Porn Addiction Issue in Relationship

[ShyGuy1234]

My boyfriend and I started off great. There was a decline in sex but I brushed it off as busy life. I checked my partners phone and noticed that he was recording other men pee from the stall (would record understall). I confronted him about it and he lied about the picture, and then lied saying that he downloaded the video from telegram (I previously saw that the video had the location of where he shot the video).

After the confrontation, he told me that he has habitually done this for over a year, and recently started back up again because of stress. He says that the gets an adrenaline rush from capturing other guys and jacks off to them in the stall. He also stated that he is curious as to what other people are packing. He agreed that he has porn addiction and is now seeking help.

I asked him if he was unsatisfied in the relationship, but he said that he was. I asked him if he wanted to open the relationship and he told me no, that open relationships are basically a bandaid to a bigger issue.

What do you all think of the issue? I’m at a complete loss of words because our relationship was based on honesty, and he felt so ashamed that he didn’t share this aspect of his life with me. I’m just trying to vent and get different perspective from other people. He wants to continue in the relationship.

 

[jellyfishh]

It's difficult because I know nothing about your relationship. Me personally, I'd be deeply upset by it. I only want a monogamous relationship, i'd never been in an open relationship. So, I would see it as an act of cheating I guess but then again I am an extremely jealous person. Of course it's not at the same level as kissing/sex but i'd still have a huge problem with it. Also, i'd be concerned about the fact he's recording strangers peeing without their consent.

I guess it all depends on how you feel, you say you asked if he wanted an open relationship so i'm not sure if you're also open to that? But, i'd say best thing to do is make sure he is seeking help and not just saying that and also improve communication within your relationship.

 

[Evenflow618]

Something is off about him. Why the fuck would anybody want to do that.

 

[JJREAGAN]

My boyfriend and I started off great. There was a decline in sex but I brushed it off as busy life. I checked my partners phone and noticed that he was recording other men pee from the stall (would record understall). I confronted him about it and he lied about the picture, and then lied saying that he downloaded the video from telegram (I previously saw that the video had the location of where he shot the video).

After the confrontation, he told me that he has habitually done this for over a year, and recently started back up again because of stress. He says that the gets an adrenaline rush from capturing other guys and jacks off to them in the stall. He also stated that he is curious as to what other people are packing. He agreed that he has porn addiction and is now seeking help.

I asked him if he was unsatisfied in the relationship, but he said that he was. I asked him if he wanted to open the relationship and he told me no, that open relationships are basically a bandaid to a bigger issue.

What do you all think of the issue? I’m at a complete loss of words because our relationship was based on honesty, and he felt so ashamed that he didn’t share this aspect of his life with me. I’m just trying to vent and get different perspective from other people. He wants to continue in the relationship.

He should have been honest with you. I’m guessing he was a little ashamed of his somewhat kinky addiction, and probably hoped your relationship would ‘fix’ it. I’m not excusing his dishonesty, I feel bad for you. I’m sorry.

 

[elklindoxxx]

My boyfriend and I started off great. There was a decline in sex but I brushed it off as busy life. I checked my partners phone and noticed that he was recording other men pee from the stall (would record understall). I confronted him about it and he lied about the picture, and then lied saying that he downloaded the video from telegram (I previously saw that the video had the location of where he shot the video).

After the confrontation, he told me that he has habitually done this for over a year, and recently started back up again because of stress. He says that the gets an adrenaline rush from capturing other guys and jacks off to them in the stall. He also stated that he is curious as to what other people are packing. He agreed that he has porn addiction and is now seeking help.

I asked him if he was unsatisfied in the relationship, but he said that he was. I asked him if he wanted to open the relationship and he told me no, that open relationships are basically a bandaid to a bigger issue.

What do you all think of the issue? I’m at a complete loss of words because our relationship was based on honesty, and he felt so ashamed that he didn’t share this aspect of his life with me. I’m just trying to vent and get different perspective from other people. He wants to continue in the relationship

You should ask yourself is it really worth it to continue on in this relationship? Are there better fish in the sea? Just think about it.

