Rant about YouTube video that I saw about Gay Dating in Los Angeles

[Boaxy]

So I was given this video in my recommendations. And as a Gay Black 33 year old man. Single. I've never had a Boyfriend, and I really want one. This video bothered me so much.

First of all. He doesn't get to the topic/title until halfway through the video. The first half is just him going to the mall and buying clothes. Which that's fine. But title the video "I'm going to the mall, come with me" etc. smh

But when he finally gets to the reason everyone clicked on the damn video I'm just shaking my head.

Because if he's having issues as a White, (he's also Russian/foreign which is a big plus and add points to his stat sheet) conventional looking man. He also seems like he's a model/entertainer as he mentioned the reason he was going to the mall was he wanted to buy clothes for a photoshoot/project he's doing etc. He's also (judging by the video blog) in the Burbank/Pasadena area (which has a big Eastern European prescience as well). Which is a very froo froo, ritsy, well off area in LA.

Like what does that make my chances? Smh lol. Because I struggle dating in LA so much. It's hard.

Then people in the comments say the same old thing "LA is so big, how are you having issues?" And we ask ourselves the same question, because it shouldn't be that hard, but it is.

Then you also had Straight people in the comments missing the point "Well dating in LA is tough for everyone." When that's not the point. Dating being Straight, is still easier than dating being gay.

Which finally going to what he titled the video, "I really wish I was straight." Which I'm starting to agree. I really hate how difficult it is to date being Gay, especially in Los Angeles, and I would like to find someone. LA is my home. I was born here. I for the most part enjoy it here, although there are some things about LA I can gripe at, but still. lol.

I might add more later, I just wanted to say how this video kinda agitated me, and made me even more puzzled but yeah.

 

[UKPianoBoy]

I would be upset too. There is something going on in Los Angeles. There are very few attractive gay men here.

I’m shocked. I went to an industry mixer. Just wanted to vomit. Nothing but old ugly dried up guys. Nobody attractive. Online is worse. They show you your town and not any of the gay hotspots so you are stuck scrolling through the same idiots you wouldn’t even look twice at on the street.

You know where the attractive gay men are. The Midwest. The south. Men who are underappreciated and dripping with sexuality.

My advice. If you can leave, go. There is no reason to be miserable. This town takes the hot guys and keeps them under lock and key away from us. Fine. Then I will search elsewhere. You should too.

You deserve to find a hot guy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be treated with respect and happy.

 

[Boaxy]

I would be upset too. There is something going on in Los Angeles. There are very few attractive gay men here.

I’m shocked. I went to an industry mixer. Just wanted to vomit. Nothing but old ugly dried up guys. Nobody attractive. Online is worse. They show you your town and not any of the gay hotspots so you are stuck scrolling through the same idiots you wouldn’t even look twice at on the street.

You know where the attractive gay men are. The Midwest. The south. Men who are underappreciated and dripping with sexuality.

My advice. If you can leave, go. There is no reason to be miserable. This town takes the hot guys and keeps them under lock and key away from us. Fine. Then I will search elsewhere. You should too.

You deserve to find a hot guy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be treated with respect and happy.

Aww thank you. Unfortunately, I don't have the funds to leave Los Angeles/California right now. I also don't know where I go. I feel Los Angeles is also my home. I was born here. So I'm hard pressed to leave.

But yeah. Dating here really sucks.

The apps suck, so I don't use those anymore.

I used to ask out guys, but I got sick of the rejections, so I stopped. I remember I asked this Mark Ruffalo guy out at the Vermont/Sunset red line station recently, and I got rejected by him, and that sucked. Because I thought he was cute. But yeah. I think he was straight though. But yeah.

I'm scared to ask guys out now, as they are more than likely straight, and they don't give me eye contact, but yeah.

I mean you're from LA, so I'm hoping you understand. I'm in Culver City area right now. I'm a feminine gay Black guy with an afro.

I do want a Boyfriend, and yeah. It's just difficult, and I'm glad you understand.

 

[UKPianoBoy]

Aww thank you. Unfortunately, I don't have the funds to leave Los Angeles/California right now. I also don't know where I go. I feel Los Angeles is also my home. I was born here. So I'm hard pressed to leave.

But yeah. Dating here really sucks.

The apps suck, so I don't use those anymore.

I used to ask out guys, but I got sick of the rejections, so I stopped. I remember I asked this Mark Ruffalo guy out at the Vermont/Sunset red line station recently, and I got rejected by him, and that sucked. Because I thought he was cute. But yeah. I think he was straight though. But yeah.

