Platonic Friendship With Gay Men

[gaydude45]

Having platonic friendship with good, normal men has been somewhat difficult for me, as it seems too many people out there are possessed of allegiance complexes and bogged down by endless identity politics. Whether they're gay or straight, they seem to think that you have to be totally in one camp or the other to belong in any way at all. Therefore, my question is this:

Are you able to be friends with gay men, despite them being different from yourself? If so, would it be possible for such a man to become your very best friend? He doesn't want anything sexual from you, just your friendship.

I have one good friend in my life right now (apart from my beloved partner, who is my best friend), and he is straight, married, and a delight to be around. But everyone else seems like a jerk. Most straight men just seem boring, and the gays appear insane. I'm just a regular guy, but I'm certainly not boring. Am I doomed to have little to no platonic friends in my adult life?

 

[Rooker]

Of course it’s possible, I have many gay friends and they have many straight friends. I know plenty of boring gay people and insane straight people to. It’s just sample size.

The only problem I see is when, as you said, identity is too important to people.

 

[gaydude45]

Of course it’s possible, I have many gay friends and they have many straight friends. I know plenty of boring gay people and insane straight people to. It’s just sample size.

The only problem I see is when, as you said, identity is too important to people.

Thank you for the perspective.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Most straight men just seem boring,

Am I doomed to have little to no platonic friends in my adult life?

As long as you think the 1st statement is a bad thing, then yes to your question.
"Boring" is an unfortunate moniker placed upon straight men by primarily women whom see men dare invest time and energy in exploits she cannot directly glean protection or provision from. Most straight men have hobbies which bring them lots of joy and fulfillment, but will still be called boring because women see no value in it...so to hear another man parrot that sentiment implies and reinforces this toxically effeminate expectation of straight men being dancing monkeys for your entertainment.
If you want real platonic straight male friends, you should be prioritizing camaraderie, utility, and cooperation, if you want to be "not bored" get female/gay friends, or simply buy a dog and teach it tricks.

 

[gaydude45]

As long as you think the 1st statement is a bad thing, then yes to your question.
"Boring" is an unfortunate moniker placed upon straight men by primarily women whom see men dare invest time and energy in exploits she cannot directly glean protection or provision from. Most straight men have hobbies which bring them lots of joy and fulfillment, but will still be called boring because women see no value in it...so to hear another man parrot that sentiment implies and reinforces this toxically effeminate expectation of straight men being dancing monkeys for your entertainment.
If you want real platonic straight male friends, you should be prioritizing camaraderie, utility, and cooperation, if you want to be "not bored" get female/gay friends, or simply buy a dog and teach it tricks.

Well gay men have appeared to me to be more cultured and interested in things either more philosophical or artistic. Most men aren't terribly captivated by these things unless a woman in involved in it.

Point is, it would be nice to have nice normal friends with similar interests who aren't creeped out by the fact that I like men as well as the fact I cohabitate with one in the romantic-carnal sense.

 

[justaguy5000]

Yeah it's definitely possible. I have a very close friend that's gay. I didn't know he was gay when we met, but I honestly don't think it would have mattered. He ended up living with me while he was recovering from a pretty bad car accident and he came out to me after living with me for awhile. It didn't really change anything between us.

I don't have too many friends, but the ones I do have are all pretty awesome. I think as long as they are good people and have your best interests at heart then it doesn't matter what their orientation is.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Well gay men have appeared to me to be more cultured and interested in things either more philosophical or artistic. Most men aren't terribly captivated by these things unless a woman in involved in it.

Absolutely not true, if anything if sex is not a concern, or available, straight men often delve so far into philosophy/art that it turns off women...again when society delegitimizes straight men's interests, whenever they express their artistry or philosophy in a way that doesn't appeal to or serve women's(and gay men's) interests, it gets considered less captivating....

