Poly/non-monagamous Folks

[pretzelslut]

So I know there are a lot of misconceptions/preconceptions when it comes to open relationships. I've been in both monogamous and polyamorous and I enjoy aspects of both of them. I've been dating my current boyfriend since early September and from the very start we had established that we would like to keep our minds open to what could be on the horizon. We're there for each other, we communicate well, and we always express what's on our minds, no matter what. When people ask why I'm okay with my S/O having sex with others I simply tell them that a hormonal urge doesn't compare to having a real connection with someone, and we're both safe and smart about who we are intimate with. I see insecurities manipulating and misinterpreting what it means to be in a relationship, and jealousy hiding behind the facade of a moral obligation to "being faithful."

"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, then it was never meant to be." – Unknown


I'm also not going to pretend that a lot of people misconstrue the meanings behind having an open relationship. A lot of people will throw it around, simply to facade a fear of making a connection with someone, or not having the capacity to trust. Monogamous or polyamorous, it really just boils down to learning how to be share happiness with yourself before trying to do so with someone else.

I'd love to hear some stories or thoughts on the topic. I feel the best way to educate people and clear the negative stigma behind it is to just hear the stories of others who have found something good along the way.

 

[cedarizzo]

Too many people confuse love and sex. They are two totally different things.

 

[pretzelslut]

Too many people confuse love and sex. They are two totally different things.

 

[HorseHung40's]

Too many people confuse love and sex. They are two totally different things.

Well said.

 

[stustu]

Some folks don't understand how someone can love one person and have sex with another!
Isn't sex the ultimate expression of your love?
Why not have sex with the person you love?

 

[halcyondays]

To pair-bond or not to pair-bond: that is the question
Whether tis nobler to suffer
The slings and arrows of exclusive relationship
Or to take the arms of many lovers
And by loving mend them? To lay, to sleep
No more with just one love; and by sleep we mean to lay with many to end
The heartache and the thousand unnatural shocks
That a relationship is heir to, tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished...

It's not for everyone is it? In my experience polyamory doesn't work when everyone knows each other. Jealousy and competition rear their ugly heads and ruin everything. It's honest to be open but also to be jealous, insecure and hurt.

Instinctually we want exclusive pair bonds and don't want them at the same time. Our species does not naturally form exclusive pair bonds for long so violation of the pair bond must be made taboo by death penalty, shame and guilt in holy books to enforce the unnatural.

I am devoutly non-monogamous. This disappoints those who want exclusiveness. It pleases those who want sexual intimacy without the bindings, pitfalls, judgements and boredom of exclusivity. Of these I know and have known many.

 

[marriedasian]

changing people is an overall very difficult thing whether it's this subject or politics or favorite ice cream for that matter. the point is that people are nurtured into themselves over time based on their own experiences and whom they listened to growing up. very few will have the mental capacity to challenge the societal norm and wonder why they are the way they are.

to the OP, not many people can compartmentalize sex and emotions... many will think of these two as a single entity that is forever cherished and never broken... alas what mentioned above.

my wife and i have no issues with it. our only stipulation is that we share our intent to fuck other people and to vet their safety as well as our own. anything other than that is fair game. she with me for what i can offer in a relationship and her for me. we don't live in fantasy land.

 

[DorianGray86]

Too many people confuse love and sex. They are two totally different things.

Equally, a lot of people assume that people who are non-monogamous reeeeally only love (at most) one person, and merely have sex with the rest. People have the capacity for different kinds of love and different kinds of sex, and sex generally doesn’t occur in a vacuum. Though a hookup with a stranger might not lead to unconditional, lifelong love, it isn’t necessarily “only sex” and devoid of “meaning”.