Reaction to a guy admitting attraction

[Growing123]

Last week I (who identify as bi) told a straight married male friend that I had experienced some mild sexual feelings for him of late but that I understood it was confined to my very rare jerking off fantasies and would never go further.
He appeared calm about it and appreciated that I confessed to it but I think that he was affronted by my candor also given his facial expression. He has been quiet since we last spoke and hasn't messaged me like he once did. He was always very accepting of same sex attraction dynamics based on his words so I thought that it would not change our friendship.

I think that I shouldn't have opened up. My other straight friend said that this 'bombshell' has to be processed by my friend and suggested that it may have had the effect of turning on my straight friend who is now battling his own reaction to my revelation. Some straight guys appear down with the LGBT scene but once they are the object of lost they distance themselves. Guys should never admit that they fancy straight men even with encouragement; straights don't like gay or bi people.

 

[cofrader]

For me a friend is a brother i choose, obviously no attraction involved.
But if makes moves to something else i would question if he was true friend.
Perhaps making some distance to let him get his though in order.
If I told you the time a snake bitten me there it was just share a funny story not to make an erotic story, i would question if I'm confusing you with something

 

[ronin001]

Based on the OPs posting history, I can only say that he really needs to understand that others are not always going to agree or be flattered by his fantasies.

To understand why this may not be appropriate, lets reverse this and the wife is your friend, who you have professed to being attracted to / and had masturbated to. She could become annoyed or angry. Thus ending the friendship; or tell her husband who may insist she terminate the friendship or follow up with a WTF conversation with you. This is not an LGBT thing, it is just learning to respect boundaries of other people whoever they may be .

I will part with a few free words of wisdom : Rejection is part of life, get use to it.

 

[Rooker]

You told someone tot we’re not romantically involved with you wanked to thoughts of them. That’s more of the issue.

 

[Intellectualmeat]

Last week I (who identify as bi) told a straight married male friend that I had experienced some mild sexual feelings for him of late but that I understood it was confined to my very rare jerking off fantasies and would never go further.
He appeared calm about it and appreciated that I confessed to it but I think that he was affronted by my candor also given his facial expression. He has been quiet since we last spoke and hasn't messaged me like he once did. He was always very accepting of same sex attraction dynamics based on his words so I thought that it would not change our friendship.

I think that I shouldn't have opened up. My other straight friend said that this 'bombshell' has to be processed by my friend and suggested that it may have had the effect of turning on my straight friend who is now battling his own reaction to my revelation. Some straight guys appear down with the LGBT scene but once they are the object of lost they distance themselves. Guys should never admit that they fancy straight men even with encouragement; straights don't like gay or bi people.

What The Fuck?

Okay. So you told a person you’re not sexually involved with IN ANY WAY that you jerk off to them? Now you’re wondering why that person might be avoiding you?

 

[Growing123]

What The Fuck?

Okay. So you told a person you’re not sexually involved with IN ANY WAY that you jerk off to them? Now you’re wondering why that person might be avoiding you?

You make it sound terrible - as if I proclaimed it. We were having a conversation about porn/technology and the topic of jerking off came up. I just said casually that too much of it wasn't healthy but that it was a form of 'safe sex' and then volunteered that I 'may have even tugged to a fantasy involving you'. It was tongue in cheek. Was that so bad when we are close?

 

[Intellectualmeat]

You make it sound terrible - as if I proclaimed it. We were having a conversation about porn/technology and the topic of jerking off came up. I just said casually that too much of it wasn't healthy but that it was a form of 'safe sex' and then volunteered that I 'may have even tugged to a fantasy involving you'. It was tongue in cheek. Was that so bad when we are close?

Yep. That’s weird as hell. If I told a woman I’m just friends with “Yeah I may have tugged to a fantasy of you” that would be creepy. If she were a lesbian that would make it even worse because I am putting her in an awkward position possibly needing to deny a sexual suggestion.

Regardless of how you frame it this is creepy and weird AF.

 

[derf3]

Last week I (who identify as bi) told a straight married male friend that I had experienced some mild sexual feelings for him of late but that I understood it was confined to my very rare jerking off fantasies and would never go further.
He appeared calm about it and appreciated that I confessed to it but I think that he was affronted by my candor also given his facial expression. He has been quiet since we last spoke and hasn't messaged me like he once did. He was always very accepting of same sex attraction dynamics based on his words so I thought that it would not change our friendship.

I think that I shouldn't have opened up. My other straight friend said that this 'bombshell' has to be processed by my friend and suggested that it may have had the effect of turning on my straight friend who is now battling his own reaction to my revelation. Some straight guys appear down with the LGBT scene but once they are the object of lost they distance themselves. Guys should never admit that they fancy straight men even with encouragement; straights don't like gay or bi people.

Question to ask oneself always before doing or saying anything: would you be hurting a person? Even inadvertently?

