- Joined
- May 2, 2013
- Posts
- 8,351
- Media
- 26
- Likes
- 23,755
- Points
- 508
- Location
- Purgatory (Maine, United States)
- Sexuality
- Asexual
- Gender
- Female
You said
As I ride away, I turn to check out the glutes and get caught so I ride away.
You did “watch.”
On A Scale Of "that's Kinda Cute" To Straight Blocking Me On Here, How Cringey Is What I Did Today?
- Thread starter PlumTip
- Start date
- Status
As I ride away, I turn to check out the glutes and get caught so I ride away.
You did “watch.”
Oh good grief. So basically everything is creepy, but especially so when you try not to be creepy. Also, women always want to be left alone. At the gym? No. At the grocery store? No. While hiking? No. Sharing a common interest like cycling or surfing? NO! While at work? No that's the worst of all. At a stop light? They just want to exist.
Seems like the only time it is appropriate is at a bar while she in inebriated. Huh.
Got it. Guess online is the only way in 2020 since every guy is a creepy, rape villain.
Y'all sound jaded as hell. Lighten up.
You asked me to go easy on you, you're making it really fucking hard.
For your own safety? Leaving your number for all the passing randos probably wasn't the brightest move. Most women would never leave their contact info out for the viewing public. And that kinda disconnect of awareness of women, and their very reasonable constant cautionary awareness, is one reason the note has a cringe factor.
Dream Girl - ya don't know her name. She might well be a very attractive member of a white supremacist group who hate puppies and old people. Off the bat all her value is based on what she looks like.
The single thing. Before any information about her you have expressed an interest in her sexually. Ya might not have meant it, see above where I mentioned women being very cautious. If the hand being extended in greeting seems aimed at my tits. I am gonna be cranky.
Leaving a note was not Rapey 101. Just poorly executed. Hell, she might give you a call.
Better approach with a note?
Sorry I almost ran you over. Mention being distracted by the scenery. *Self-deprecating goes here *Offer to take her out for coffee/snacks to make up for a near inadvertent squishing.
Email makes a great contact point. She can reach out without giving her number to a possible crazy person.
Dream Girl - ya don't know her name. She might well be a very attractive member of a white supremacist group who hate puppies and old people. Off the bat all her value is based on what she looks like.
The single thing. Before any information about her you have expressed an interest in her sexually. Ya might not have meant it, see above where I mentioned women being very cautious. If the hand being extended in greeting seems aimed at my tits. I am gonna be cranky.
Leaving a note was not Rapey 101. Just poorly executed. Hell, she might give you a call.
Better approach with a note?
Sorry I almost ran you over. Mention being distracted by the scenery. *Self-deprecating goes here *Offer to take her out for coffee/snacks to make up for a near inadvertent squishing.
Email makes a great contact point. She can reach out without giving her number to a possible crazy person.
You "lighten up"
You asked the women here and got a range of answers dependent on each woman's perspective.
Nobody hunted you down to force their opinion down your throat - you literally solicited the women here for their thoughts.
You got them
Creepy as fuck. Also how do you know she was single or that she is into men or even the car you left the note on belonged to her
Yeah. Jaded bitches. How dare women expect to exist in public spaces without being constantly appraised and reminded that randos might consider us fuckable.
I mean, read a book and enjoy a cup of coffee? The fucking nerve.
Pretending to go to the gym for long term health and enjoyment? Why would women wear tight fitting clothing if they don't want men to approach?
A woman, who made a point to go on a hike by herself? She was clearly advertising her lack of male attention.
Grocery store? Obviously she is out shopping for sandwich fixings for the man she's hoping to meet.
At work? Oh, yeah. Women know he's got a job and benefits. Totally worth risking a career for some rando.
Uughhh
Right. So there is literally no acceptable time to approach a woman. I never said I thought she was just HOPING a guy would think she was fuckable. I saw a pretty girl who was nice and I wanted to maybe buy her dinner or eventually a house.
So yes, jaded as fuck.
This is you being a rattle chucking pram baby. And a prime example of why women are always on the defense, ya pissy lil fuck.
There are plenty of times approaching a woman is acceptable. Your job is to recognize the open window. AND you being interested in her does not open the damn window.
At work? Never appropriate. Just don't fucking do it.
Woman in a coffee shop reading. Acceptable? Have you read the book? Yes? You are one step closer to an opening. Is she deeply engrossed in her current activity? Like hasn't even touched her drink in the last few minutes? No. She's having a her moment, fuck off.
If you must engage her. It's not hard to not be a douche.
One, apologize for interrupting her but you happen to love the book she's reading. Suggest another book by the author or of a similar nature. If she is receptive she'll communicate it, by body language or actions.*
*Because you now have pee-boy status. If she doesn't open a conversation go on with your day with out calling her jaded.
