Overly Eager Hook-Ups

[hornisimp]

I am someone who is not very experienced sexually and so I've relegated myself to a life as a side and a bottom (if ever i hook up which is not very often). I want to try my hand at topping since it aligned more with my sexual nature but I'm running into an issue. Maybe this is a sign of ED or something health related but i can't manage to keep a hard on whenever i've tried to do so. At first I thought it was an issue on my end but I think it's an issue of the hook up culture. How am i expected to stay hard when someone invites me into their house, immediately undresses, lick my piece a few and immediately demands i fuck them. Does anyone else experience this? Like should I seen help from a doctor or should I be expecting more play from a partner to help set the mood?

Any advice or discussion would be great.

 

[MeatStickSupreme]

I don't think anything's wrong with you. Its the same case for me.

Sexual arousal and good sex in general requires foreplay, connection and intimacy. And hookup culture doesn't help with any of those.

Maybe it would help you more to try to find a longer term partner, someone you can slow down with and take the time to explore.

 

[LPSG Simon]

I can't get into the idea of transactional hookups either. I need some intrigue, curiosity and mental stimulation (even if it's just a quick bit of banter to get a bit of a glow on for them so I know Im not just fucking a kleenex box).

Suggest that this is merely a matter of standards. Find out what works for you and insist on that. It might make for a narrower window of opportunity, but you'll find yourself disappointed and frustrated a lot less often.

As far as tips go, try chatting with them a bit longer. If you say, hook up on the weekend, do your reconnaissance throughout the week instead of turning on the apps and looking for something 'right now'. People rail on and on about 'time wasters' but those are the ones you probably don't want anyhow. If they're patient enough for a bit of rapport you'll know they're probably more compatible with what you're after, and the rest will come a bit more easily.

 

[chrisrobin]

I don't think anything's wrong with you. Its the same case for me.

Sexual arousal and good sex in general requires foreplay, connection and intimacy. And hookup culture doesn't help with any of those.

Maybe it would help you more to try to find a longer term partner, someone you can slow down with and take the time to explore.

Many of us experience this, much has to do with the mental idea of what we are supposed to be, pre conceived ideas about what to expect but little thought about what sex is, especially when its a hook up.
Yes I will maintain an erection and fuck on demand if the situation is there for a quickie and the other side wants meat up the bum. But if its an encounter in intimate surroundings then my body functions differently. I need to be wooed, have foreplay, take time and for the other side not to expect an instant erection etc etc etc...
So my advice is to take it slow, build up to that moment of intimacy and for goodness sake dont over think.

 

[casper72]

man, it's good to hear somebody else has had this happen. I have been the same and sometimes it works out in a little while, I've been wanting to get hard more rapidly because the partner was wanting- something.
and it just seemed to be more 'polite' or approving of his ministrations to grow stiff. I have had the pleasure of cumming while soft in the mix, but I would rather get and give hard cocks the job.

 

[elklindoxxx]

I am someone who is not very experienced sexually and so I've relegated myself to a life as a side and a bottom (if ever i hook up which is not very often). I want to try my hand at topping since it aligned more with my sexual nature but I'm running into an issue. Maybe this is a sign of ED or something health related but i can't manage to keep a hard on whenever i've tried to do so. At first I thought it was an issue on my end but I think it's an issue of the hook up culture. How am i expected to stay hard when someone invites me into their house, immediately undresses, lick my piece a few and immediately demands i fuck them. Does anyone else experience this? Like should I seen help from a doctor or should I be expecting more play from a partner to help set the mood?

Any advice or discussion would be great.

When my partner and I go to events for couples. It pretty much always starts with a social mixer where people will socialize first. And you don't have to drink alcohol. I don't drink alcohol before I have sex. Then the DJ will start the music and you match up with your couple(s). And it turns into a bump and grind/grope fest, to get people to get worked up before having sex.

For me, I need foreplay before having sex. I'm not 20 years old any more when I could get an erection in 5 seconds. So I need a little bit of work to prepare for sexual activity. But when I get there I'm good to go.

We have been to swinger events where there were other younger guys who were around the periphery. And they were masturbating to get erect for sex and it wasn't working for them. I think it was mostly performance anxiety because they were so desperate to get involved. And end breaking down under pressure. So you are not alone. Consider visiting your doctor for a check up. To see if you are having physical issues or if you have performance anxiety.

 

[BulgeGuySD]

I am someone who is not very experienced sexually and so I've relegated myself to a life as a side and a bottom (if ever i hook up which is not very often). I want to try my hand at topping since it aligned more with my sexual nature but I'm running into an issue. Maybe this is a sign of ED or something health related but i can't manage to keep a hard on whenever i've tried to do so. At first I thought it was an issue on my end but I think it's an issue of the hook up culture. How am i expected to stay hard when someone invites me into their house, immediately undresses, lick my piece a few and immediately demands i fuck them. Does anyone else experience this? Like should I seen help from a doctor or should I be expecting more play from a partner to help set the mood?

Any advice or discussion would be great.

You are not alone on this buddy, for what I’ve seeing so far is more comment then I thought, sex is not just stick it, pump it, done ! or how we say it wam ban thank you maim, and as I was told by a profesional in this area the biggest sex organ is not your penis, or butthole is your brain, and your skin, I’m also had experience this same scenario, also fury’s for me I have to really really like the person I’m going to give my self to, and it have to be a mutual agreement some things are negociable but othered are not, like good hygiene, if there is something funky down under .. not going to happens, but a bit men’s odor at the arm pits can be arousing and erotic, having said that there is nothing wrong with you, you just happen to choose the wrong people, there is a lot of us, the like the foreplay before the deed !