Meeting A Guy At A Bar

[1222288]

Recently, I was out at pub on "gay night" (small town, and once a week one of their side rooms opens up to the local gay community) and this super cute, energetic twinky cub starts chatting me up. He was probably in the 19-21 range, slightly high, and very horny. In a matter of 10 minutes or so, he wants to run off to my hotel for sex. So far, everything seems awesome, right?

Then, for some reason, I thought that he might be transgendered. As I said, I was very attracted to him, so that didn't really change anything in that regard. Buuut, I'm a bottom and I need a fully functioning penis for my sexual satisfaction.

We had a couple of beers, had a good chat, but I didn't end up hooking up with him. I just said goodnight and went back to my hotel.

So, my question is:

If you are a F2M trans person, and you meet a gay guy at a bar, do you disclose you are trans in some way?

Also, is there a tactful way to ask a guy if they are trans?

I hope I'm not coming off as insensitive in any way. It was the first time I was ever in that situation, and didn't really know what to do. I figured leaving it at drinks and chat was better than asking, and maybe embarrassing, or going back to my room, and it being awkward for me as I'm really not into vagina, which would also make for an awkward scene for him.

 

[cherryboom66]

I’m M2F and I will never, ever meet someone or chat to someone in a bar. It’s too dangerous, soul destroying and plain awful. Having to put yourself to complete strangers, to possibly get attacked or murdered? No thanks. This person is very lucky they were chatting to you, someone understanding.

 

[1222288]

I’m M2F and I will never, ever meet someone or chat to someone in a bar. It’s too dangerous, soul destroying and plain awful. Having to put yourself to complete strangers, to possibly get attacked or murdered? No thanks. This person is very lucky they were chatting to you, someone understanding.

I absolutely hear you. When I grew up, it was really difficult being gay. Even when I hit the bar scene in the 80's, gay bashings happened all the time. I knew a guy who got raped with a broom handle, then beaten almost to death, with life altering brain damage afterwards. I've also witnessed a gang pick a gay guy out of the crowd in front of the bar when it was closing, and beat him up.

Thankfully (in some parts of the world) we've moved on somewhat, but now the trans community has all the focus, hate, and discrimination. I see awareness and acceptance evolving, like it did with the other parts of the community, but it is going to take time. Hell, people are still struggling with accepting homosexuality in the more developed countries.

Growing pains. It's not going to happen today, but on a per person basis acceptance and understanding is spreading.

And, thank you for saying that. I really put a lot of effort on my part to struggle with the concept of all the nuances of being trans. I think I've wrapped my head around it, but even if I'm not 100% I accept that we're all people, and we all have things to work through. Being kind to someone is a lot better than stacking more onto their daily challenges.

 

[cherryboom66]

I absolutely hear you. When I grew up, it was really difficult being gay. Even when I hit the bar scene in the 80's, gay bashings happened all the time. I knew a guy who got raped with a broom handle, then beaten almost to death, with life altering brain damage afterwards. I've also witnessed a gang pick a gay guy out of the crowd in front of the bar when it was closing, and beat him up.

Thankfully (in some parts of the world) we've moved on somewhat, but now the trans community has all the focus, hate, and discrimination. I see awareness and acceptance evolving, like it did with the other parts of the community, but it is going to take time. Hell, people are still struggling with accepting homosexuality in the more developed countries.

Growing pains. It's not going to happen today, but on a per person basis acceptance and understanding is spreading.

And, thank you for saying that. I really put a lot of effort on my part to struggle with the concept of all the nuances of being trans. I think I've wrapped my head around it, but even if I'm not 100% I accept that we're all people, and we all have things to work through. Being kind to someone is a lot better than stacking more onto their daily challenges.

Thank you for this x

 

[MizzSummers]

As a trans person I am always upfront about being trans. I don't hide it, and I am grateful I am in a place in the world where that isnt a big issue (Canada). I always bring it up right away if I sense somthing romantic or sexual tension. I would rather get it out of the way and be let down if they aren't trans a ttracted. Although in my experience as I tend to only ever meet guys when I go out clubbing and I tend to focus on going to Trans friendly bars or Gay bars so I know I am surrounded by people who not only support me, but will help if it goes askew.