Since you like leaving notes? Buy her another of whatever she is having. Along with yummy of choice send a lil note that you don't want to disturb her, but ya noticed her... Non physical attribute goes here... and, again, email or other contact info.
At the gym? Is she in the middle of a set? Fuck off. Is she moving to a new piece of equipment? Check her vibe. Ask her for a tip on that particular bit of equipment. Again, if she's not interested she has an out. If she is, conversation has been opened.
Grocery store. Ask about something in a recipe? Where something is in the store.
None of this is hard. How do men fuck it up so completely?
Nobody said there's no appropriate time place or way to approach a woman, for fucks sake some of the women here even said what you did wasn't creepy to them.
Focus on only what you consider to be negative and apply it to the rest of us? Fucking stupid move and not a good way to find a woman in the future. We're not all the same.
I'm not jaded at all. Very fucking happy with an amazing man who never made me feel unsafe.
Be well. I'm done here.
Ok but you have got to realize how EASY this is to fuck it up, right?
So on a well traveled hiking trail, she CLEARLY doesn't want to be bothered, but her face in a damn book and it is fine.
I don't like the way you started, but at least you constructive, so I appreciate that...but women are far more complicated than men. I don't care if I am in the middle of fixing a space shuttle, if a girl wants to say hi, just do it. No harm.
You can't expect to know what every girl wants, because ever woman is an individual, correct? At least that's what these message boards say consistently...and what you said goes against all of that. Then it's "why don't I ever get hit on?
" Because you make it extremely difficult to just have a conversation as evidenced in this thread. I asked a harmless question and immediately I get attacked. Then when I defend myself all of a sudden I am crying over it.
Surely you must have some self recognition.
I only quoted the ones that came at me. I liked the comments that didn't immediately call me a creep. Even the ones that said it was but weren't rude as fuck I agreed with. Like you came out hard, I asked you to go easy, you didn't, so I came back at you.
Later.
What the fuck ever dude.
I didn't even start "going hard" on you. I'm just giving you an honest fucking answer, and you can't handle the idea that something you did is creepy as fuck to a woman. Which means it might have been creepy to her.
Even the way you phrased this question, you fucking knew some people might be creeped out by what you did. I don't think you're a creep. I just don't think you should leave notes. You fucking ASKED for my opinion as a woman here. I fucking gave it to you.
You're welcome.
You were not attacked. You were told that your actions might cause some women discomfort. That you might have indeed done something creepy. You knew before you asked. You wanted reassurance that you did nothing wrong.
And that is kind of the issue. Men don't want to be seen as "that guy" Women have to assess the possibility that every man she meets might be "that guy". Look how you reacted to mild resistance on a forum? Dudes do not do rejection well.
No. Women are not more complicated than men.
Women are raped and murdered more often than men*. And when horrible things happen to women, every action or choice she's made leading up to that meeting and after will be held against her.
*Yes, men are raped and murdered. That is not the conversation being had here, shitlords. Go away.
That's why women are on guard. Our literal lives depend on it.
News flash. A woman in a coffee shop has a certain level of protection. There are witnesses. There are people who would hopefully intervene if things turn ugly. She can turn to someone for help.
A woman on an isolate nature trail has none of those protections. Her only protection is the intentions of who she meets. There is a vulnerability to her situation you just don't get, because you don't live it or don't want to see it.
When you left your note, I can say with 100% certainty for If even only a brief moment the idea that you might be waiting for her in the parking lot flashed through her mind.
I am mostly gay. Like, really, hella, fucking gay. In my time I managed to approach/mingle and talk to heaps of women without making them uncomfortable.
Before ya say "that cuz you are a woman" I call bullshit. I not only had to figure out if a woman was open to my attention, I had to figure out her sexuality to boot. That is like a triple word square level of come-on.
And that is kind of the issue. Men don't want to be seen as "that guy" Women have to assess the possibility that every man she meets might be "that guy". Look how you reacted to mild resistance on a forum? Dudes do not do rejection well.
No. Women are not more complicated than men.
Women are raped and murdered more often than men*. And when horrible things happen to women, every action or choice she's made leading up to that meeting and after will be held against her.
*Yes, men are raped and murdered. That is not the conversation being had here, shitlords. Go away.
That's why women are on guard. Our literal lives depend on it.
News flash. A woman in a coffee shop has a certain level of protection. There are witnesses. There are people who would hopefully intervene if things turn ugly. She can turn to someone for help.
A woman on an isolate nature trail has none of those protections. Her only protection is the intentions of who she meets. There is a vulnerability to her situation you just don't get, because you don't live it or don't want to see it.
When you left your note, I can say with 100% certainty for If even only a brief moment the idea that you might be waiting for her in the parking lot flashed through her mind.
I am mostly gay. Like, really, hella, fucking gay. In my time I managed to approach/mingle and talk to heaps of women without making them uncomfortable.