I'm scared to ask guys out now, as they are more than likely straight, and they don't give me eye contact, but yeah.

I mean you're from LA, so I'm hoping you understand. I'm in Culver City area right now. I'm a feminine gay Black guy with an afro.

I do want a Boyfriend, and yeah. It's just difficult, and I'm glad you understand.

Never give up. Also, Culver City is a great place to be. You won the lottery in locations.

Also, straight guys are not that straight. Not in Los Angeles. Words of advice. Be careful but nobody is straight in Los Angeles.

What you need is a wingman. Hint. Maybe it’s time you stepped up your game and worked on a harder but more satisfying guy.

Every guy is someone’s Fetish and everyone loves to be noticed. If I were in your shoes, I would flip the script on the dating scene.

That’s right. Be bold. Be brave. Find your Yes. Everyone is a spin of the wheel. You never know.

You might not be (For now) clicking with the gay community but you might be a smash hit with the questioning community.

As I said, everyone wants to be noticed.
You’ll figure it out.

 

[Boaxy]

Never give up. Also, Culver City is a great place to be. You won the lottery in locations.

Also, straight guys are not that straight. Not in Los Angeles. Words of advice. Be careful but nobody is straight in Los Angeles.

No they aren't I wish lol.

Culver City sucks long ass story if you want to hear it. I mean it's okay, but I don't really care for Culver City. Again if you want to know the details I'll tell you why.

I'm from San Pedro/Long Beach/Lomita/Carson, if I had my way I'd be in Long Beach honestly but rent is high in Long Beach lol.

 

[bigboaster]

Also, straight guys are not that straight. Not in Los Angeles. Words of advice. Be careful but nobody is straight in Los Angeles.

What you need is a wingman. Hint. Maybe it’s time you stepped up your game and worked on a harder but more satisfying guy.

Terrible, shitty advice. You're not helping with this nonsense. smh

 

[deleted19462351]

Talking about dating like it's a competition and everyone having stats like it's an RPG game it's not gonna help the already existing issues you have regarding dating, and sorry if I sound mean, but finding someone to date it's not gonna help with those and you'll likely make that relationship worse.

Obviously white men have an advantage in that field which I won't deny and it's really sad that we have to live in this kind of world, but bear with me, most age like ass, I have yet to see any near their 30s that isn't starting to look like ass (Spaniards smoke and drink a lot, so there's also that)
As mean as it sounds you need to work on your own issues even before thinking about dating, dating is not a magical solution to your pain and I hate to see how common is for couples to be miserable cause one half has to do all the heavy lifting.

Also stop watching those kinds of vids, they are not helpful.

 

[Boaxy]

Talking about dating like it's a competition and everyone having stats like it's an RPG game it's not gonna help the already existing issues you have regarding dating, and sorry if I sound mean, but finding someone to date it's not gonna help with those and you'll likely make that relationship worse.

Obviously white men have an advantage in that field which I won't deny and it's really sad that we have to live in this kind of world, but bear with me, most age like ass, I have yet to see any near their 30s that isn't starting to look like ass (Spaniards smoke and drink a lot, so there's also that)
As mean as it sounds you need to work on your own issues even before thinking about dating, dating is not a magical solution to your pain and I hate to see how common is for couples to be miserable cause one half has to do all the heavy lifting.

Also stop watching those kinds of vids, they are not helpful.

Maybe I'm attracted to more haggard/rough looking men. Ever think of that? Smh.

And if I had a partner, I'll be a good boy. I just want a Boyfriend. I don't act like this 24.7, I just am 33 and I want a Boyfriend as I refuse to live life single.

Some people refuse to live life without getting a Masters degree. Some people refuse to live life without starting a business. Some people refuse to live life without buying a home. Some people refuse to live life without visiting the Great Wall of China. Some people refuse to live life without skydiving. etc. We all have different life goals, and things we want and

I refuse to live without a fucking Boyfriend. So things like "Oh well love probably isn't going to come for you. Just live life". smh. Yeah I'm sorry. Because if that's the case, why even be here? Because maybe you don't care about love, but whatever you're into, it could be playing poker or something and I can substitute that for "Oh well, You're never gonna be a good poker player." etc. you feel like shit right? So yeah. Smh.