Always be safe. For future if your not comfortable talking about it in person maybe just grab the guys number and dont hook up with first night. That way you can drop the T bomb via text. Be like " So have you ever dated or been with a tgirl before" Or "When ddi you realize you were trans attracted" Something innocent like that. So if he is like Loony Toons Shocked Eyes popped out of head you are nowhere near him and he can let you down via text.

In my experience though I have only ever been turned down twice. Most men are trans attracted. But remember if your worried t tell them, thats your gut instinct and always go with your gut.

 

[chrisj2110]

I’m M2F and I will never, ever meet someone or chat to someone in a bar. It’s too dangerous, soul destroying and plain awful. Having to put yourself to complete strangers, to possibly get attacked or murdered? No thanks. This person is very lucky they were chatting to you, someone understanding.

Like the F2M dude I met the other day. He was lucking it was me he had met. It happened that He left his personal documents behind at the tram stop. "this documents are even more important than I thought" But after I went to return them, I was NOT prepared for what happened next! I just thought, I will get to see what this F2M looks like, "you left your docs behind, those are kind of Important" and then it would be thanks and "bye"... But No... I think I have a new friend now!

 

[chrisj2110]

It all turned out to be useless, just like everything else. They are all the same. And their Mind games.

 

[Alina Is Thicc]

Yeah I second the not meeting people at bars, or well, anywhere. Maybe when sociotey in general becomes more understanding and accepting I would try to meet people physically first. Very uncomfortable situation.

 

[cherryboom66]

Yeah I second the not meeting people at bars, or well, anywhere. Maybe when sociotey in general becomes more understanding and accepting I would try to meet people physically first. Very uncomfortable situation.

It really is.

 

[Skinny Manny]

As a trans person I am always upfront about being trans. I don't hide it, and I am grateful I am in a place in the world where that isnt a big issue (Canada). I always bring it up right away if I sense somthing romantic or sexual tension. I would rather get it out of the way and be let down if they aren't trans a ttracted. Although in my experience as I tend to only ever meet guys when I go out clubbing and I tend to focus on going to Trans friendly bars or Gay bars so I know I am surrounded by people who not only support me, but will help if it goes askew.

Always be safe. For future if your not comfortable talking about it in person maybe just grab the guys number and dont hook up with first night. That way you can drop the T bomb via text. Be like " So have you ever dated or been with a tgirl before" Or "When ddi you realize you were trans attracted" Something innocent like that. So if he is like Loony Toons Shocked Eyes popped out of head you are nowhere near him and he can let you down via text.

In my experience though I have only ever been turned down twice. Most men are trans attracted. But remember if your worried t tell them, thats your gut instinct and always go with your gut.

Smart lady. Of course, if you "surprised" me I'd be delighted. Unless you were huge...

 

[pretzelslut]

As a trans person I am always upfront about being trans. I don't hide it, and I am grateful I am in a place in the world where that isnt a big issue (Canada). I always bring it up right away if I sense somthing romantic or sexual tension. I would rather get it out of the way and be let down if they aren't trans a ttracted. Although in my experience as I tend to only ever meet guys when I go out clubbing and I tend to focus on going to Trans friendly bars or Gay bars so I know I am surrounded by people who not only support me, but will help if it goes askew.

Always be safe. For future if your not comfortable talking about it in person maybe just grab the guys number and dont hook up with first night. That way you can drop the T bomb via text. Be like " So have you ever dated or been with a tgirl before" Or "When ddi you realize you were trans attracted" Something innocent like that. So if he is like Loony Toons Shocked Eyes popped out of head you are nowhere near him and he can let you down via text.

In my experience though I have only ever been turned down twice. Most men are trans attracted. But remember if your worried t tell them, thats your gut instinct and always go with your gut.

I completely agree with these nuances. And it's not just with bringing up the topic of being on the gender spectrum, but with any topic that you feel may be a dealbreaker. The key really is honestly, and giving the person neutral territory and opportunity to show respect to you. Being intoxicated sometimes makes our confidence skyrocket though our social manners.

On a side note, when I'm at a bar and drunk enough to walk home with an equally drunk guy, we're most likely game for the sex, regardless of whether or not we will choose to keep in contact afterwards. lol

 

[softdrink666]

I don't disclose it because it's my privacy. Some do some don't