Point is, it would be nice to have nice normal friends with similar interests who aren't creeped out by the fact that I like men as well as the fact I cohabitate with one in the romantic-carnal sense

Most men don't care what you do in you're own time, but if you have some expectation that they should be as supportive or congratulatory of your male conquests, then I think that makes you the creepy one, relatively.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I also think perhaps if you would like more straight male friends, you should perhaps look things from their perspective, when it comes to the tendencies you ascribe to them. Do you give grace for the fact that infinitely more so than any other demographic, straight men are only really valued and positively incentivized by society for the "boring" things like production, "allegiance complexes", like firm stances and camaraderie. Why do you expect to find in straight men that which they tend not to be rewarded for until after they've mated/dated( which is probably why the vast majority of the time gay men reference true platonic straight friends that are "cultured/philosophical enough"they are always already in a marriage/ltr)? Can you understand that from a straight man's perspective a lot of gay men's complaint about their inability to find suitable straight male friends, sounds a lot like the preselective dysfunction so prominent amongst women and their romantic dealings with men?

 

[ronin001]

I am not sure what parts of the USA, you have traveled. But in New York, not all gay men fit into a single pattern. Yes some are cultured, but just as many are not. I would guess that the millions of gay --- steel workers, ditch diggers , plumbers, garbage men are no more cultured than their straight co-worker / counterparts. But to answer, friendship should not be based on sexuality. Some men and some women can be platonic best friends, so why not 2 males of different sexual appetites.

 

[notthatguy]

Not sure what sexual orientation would have to do with friendship?

I have lots of female friends who I don't have sex with.

 

[lapdog2001]

Of course it’s possible, I have many gay friends and they have many straight friends. I know plenty of boring gay people and insane straight people to. It’s just sample size.

The only problem I see is when, as you said, identity is too important to people.

I have friends, and friends of friends that are gay or bi. It's common interests (not sexual partners) that is why we are friends

Not sure what sexual orientation would have to do with friendship?

I have lots of female friends who I don't have sex with.

Same here. Common interests, senses of humor and who knows what else makes the friendship work. Who they sleep with is irrelevant.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Not sure what sexual orientation would have to do with friendship?

I have lots of female friends who I don't have sex with.

There's actually a lot of hurdles gender and sexuality tend to throw into the possibility of a mutually beneficial dynamic of friendship, but in this particular case, pay attention to the language:

Well gay men have appeared to me to be more cultured and interested in things either more philosophical or artistic. Most men aren't terribly captivated by these things unless a woman in involved in it.

It's like a foreign legion of The Sisterhood, replete with the reticular, and frankly solipsistic focus only on those aspects of philosophy and arts that serve women and their interests. How hard is it to recognize that perhaps the philosophy and arts a lot of straight men gravitate towards simply do not interest most women(and by proxy gay men)?

 

[gaydude45]

There's actually a lot of hurdles gender and sexuality tend to throw into the possibility of a mutually beneficial dynamic of friendship, but in this particular case, pay attention to the language:

It's like a foreign legion of The Sisterhood, replete with the reticular, and frankly solipsistic focus only on those aspects of philosophy and arts that serve women and their interests. How hard is it to recognize that perhaps the philosophy and arts a lot of straight men gravitate towards simply do not interest most women(and by proxy gay men)?

I really don't know what you're talking about.

 

[gaydude45]

No one ever does. It's either harmless word salad or deliberate trolling BS on his part.

I appreciate the input.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I really don't know what you're talking about.

You do, but it's not flattering nor confirming of your world view, so predictably you feign ignorance and/ disinterest until a friendly ear provides you support.

Well gay men have appeared to me to be more cultured and interested in things either more philosophical or artistic. Most men aren't terribly captivated by these things unless a woman in involved in it.

straight men often delve so far into philosophy/art that it turns off women...again when society delegitimizes straight men's interests, whenever they express their artistry or philosophy in a way that doesn't appeal to or serve women's(and gay men's) interests, it gets considered less captivating....

You don't value the artistic and philosophical interests of straight men so you claim it non existent, as if your perception of artistry and philosophy ought to be the metric by which straight men are measured.

 

[nonasoumy]

Are you able to be friends with gay men, despite them being different from yourself?

No, but I'm a bitch.

 

[gaydude45]

No, but I'm a bitch.

Hope your puppies fare better than your friends.

 

[Seeking Booty]

Reading through this was interesting, it went south so hard. It was interesting, expressive, and enlightened. Then, it went standard.