I just want love, and I like how you assume supposing I was lucky enough to find a Boyfriend, I wouldn't love him, understand him, not burden him, compromise etc. You think at 33 years old I don't know how relationships work? I've never had one, yes, but I still know how they work. Smh.

I just want love.

 

[deleted19462351]

You don't want love, you want validation.

 

[Boaxy]

Whatever. Smh.

 

[deleted19462351]

While I might not like your attitude, I'm not gonna insult someone I don't personally know, specially over things that weren't wrong to begin with, nothing wrong with people being themselves.

 

[rockmusl1]

Stop looking for a date. Start hanging out with no agenda and just meeting people. Be your own boyfriend and take him out and do great, interesting things with him. Think about what you find attractive in other men and develop those qualities in yourself.
Trust me, if you build a great, single life for yourself, they’ll come to you.

 

[delvin_vv]

So I was given this video in my recommendations. And as a Gay Black 33 year old man. Single. I've never had a Boyfriend, and I really want one. This video bothered me so much.

First of all. He doesn't get to the topic/title until halfway through the video. The first half is just him going to the mall and buying clothes. Which that's fine. But title the video "I'm going to the mall, come with me" etc. smh

But when he finally gets to the reason everyone clicked on the damn video I'm just shaking my head.

Because if he's having issues as a White, (he's also Russian/foreign which is a big plus and add points to his stat sheet) conventional looking man. He also seems like he's a model/entertainer as he mentioned the reason he was going to the mall was he wanted to buy clothes for a photoshoot/project he's doing etc. He's also (judging by the video blog) in the Burbank/Pasadena area (which has a big Eastern European prescience as well). Which is a very froo froo, ritsy, well off area in LA.

Like what does that make my chances? Smh lol. Because I struggle dating in LA so much. It's hard.

Then people in the comments say the same old thing "LA is so big, how are you having issues?" And we ask ourselves the same question, because it shouldn't be that hard, but it is.

Then you also had Straight people in the comments missing the point "Well dating in LA is tough for everyone." When that's not the point. Dating being Straight, is still easier than dating being gay.

Which finally going to what he titled the video, "I really wish I was straight." Which I'm starting to agree. I really hate how difficult it is to date being Gay, especially in Los Angeles, and I would like to find someone. LA is my home. I was born here. I for the most part enjoy it here, although there are some things about LA I can gripe at, but still. lol.

I might add more later, I just wanted to say how this video kinda agitated me, and made me even more puzzled but yeah.

i know it is hard but it's high time we started decentring men like women are doing now , stop hooking up stop searching for a date , Iive your life

Talking about dating like it's a competition and everyone having stats like it's an RPG game it's not gonna help the already existing issues you have regarding dating, and sorry if I sound mean, but finding someone to date it's not gonna help with those and you'll likely make that relationship worse.

Obviously white men have an advantage in that field which I won't deny and it's really sad that we have to live in this kind of world, but bear with me, most age like ass, I have yet to see any near their 30s that isn't starting to look like ass (Spaniards smoke and drink a lot, so there's also that)
As mean as it sounds you need to work on your own issues even before thinking about dating, dating is not a magical solution to your pain and I hate to see how common is for couples to be miserable cause one half has to do all the heavy lifting.

Also stop watching those kinds of vids, they are not helpful.

ding ding ding clock that tea

 

[delvin_vv]

Maybe I'm attracted to more haggard/rough looking men. Ever think of that? Smh.

And if I had a partner, I'll be a good boy. I just want a Boyfriend. I don't act like this 24.7, I just am 33 and I want a Boyfriend as I refuse to live life single.

Some people refuse to live life without getting a Masters degree. Some people refuse to live life without starting a business. Some people refuse to live life without buying a home. Some people refuse to live life without visiting the Great Wall of China. Some people refuse to live life without skydiving. etc. We all have different life goals, and things we want and

I refuse to live without a fucking Boyfriend. So things like "Oh well love probably isn't going to come for you. Just live life". smh. Yeah I'm sorry. Because if that's the case, why even be here? Because maybe you don't care about love, but whatever you're into, it could be playing poker or something and I can substitute that for "Oh well, You're never gonna be a good poker player." etc. you feel like shit right? So yeah. Smh.

I just want love, and I like how you assume supposing I was lucky enough to find a Boyfriend, I wouldn't love him, understand him, not burden him, compromise etc. You think at 33 years old I don't know how relationships work? I've never had one, yes, but I still know how they work. Smh.