Before ya say "that cuz you are a woman" I call bullshit. I not only had to figure out if a woman was open to my attention, I had to figure out her sexuality to boot. That is like a triple word square level of come-on.
Ramble goes here:
Yes. Women are justifiably cautious around strange men.
But also. Sometimes a woman just wants to be left alone. Not cuz some dudes are dangerous assbutts. Just because.
Respect that. Sometimes the most admiring action ya can take is respecting a woman having her moment in life and leaving her to enjoy it.
I genuinely love people watching. Started cuz I am an art nerd. Quick sketches for anatomy and general figure drawing. Character sketches of faces.
Once I grew out of my kid stage where people tolerated me staring I got better at not staring but still observing. I also got comfortable approaching people to ask if they minded being a model for minute. Most folks say yes. Being told no helped me learn to not take rejection personally. That a "no" is more about respecting others boundaries/comfort level and so much less about anything negative to do with me as a person. To this day? Super valuable lesson.
Maybe that's why dudes have an issue with women wanting space. Instead of hearing women say "I need to be in public without being an object or exist as a possible sexual option." Dudes are hearing "I don't want you, specifically you. You suck"?
That is so not the case. When I am in my leave-alone mindset my ideal could hit me up and I would be put out by the intrusion. Like, the love child of Xena and Dean Winchester could be all "wanna do thai food and zombie flix?" I would be all "really, universe? Are you fucking kidding me?"
Yes. Women are justifiably cautious around strange men.
But also. Sometimes a woman just wants to be left alone. Not cuz some dudes are dangerous assbutts. Just because.
Respect that. Sometimes the most admiring action ya can take is respecting a woman having her moment in life and leaving her to enjoy it.
I genuinely love people watching. Started cuz I am an art nerd. Quick sketches for anatomy and general figure drawing. Character sketches of faces.
Once I grew out of my kid stage where people tolerated me staring I got better at not staring but still observing. I also got comfortable approaching people to ask if they minded being a model for minute. Most folks say yes. Being told no helped me learn to not take rejection personally. That a "no" is more about respecting others boundaries/comfort level and so much less about anything negative to do with me as a person. To this day? Super valuable lesson.
Maybe that's why dudes have an issue with women wanting space. Instead of hearing women say "I need to be in public without being an object or exist as a possible sexual option." Dudes are hearing "I don't want you, specifically you. You suck"?
That is so not the case. When I am in my leave-alone mindset my ideal could hit me up and I would be put out by the intrusion. Like, the love child of Xena and Dean Winchester could be all "wanna do thai food and zombie flix?" I would be all "really, universe? Are you fucking kidding me?"
- Joined
- May 2, 2013
- Posts
- 8,351
- Media
- 26
- Likes
- 23,755
- Points
- 508
- Location
- Purgatory (Maine, United States)
- Sexuality
- Asexual
- Gender
- Female
Wow someone got a nerve hit.
I simply quoted YOUR OWN WORDS to say you did indeed watch, and it sounded like you stopped only because you were caught.
You asked where this series of actions was from “ kinda cute” to “block you on here.” And you asked how cringe inducing it was.
So you knew you weren’t in the clear.
If you are lucky, she’s just telling her friends and laughing at you.
If you aren’t, be prepared to see your note on social media.
And yeah, I have a right to fucking exist without dudes hitting on me.
Just putting this out there to my RLG & SBA crew....
I am always down for thai food and zombie flix.
*leaves phone facing up with Door Dash and Netflix apps clearly visible*
I am always down for thai food and zombie flix.
*leaves phone facing up with Door Dash and Netflix apps clearly visible*
Ok, so I retract my statement that if I were dream girl and thought you were cute, I'd call. Although I think some women here misread your post and interpreted that you left a note on her car and their responses aren't 100% applicable, I don't like your reaction to the ladies here. Not one bit. They shared how it would make them feel uncomfortable, some JUSTIFIABLY based on full on sexual assault experiences by men in similar situations, and you threw your sucker in the dirt. You essentially said their reactions were wrong... just because it doesn't suit your white knight/gentleman narrative. The reaction you're reading here, but apparently failing to understand, is that women are not here for your viewing pleasure. We're more than just a fuck toy, should you find us fuckable. If you're only focusing on the exterior, you're missing out on the best part of a woman.
Yeah...and the fact that she was super sweet and friendly only led me to want to get to know her more. Which everyone here is mistaking for "being fuckable". It is like nobody thinks that initial attraction is a necessary part of the entire courting ritual.
Also, my reaction is based on me asking if what I did was cringe worthy, but then they're just jumping in and going "yes, you're creepy as fuck". I know for a fact I am not "creepy" but some of the ladies in here act like it is their job to berate every man on here that doesn't kiss ass. I won't do that. But I will defend myself against chicks that cant read and attack my character.
- Status
Similar threads
