- chai,
So because of COVID there seems to be ample time to think and reflect on my thoughts. I wanted to reach out to this community to see if anyone has been through a similar situation or has a point of view / advice. I'm pretty Type A so I am going to organize my thoughts in a way that makes sense to me.
Preamble
- While I want to identify as bi-curious - I have no issues with guys or gals
- I can rationalize anything to myself so Im hoping I am not repressing any 'true feelings / thoughts'
Childhood / Highschool
- I didn't have a father figure or any male figures in my life growing up - I found it was easier to be friends with girls
- I have bully and teased and was constantly called gay
- I was a version of 'mentally abused' by mother - I think abuse is a very strong word and I don't want to make light of situations where people go through much harder
- As I didn't have friends I lacked experience with talking to girls - I feel like I missed out on a lot of important experience
- I was so confused - I watched all sorts of porn but mostly straight porn and pictures of guys naked or in underwear
- I use to fantasize about guys jerking off together / still do
University
- I finally found male friends and it was very different
- I had my first relationship but I was more focused with hanging out with my new male friends - as I never had that experience before so the bonding and coma diary was new and made me feel like I finally belonged
- Sex was good - only with girls - no problem getting or staying hard
- Had MFM threesomes which were really fun and saw my first dick in real life
- Had no real interest in being with a guy
After University
- I begin to explore more - mostly wanking with other guys - kissing another guy didn't really do anything for it
- I let guys suck and rim me but didn't want to return the favour - it was more of a dominant thing and getting off
- I had no interest in seeking out relationship with a guy but if I was horny it was much easier to use Grindr for a guy to suck me off then deal with the emotions / time involved with getting a girl
- Was into the party scene and was someone of an alcoholic - my social life revolved heavily around drinking & started to dabble in drugs
- My porn preferences turned into more mfm and rough sex
- I was curious and was questioning if I was gay so I went on a date with a guy - While I didn't really do anything sexually with him it was good to get blown - kissing a guy wasn't really my thing but it was great to wank together
- Over this time I want to say I had about 30 one/two night stands with girls - mostly after the bar or drunken hookups.
- I never got into a relationship because it wasn't really my priority focus - I spent a lot of time single and I thought it was more fun that being in a relationship would have been. Due to childhood trauma too I didn't feel like I was worth of a relationship. With alcohol I was able to be more confident and not have to worry about any childhood stuff
- I used the chat room here as a release and I found myself spending a lot of time on it talking about the stuff that turned me on (mfm, jerking and bro bonding etc.)
- I also think I had a bit of porn addiction where it was easier to watch porn then find the real thing
- Throughout the tail end late 20's I found myself using viagra as a crutch - it was now completely find to get absolutely hammered and still be able to perform
Most recent relationship
- Was with a female- finally found love - recently broke up
- While the sex was good it got boring and vanilla quick and I think I really like the chase
- I found myself either not being able to stay hard or get hard without viagra - this was moreso in the beginning to make sure I was able to perform and at the end when I was having doubts about the relationship
- Going down on her was fun and I liked that she came all the time
- I did find myself wanting to have more kinky sex or have mfm with other people
- I was kind of glad when she was on her period cause that meant I didnt have any performance anxiety and we could just drink and have fun
Now
- I think I realize the impact alcohol was having on me and I've stopped drinking as much
- I'm much more focused on living a healthier lifestyle
- While I don't have the same drive as some of my friends to get laid - I'm focused on finding a LT relationship
- I don't think I want a relationship with a guy - I still have no interest to kiss/have sex with - but still kinda turned on to wank or get serviced
- I'm trying to reduce my intake of porn
Main Questions
- Has anyone been through a similar experience
- Is my lack of interest/desire on constantly wanting to hookup with a girl indicative of sexuality- I don't think I have the same urge and need to have sex with every girl
- I also don't have the same urge to wank with every guy or do more - I'm not sure if this is repressed thoughts of actual thoughts
-
cc - Ask Straight Man/BiSex/Gay
Preamble
- While I want to identify as bi-curious - I have no issues with guys or gals
- I can rationalize anything to myself so Im hoping I am not repressing any 'true feelings / thoughts'
Childhood / Highschool
- I didn't have a father figure or any male figures in my life growing up - I found it was easier to be friends with girls
- I have bully and teased and was constantly called gay
- I was a version of 'mentally abused' by mother - I think abuse is a very strong word and I don't want to make light of situations where people go through much harder
- As I didn't have friends I lacked experience with talking to girls - I feel like I missed out on a lot of important experience
- I was so confused - I watched all sorts of porn but mostly straight porn and pictures of guys naked or in underwear
- I use to fantasize about guys jerking off together / still do
University
- I finally found male friends and it was very different
- I had my first relationship but I was more focused with hanging out with my new male friends - as I never had that experience before so the bonding and coma diary was new and made me feel like I finally belonged
- Sex was good - only with girls - no problem getting or staying hard
- Had MFM threesomes which were really fun and saw my first dick in real life
- Had no real interest in being with a guy
After University
- I begin to explore more - mostly wanking with other guys - kissing another guy didn't really do anything for it
- I let guys suck and rim me but didn't want to return the favour - it was more of a dominant thing and getting off
- I had no interest in seeking out relationship with a guy but if I was horny it was much easier to use Grindr for a guy to suck me off then deal with the emotions / time involved with getting a girl
- Was into the party scene and was someone of an alcoholic - my social life revolved heavily around drinking & started to dabble in drugs
- My porn preferences turned into more mfm and rough sex
- I was curious and was questioning if I was gay so I went on a date with a guy - While I didn't really do anything sexually with him it was good to get blown - kissing a guy wasn't really my thing but it was great to wank together
- Over this time I want to say I had about 30 one/two night stands with girls - mostly after the bar or drunken hookups.
- I never got into a relationship because it wasn't really my priority focus - I spent a lot of time single and I thought it was more fun that being in a relationship would have been. Due to childhood trauma too I didn't feel like I was worth of a relationship. With alcohol I was able to be more confident and not have to worry about any childhood stuff
- I used the chat room here as a release and I found myself spending a lot of time on it talking about the stuff that turned me on (mfm, jerking and bro bonding etc.)
- I also think I had a bit of porn addiction where it was easier to watch porn then find the real thing
- Throughout the tail end late 20's I found myself using viagra as a crutch - it was now completely find to get absolutely hammered and still be able to perform
Most recent relationship
- Was with a female- finally found love - recently broke up
- While the sex was good it got boring and vanilla quick and I think I really like the chase
- I found myself either not being able to stay hard or get hard without viagra - this was moreso in the beginning to make sure I was able to perform and at the end when I was having doubts about the relationship
- Going down on her was fun and I liked that she came all the time
- I did find myself wanting to have more kinky sex or have mfm with other people
- I was kind of glad when she was on her period cause that meant I didnt have any performance anxiety and we could just drink and have fun
Now
- I think I realize the impact alcohol was having on me and I've stopped drinking as much
- I'm much more focused on living a healthier lifestyle
- While I don't have the same drive as some of my friends to get laid - I'm focused on finding a LT relationship
- I don't think I want a relationship with a guy - I still have no interest to kiss/have sex with - but still kinda turned on to wank or get serviced
- I'm trying to reduce my intake of porn
Main Questions
- Has anyone been through a similar experience
- Is my lack of interest/desire on constantly wanting to hookup with a girl indicative of sexuality- I don't think I have the same urge and need to have sex with every girl
- I also don't have the same urge to wank with every guy or do more - I'm not sure if this is repressed thoughts of actual thoughts
-
cc - Ask Straight Man/BiSex/Gay
