My Bromance

StolAdele101

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hey guys,
So there is a dude that i think im in love with. I know im not fully straight but not gay either... I prefer girls over boys but this one dude has changed that for me.
We are together almost every day, for a year. We talk about everything and I’ve never felt happier and safer with anyone else. I enjoy being with him. I’ve told him how happy i was when i was with him, and he told me the same. He even cried for me when i wasn’t with him for a month. Like, he acts so caring and protective over me. But the problem is that he always talks about girls and he dates them. Not all the time but rarely. And for some reason i feel like a trash cus i like him and he dates other girls.
I don’t know what to do. Should i tell him about my feelings? Can i ruin our relationship?
 

fullpak

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Don’t rock that boat with your secret cinfession. If he is interested in that way, it will express itself as you continue to be friends. If he us not and you mention it, it may affect your current connection. Just my two cents....
 

ttmax

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It sounds like the two of you are building a really meaningful friendship. Although you both like girls (and, reading between the lines of what you say, or leave out, you are not checking out other guys), you care deeply for each other.
He always talks about girls, occasionally dates them, but you are happy together and he cried when you were apart. Crucial clue there.

Sexuality is a fluid and evolving spectrum and, in terms of bisexuality vs straight, it is more interesting to be able to dine a la carte, rather than being restricted to the set menu. What you have is so much more than just the possibility of a sexual encounter, however. You have a meaningful and enjoyable relationship which, if both of you would like to express it in physical terms, will likely be equally fulfilling and reinforce what you already have.

There is no good reason for you to feel bad about liking him, because his affection for you, from what you write, is equally strong. I suspect that he is just as hesitant as you about spoiling your relationship by saying or doing something.

It's probably best to avoid going out on a limb by making a move or saying anything too overt, in case he will not respond as you would hope, but I suspect that you are both in the same place of not wanting to risk what you already have.

Don't blurt things out, but follow a more subtle approach. Occasional brushing touches, leading conversation carefully in a certain direction, giving hints, without being overt. Best of luck.
 

Lester123

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hey guys,
So there is a dude that i think im in love with. I know im not fully straight but not gay either... I prefer girls over boys but this one dude has changed that for me.
We are together almost every day, for a year. We talk about everything and I’ve never felt happier and safer with anyone else. I enjoy being with him. I’ve told him how happy i was when i was with him, and he told me the same. He even cried for me when i wasn’t with him for a month. Like, he acts so caring and protective over me. But the problem is that he always talks about girls and he dates them. Not all the time but rarely. And for some reason i feel like a trash cus i like him and he dates other girls.
I don’t know what to do. Should i tell him about my feelings? Can i ruin our relationship?

I'm not sure of your ages, but I'm guessing mid-twenties. Possibly you're in a flat share with him?

These friendships can be intense and great, but if they don't progress to something more formal between you, then the strength of your friendship will drop eventually.

The reason I say this is that eventually one of these girls he sees will become more of a fixture, then they'll move in together. Inevitably you will spend less time with him. So, right now your friendship is as strong as it ever will be, unless it goes to the next level.

As a way to test this, you could tell him that you have had some past experiences with men. I.e. You're not saying you're in love with him, but you are testing the water to see if he (at some point) might confess the same. I agree that you shouldn't confess your love for him, but it might be worth putting some feelers out.

Just some thoughts from me.
 

StolAdele101

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Wow thanks for your responses. It’s killing me that he sends mixed signals. When we are together it seems like he doesn’t want to go home. We walk for hours and talk about our future, our past and we share our thoughts about everything. He once told me that he never says “i love you” to person who he doesn’t love. He only said that to one girl and me. On that I reacted like every straight boy would.. i said “no homo but i do to” . i was scared to come out with my feelings.
We are wrestlers, and when we are together, we often wrestle. We enjoy it together and i dont know why but he does a lot. Once i was on top of him, he didn’t attack. He just let me be on top of him.. then i came closer and rolled him over. Its a long story but i need help. I dont know if I should share my feelings with him cus im scared that im gonna lose this bond that i have.. its not another boring story, its my life.. im stuck. Help me..
 

StolAdele101

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I'm not sure of your ages, but I'm guessing mid-twenties. Possibly you're in a flat share with him?

These friendships can be intense and great, but if they don't progress to something more formal between you, then the strength of your friendship will drop eventually.

