week or so later I agreed. I think he originally thought it would just be an occassional hookup but after our initial meeting it was so good we agreed to do it again, then again, then again.

The sex was incredible. To date it remains the best sex I've ever had. We had a rhythm in bed I've never had with anyone before or since (and that includes my current partner of 4 years who I love a great deal).

However I got attached and began to be a little jealous of his wife and kids (yes it's dumb but I'm not perfect). One weekend he was alone at his house and invited me over. We didn't leave for two days as we had sex, ate, more sex, laughed, slept in the same bed overnight for the first time, and neither of us wore much either day. When I left on Sunday I knew I had to shut it down or I would just get crushed so I did. We've never spoken since.

I've posted about it here a couple of times, in part just to vent. My partner knows about this guy but not about how great the sex was and that I was as attached as I became at the time I ended it. Even if I were single I'm not sure I could do it again.

 

[WilliamG]

A few years ago I met a younger man on Grindr for what was supposed to be a one off, or at least a fun, casual series of meetings.
Two years later we find ourselves deep in a relationship.
We have managed nights away at hotels, lots of dinners and sporting events.
The one off has turned into a deep relationship, and we love each other.
Wondering how far these can go.
He has a young family that would be devastated if he left. Mine is older, but would still cause a lot of grief.
Anyone had similar happen?
Did you keep the relationship hidden away, or did you make the life change?

So you are in a straight relationship as well?

My selfish male brain says: If it's discreet flings with another guy... That's one thing. But entering a loving relationship with him... Whole other beast. Neither is acceptable to your partner or his of course... But the emotional connection takes it to another level that even I would not be comfortable with hiding.

 

[Jpac]

I've was in a relationship with a married man(10yrs older) for almost 3 years. Deep down I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere cause he kept telling me "he was going to leave his wife for me" or "he wish he met me first". He said all the right things to keep me going along even when I told him many times that I was done with him. But the final nail in the coffin was he had another girlfriend too along with me and his wife. Cut all ties and never looked back. With that said love can be a blinding thing that keeps us from seeing our self worth. You have to find someone that's gonna treat you like the king you are and always put you first.

 

[bravesoldier]

I've was in a relationship with a married man(10yrs older) for almost 3 years. Deep down I knew it wasn't gonna go anywhere cause he kept telling me "he was going to leave his wife for me" or "he wish he met me first". He said all the right things to keep me going along even when I told him many times that I was done with him. But the final nail in the coffin was he had another girlfriend too along with me and his wife. Cut all ties and never looked back. With that said love can be a blinding thing that keeps us from seeing our self worth. You have to find someone that's gonna treat you like the king you are and always put you first.

I was in a relationship nearly identical to yours. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I fell for him. It was pure magic when we met and sexual frenzy. He talked of marrying me, leaving his wife and told me of the money he might inherit. He spoke many times of us building a house together, buying me a new vehicle and on and on. We were together 4.5 years. From the very beginning he pushed me hard to have sex with other men. I can't say I didn't like that at all, but not like he did. He was obsessed and over the top with other men, much more than I was and his desires were the death knell of our relationship. Right before the end he hadn't visited me for nine months at my place, but when a certain young hottie was available near me, he came over immediately, even when I was working and not available. When the full effect of that sank in, it was over for me. I didn't just walk away because I still loved him. I backed away slowly. I still believe he knew something was wrong and he never asked me one question. Maybe he wanted out too. I have hurt over it but not deeply because the reality of this was bigger than life. I knew I was better off, but it was also one of the most humiliating things I ever dealt with in a relationship.

 

[chrisrobin]

I was in a relationship nearly identical to yours. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I fell for him. It was pure magic when we met and sexual frenzy. He talked of marrying me, leaving his wife and told me of the money he might inherit. He spoke many times of us building a house together, buying me a new vehicle and on and on. We were together 4.5 years. From the very beginning he pushed me hard to have sex with other men. I can't say I didn't like that at all, but not like he did. He was obsessed and over the top with other men, much more than I was and his desires were the death knell of our relationship. Right before the end he hadn't visited me for nine months at my place, but when a certain young hottie was available near me, he came over immediately, even when I was working and not available. When the full effect of that sank in, it was over for me. I didn't just walk away because I still loved him. I backed away slowly. I still believe he knew something was wrong and he never asked me one question. Maybe he wanted out too. I have hurt over it but not deeply because the reality of this was bigger than life. I knew I was better off, but it was also one of the most humiliating things I ever dealt with in a relationship.

Thats shitty - big hugs!

 

[bravesoldier]

Thats shitty - big hugs!

Thanks Christopher, hugs back to you my friend.