I mean, if someone is married: confiding something like that could easily be construed as disrespecting their spouse; and then indeed they would take time to process that. Because it is indirect; whether intentionally injurious or not.

So, although you may be trying to get something off your own chest--and, in the big picture: I don't think that is a bad thing (self-analysis is never a bad thing)--you nonetheless have to consider both the logical and emotional consequences imposed upon other people.

I can attest to this much: I myself even have unintentionally offended female friends, just by saying "I love you."

And what does that mean then? I guess, ultimately, it means: I said too much.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Was that so bad when we are close?

Worse, actually. He now gets to replay just about every bit of what he thought was platonic friendship you offered, and try discern what was genuine or if it was all some sort of sick long game.
Ironically how he's reacting to you since your disclosure, is how a lot of straight men wish straight women would behave, as opposed to allowing the toxic "friendzone" dynamic to flourish.
In general regardless of sexuality, it's typically a bad idea to let someone know you've masturbated to their image, unless they're actively trying to fuck you, or you're currently fucking them....which means only straight women can really play fast and loose with it, lol.

 

[Growing123]

Worse, actually.

Oh get lost. Says the guy always bashing women for misandry. I hate your replies - endless bloviating. Do one!!!!

"A sick long game" - no, he's not as histrionic as you. My tongue in cheek comment hasn't changed much and he is now normal again with me.

 

[Seeking Booty]

Last week I (who identify as bi) told a straight married male friend that I had experienced some mild sexual feelings for him of late but that I understood it was confined to my very rare jerking off fantasies and would never go further.
He appeared calm about it and appreciated that I confessed to it but I think that he was affronted by my candor also given his facial expression. He has been quiet since we last spoke and hasn't messaged me like he once did. He was always very accepting of same sex attraction dynamics based on his words so I thought that it would not change our friendship.

I think that I shouldn't have opened up. My other straight friend said that this 'bombshell' has to be processed by my friend and suggested that it may have had the effect of turning on my straight friend who is now battling his own reaction to my revelation. Some straight guys appear down with the LGBT scene but once they are the object of lost they distance themselves. Guys should never admit that they fancy straight men even with encouragement; straights don't like gay or bi people.

Before posting admissions like this, give warnings. I almost fell off of my chair.


Telling A-N-Y-O-N-E that you will have to just settle with jacking off to the thought of them is a SHOCKING revelation. It's really shocking.

 

[notthatguy]

I have had a friend come out to me. I was perfectly fine with it.

Over a period of time he told me that he would like me to fuck him to see what the girls like so much about it.

I said sorry I am not interested. He never mentioned it again. We are still friends.

 

[Brian74]

straight guys appear down with the LGBT scene but once they are the object of lost they distance themselves.

What does ‘being down with’ even mean in this context? I ask because to me it seems a very general, undefined phrase which can be interpreted myriad different ways.


Guys should never admit that they fancy straight men even with encouragement; straights don't like gay or bi people.

Unless you left something out of your original story, he never actually encouraged you to do this, did he? Also, if he is straight and never expressed any desire in men or you, then you crossed a line - as harmless as you may believe your words were.


Lastly, have you tried to empathize with how your reflection made your friend feel?

For me(and I suspect most) if I find a person attractive there’s a certain part of my brain that revisits that fact every single time I see them. I don’t have to act on it nor share with them but my brain reminds me every time like ..””There’s Vicki with the fat ass” or I might think “Damn that top Sabrina has on is tight AF on her nipples” …

Now I assume that most men’s minds work this way, we eye fuck people all day everyday but we know we could never act on it nor do we share. I have a few gay friends and some general gay acquaintances too. We can laugh and kid each other about just about almost anything. A few of my gay friends are cool enough with me even to make jokes.

Like I have this one bud, he and I have worked out together plenty over the years and we found out in the locker room some time ago that I’m average and he’s quite hung. Didn’t change our relationship one bit, in fact one time one time he used it as the basis for a hilarious joke.

I had been dating a female off and on for years( probably more what folks call FWB) anyway one day I called her cell and it was cutoff and she hadn’t texted me the new one - like she had ghosted me. Well that weekend when I got together for beers and whatever with the guys and we are just talking about loose stuff, I mentioned my puzzling situation with that female. Most were puzzled like me, a couple said fuck her, you had fun while it lasted and such. A bit later on my gay friend said to me something to the effect of,, your girl came to my place last week and you know what they say, “Once you go gay you can have it your way”. He also grabbed his ample crotch and raised one of his brows in that cheeky way while saying those last few words. Man I almost fell to the floor laughing. He had managed to quietly cuck me while not ever touching me nor making me some object of his sexual desire and I found it to be hilarious.

I think the lesson here is you might want to rethink telling people who have expressed no desire in you that you have made them the object of your sexual fantasy. The revelation you made to your friend could have had the exact same effect on a gay man or even a woman if they thought you were friends and then you flipped the script on them like you did here. Just me two cents.

I’m glad you got your friend back too.