I just want love.

you sound like such a hopeless romantic (not derogatory lol) I'm so sorry you can't find a partner
do you have a strong friend group or at least few best friends? you sure what you're lacking is not companionship but romantic love? !

 

[Enesha]

Whatever. Smh.

I think that's part of the attitude some people here mentioned. Also sounds kinda whiney. You came on but then didn't want to hear what people are saying.

I think that what was being said, is being romantic is not a bad thing at all.
BUT
There are some underlying issues here. Something has kept you from having a boyfriend for all these years. Something internal maybe, but your neediness/desperation here is pretty palpable. I wish you great luck, but I think maybe your journey may start elsewhere..With a therapist perhaps. You need to be ok being alone with yourself, before you can be in a proper relationship with someone else.

You also seem conflicted with what you want. You definitely want a companion, nothing wrong with that. But you want to talk down the city because the "scene" there, or whatever sucks, and everyone is "ugly", but you won't consider moving away because that is home. Well, assuming your observation is true, one or the other has to budge.
You say how expensive where you would like to be is, and by extension how expensive in LA, but can't move from there and spend less, because those other towns are crappy.
And this

"Maybe I'm attracted to more haggard/rough looking men. Ever think of that? Smh.

And if I had a partner, I'll be a good boy. I just want a Boyfriend. I don't act like this 24.7, I just am 33 and I want a Boyfriend as I refuse to live life single."

First line dismissive of others trying to help.
Second line showing you think a relationship will fix all of your problems. If you're unhappy with who you are to yourself, any relationship you try will fail and frankly would be doing the other person a disservice trying and failing to be what that person needs, it would just be cruel and hurtful.

Go listen to stabbing westward, "Save Yourself".

Dating and finding a partner and friends can be hella scary, and if you are 33, perhaps there are self confidence issues, but throwing your hands up in the air and crying foul really doesn't help.

As for the initial video..I don't understand your anger at that person. Sounds almost like jealousy-ish. You're angry that he, as i guess you see him as white priviledged or whatever, while simultaneously bashing him as just average? So he should shut up because (you think) he has more going on and should be able to find someone so you bash him and everything about him. You have troubles, so you think, finding a BF and it's ok to vent about it on here (which certainly is true) but when he uses his platform of choice, he is to be the subject of ridicule for the same emotions you seem to be having.

How is that different than, say, one of us plebs in the world attacking a rich attractive actor for having trouble finding love or getting a divorce. Low self esteem, and perhaps unintentational attacks on people we might atually secretly identify with.

Or about us on another coast thinking you should have a good life. You're in LA, sun, diversity, blah blah blah. But I don't live your reality, nor you - mine. Same for that dude.
I simply can't believe that in LA, you can't find a GLCC or other groups where people just get together to chat and be with other lgbtq+. Look around, they go by all sorts of names. Maybe if you get some support from some like minded friends, you can have a solid base to work out from.

SHaking your fists at the sky and demanding a boyfriend so you can feel whole doesn't move you forward.

 

[Boaxy]

you sound like such a hopeless romantic (not derogatory lol) I'm so sorry you can't find a partner
do you have a strong friend group or at least few best friends? you sure what you're lacking is not companionship but romantic love? !

Damn I forgot I made this post, because I'm really wearing thin with LPSG. I'm surprised the mods haven't deleted this thread like they do with my other rant threads lol. I mean I take y'all's advice, but at the end of the day. You aren't me. You're not a black/POC gay/queer feminine man. I'm in my 30s now, and I feel maybe if you're a fellow Black/brown minority gay man I might (and a very weak might because I've also met other gay Black/POC men who still don't get it smh) listen to your convictions/criticisms but yeah. I just want to dispel all this bullshit of "I don't listen". Because you're right. I won't listen if you're just gonna badger me/misunderstand me, as I've heard it all before, and I'm stupid, but I"m not stupid, and I was raised right, and I know how to conduct myself in public thank you.

Since I last made this post. I did meet a guy recently in the Santa Monica area. He's a boy, and he's a friend. Boyfriend? Ugh. Oh dear. Next question lol. He's cute. My cousin says he looks like Luke Wilson lol, (He is "straight" but oh brother lol) I do have feelings for him, and I met him one night while I was walking to get something to eat, and we chatted a bit, and we've had fun a few times lol. ^_^, But nothing is serious, and I still consider myself very much single.

But although friends are nice. Nothing beats a live in partner, I can lay my head next to each night. Maybe it's just me, but yeah.