 

[Jpac]

I was in a relationship nearly identical to yours. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I fell for him. It was pure magic when we met and sexual frenzy. He talked of marrying me, leaving his wife and told me of the money he might inherit. He spoke many times of us building a house together, buying me a new vehicle and on and on. We were together 4.5 years. From the very beginning he pushed me hard to have sex with other men. I can't say I didn't like that at all, but not like he did. He was obsessed and over the top with other men, much more than I was and his desires were the death knell of our relationship. Right before the end he hadn't visited me for nine months at my place, but when a certain young hottie was available near me, he came over immediately, even when I was working and not available. When the full effect of that sank in, it was over for me. I didn't just walk away because I still loved him. I backed away slowly. I still believe he knew something was wrong and he never asked me one question. Maybe he wanted out too. I have hurt over it but not deeply because the reality of this was bigger than life. I knew I was better off, but it was also one of the most humiliating things I ever dealt with in a relationship.

For sure and that sucks. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

We actually worked together so I saw him everyday. I would literally pick him up and take him home, eat lunch together, and be would even come over to my apartment and stay the night some nights. He would tell his wife that he was just hanging out at his uncle house and he was too drunk to drive home. I would sometimes catch him flirting with other girls and whenever I questioned him about it he would say some bs that I overlooked cause I "loved" him. As I look back I think I dealt with it for so long was because I felt lonely and he paid attention to me for a while. But I had to look at myself and pull myself away before I lost myself fully in him. Ultimately he never really cared for/loved me and he was just using me and my wallet.

 

[elklindoxxx]

M

A few years ago I met a younger man on Grindr for what was supposed to be a one off, or at least a fun, casual series of meetings.
Two years later we find ourselves deep in a relationship.
We have managed nights away at hotels, lots of dinners and sporting events.
The one off has turned into a deep relationship, and we love each other.
Wondering how far these can go.
He has a young family that would be devastated if he left. Mine is older, but would still cause a lot of grief.
Anyone had similar happen?
Did you keep the relationship hidden away, or did you make the life change?

My partner and I have an open relationship and for the most part we go with other couples (90 - 95%) of the time. One thing we absolutely don't engage in with other people is polyamory. That's an absolute no go in our relationship. That's just impossible to manage.

So if this younger man was just a fuck buddy, then your life would be alot easier. But you decided to turn this into a "romantic affair" and now it's becoming to be emotionally draining. And you have to reconcile that somehow. I would say you should probably reset the relationship. And just engage in sexual activities with him. I've got a married woman who I have sex with regularly, about 2 -3 times a month. And I don't take her out for dinner or any other activities. I don't want to be seen with another married woman in public, that's asking for trouble. In the beginning we established that we were to be fuck buddies because her husband was not satisfying her sexually. So she'll come over when my partner is not around and we'll engage in sexual activity for a couple of hours. Then she'll wash up and leave. That's it, you don't need to make things any more complicated for yourself.

Whenever you are going to have relationship, you have to set the ground rules. If you were to tell the other fellow that you wanted to be fuck buddies, then that probably would have worked nicely for you.

When my partner and I discussed the ground rules, we decided to; swing with other couples, have a fuck buddy or have an acquaintance with benefits.

No emotional attachments. Only sexual activities.....

 

[bijockfl]

I was in a relationship nearly identical to yours. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I fell for him. It was pure magic when we met and sexual frenzy. He talked of marrying me, leaving his wife and told me of the money he might inherit. He spoke many times of us building a house together, buying me a new vehicle and on and on. We were together 4.5 years. From the very beginning he pushed me hard to have sex with other men. I can't say I didn't like that at all, but not like he did. He was obsessed and over the top with other men, much more than I was and his desires were the death knell of our relationship. Right before the end he hadn't visited me for nine months at my place, but when a certain young hottie was available near me, he came over immediately, even when I was working and not available. When the full effect of that sank in, it was over for me. I didn't just walk away because I still loved him. I backed away slowly. I still believe he knew something was wrong and he never asked me one question. Maybe he wanted out too. I have hurt over it but not deeply because the reality of this was bigger than life. I knew I was better off, but it was also one of the most humiliating things I ever dealt with in a relationship.

You are a strong and wise man

 

[JohnnieG246]

You are a strong and wise man

I should have had that advice before all this…..

 

[brandon38]

I was in a relationship nearly identical to yours. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I fell for him. It was pure magic when we met and sexual frenzy. He talked of marrying me, leaving his wife and told me of the money he might inherit. He spoke many times of us building a house together, buying me a new vehicle and on and on. We were together 4.5 years. From the very beginning he pushed me hard to have sex with other men. I can't say I didn't like that at all, but not like he did. He was obsessed and over the top with other men, much more than I was and his desires were the death knell of our relationship. Right before the end he hadn't visited me for nine months at my place, but when a certain young hottie was available near me, he came over immediately, even when I was working and not available. When the full effect of that sank in, it was over for me. I didn't just walk away because I still loved him. I backed away slowly. I still believe he knew something was wrong and he never asked me one question. Maybe he wanted out too. I have hurt over it but not deeply because the reality of this was bigger than life. I knew I was better off, but it was also one of the most humiliating things I ever dealt with in a relationship.

So sorry that happen to you I in lovd with married guy but know it want work