 

[sfca9]

My boyfriend and I started off great. There was a decline in sex but I brushed it off as busy life. I checked my partners phone and noticed that he was recording other men pee from the stall (would record understall). I confronted him about it and he lied about the picture, and then lied saying that he downloaded the video from telegram (I previously saw that the video had the location of where he shot the video).

After the confrontation, he told me that he has habitually done this for over a year, and recently started back up again because of stress. He says that the gets an adrenaline rush from capturing other guys and jacks off to them in the stall. He also stated that he is curious as to what other people are packing. He agreed that he has porn addiction and is now seeking help.

I asked him if he was unsatisfied in the relationship, but he said that he was. I asked him if he wanted to open the relationship and he told me no, that open relationships are basically a bandaid to a bigger issue.

What do you all think of the issue? I’m at a complete loss of words because our relationship was based on honesty, and he felt so ashamed that he didn’t share this aspect of his life with me. I’m just trying to vent and get different perspective from other people. He wants to continue in the relationship.

I think it's unrealistic to expect our partners to be completely honest with us, but I can understand your frustration with him not sharing a big part of his erotic life with you. Have you thought of sharing something about your erotic life with him? I'm sure there is something that you like or liked that you have not shared with him. I don't mean something you are actively keeping from him, but we all have things we don't just automatically share. Another thing you want to consider is, is this an activity you can somehow share with him or participate in? He might learn to become more vulnerable with you if you show him that you're not judging him, but instead willing to experiment with him. Of course, you have to want to continue with this relationship as well in order to take that step.

 

[JJREAGAN]

You should ask yourself is it really worth it to continue on in this relationship? Are there better fish in the sea? Just think about it.

Good advice!

 

[Richard M S]

Your title, and likely your understanding of the issue, is missing the real issue.

Your boyfriend does not have a porn addiction issue, he is filming guys peeing from under the stall without their consent. If he gets caught and one of those guys was underage, he's screwed. If one of the men catches him he could get a punch in the face, or at the very least, an arrest. Simply watching porn featuring consenting adults won't get you arrested.

Your boyfriend need help, and based on what you have written so far, you sure aren't qualified to deal with such an issue.

 

[JamieRobles]

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing in your relationship. It's important to recognize that each individual and relationship is unique, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution.

 

[JJREAGAN]

Well said. And I agree.

 

[dreamer20]

Your title, and likely your understanding of the issue, is missing the real issue.
Your boyfriend does not have a porn addiction issue, he is filming guys peeing from under the stall without their consent. If he gets caught he's screwed. If one of the men catches him he could get a punch in the face, or at the very least, an arrest. Watching porn featuring consenting adults won't get you arrested. Your boyfriend needs help, and based on what you have written so far, you sure aren't qualified to deal with such an issue.

^^Yes, this. Advise your boyfriend to stop this criminal activity and consult a psychotherapist concerning his unhealthy obsession.

 

[dallasbodybuilder2002]

I think it's unrealistic to expect our partners to be completely honest with us, but I can understand your frustration with him not sharing a big part of his erotic life with you. Have you thought of sharing something about your erotic life with him? I'm sure there is something that you like or liked that you have not shared with him. I don't mean something you are actively keeping from him, but we all have things we don't just automatically share. Another thing you want to consider is, is this an activity you can somehow share with him or participate in? He might learn to become more vulnerable with you if you show him that you're not judging him, but instead willing to experiment with him. Of course, you have to want to continue with this relationship as well in order to take that step.

Then both would be behind bars

 

[dallasbodybuilder2002]

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing in your relationship. It's important to recognize that each individual and relationship is unique, and there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution.

But doing something that is illegal doesn't make it right. Police records can affect jobs or if he does this to an underage. Becoming a pedo will hang with him for the rest of his life.