The reason I say this is that eventually one of these girls he sees will become more of a fixture, then they'll move in together. Inevitably you will spend less time with him. So, right now your friendship is as strong as it ever will be, unless it goes to the next level.

As a way to test this, you could tell him that you have had some past experiences with men. I.e. You're not saying you're in love with him, but you are testing the water to see if he (at some point) might confess the same. I agree that you shouldn't confess your love for him, but it might be worth putting some feelers out.

Just some thoughts from me.
Thanks for your genuine response. Im 22 and he’s one year older than me.
 

ohiorod

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Personally, I would value the friendship and not rock the boat. The suggestion to mention past experience with men sounds okay, but I would proceed cautiously and not read too much into his reaction. Misinterpreting his signals could ruin a valued friendship.
 
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deleted875903

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It’s a bromance my friend. From what you have written it tells me that you both are very close. Talk to him about what your struggling with. I believe he will be open to what you have to say.

For him to tell you that he loves you tells me that he is very comfortable with himself sexually. He obviously values your relationship with him and I believe he will listen to you and not judge. Communication is key.
 

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It’s a difficult situation to be in. If you say something your friendship may change. If you don’t it will change your behaviour around him because of this secret and over time he will sense something is wrong and then the friendship will also change.

You need to figure out by yourself what you want. Do you actually see yourself in a committed relationship with this guy in the future? Have you taken a close look at all his negative thraits? Are you capable and willing to put up with that if the fantasy were to come true? Or is it just a sexual attraction you need to get out of your system? Think long and hard about the answers to these questions before you take a next step.
 

StolAdele101

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Any updates?
Well, we were on party, both drunk, i told him to take a walk outside the party. I didn’t know what to say. I felt like the shyest person alive. So i strarted with: “you know what, I don’t feel same with you like I used to”.. and that’s what I’ve told him. I didn’t confess that night my feelings to him. He started do put pressure on me. He was saying: “tell me”, “why are you like that” etc etc... he was angry with me...

The next day, there was another party, so I made sure i was enough drunk to tell him my feelings. So, I asked him to take a walk with me outside the party. I told him: “i love you and I don’t wanna lose you”. And I hugged him. He didn’t say anything, and he was like “okay”. I expected a little much but nothing happened. Since then we don’t talk like we used to.. I think he is trying to distance me from him. And it hurts.
 

Brian S

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If he IS trying to distance himself, it could be for two reasons: it could be that the feelings aren't reciprocated and he's nervous about you. Or it could be that he's in the same boat and confused. Either way, I would say just try to move beyond your confession. I wouldn't try the "I was so drunk" method of walking it back, but I would just try to move forward. Invite him to hang out, see if he wants to hit a movie, or go out to eat. Whatever it is that would be normal for you two to do.

Make the offer, but don't inundate him. This is where it can get tricky and be hard, and where I've stumbled myself in the past. You want to let him know you're still down to be friends, but you can't overwhelm him with offers to hang out or multiple texts or what have you. In case he IS a bit wary of you; it will come off needy or as if you're trying to hard to bed him.

I have a gut feeling that things will be ok. You've told each other "I love you" before, and you've hugged before. I mean...you wrestle for no reason. I don't think he's going to be too disgusted by you. Good luck!
 
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deleted875903

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If he IS trying to distance himself, it could be for two reasons: it could be that the feelings aren't reciprocated and he's nervous about you. Or it could be that he's in the same boat and confused. Either way, I would say just try to move beyond your confession. I wouldn't try the "I was so drunk" method of walking it back, but I would just try to move forward. Invite him to hang out, see if he wants to hit a movie, or go out to eat. Whatever it is that would be normal for you two to do.

Make the offer, but don't inundate him. This is where it can get tricky and be hard, and where I've stumbled myself in the past. You want to let him know you're still down to be friends, but you can't overwhelm him with offers to hang out or multiple texts or what have you. In case he IS a bit wary of you; it will come off needy or as if you're trying to hard to bed him.

I have a gut feeling that things will be ok. You've told each other "I love you" before, and you've hugged before. I mean...you wrestle for no reason. I don't think he's going to be too disgusted by you. Good luck!
Ditto. It takes a real man to confess his feelings to another man. Your friend just needs time to digest what you just told him. That’s probably why he is being distant. Be patient with him, when he is ready to talk be open and listen.