(Seeking Advice) Going back into dating after 15 years. (m4m)

[Chris40022]

Hello,

I am looking for advice and I'll try to provide as much information as I can & comfortable with:
- I (35 gay male) was in a 100% monogomous relationship with my husband for the past 15 years. (Since 2010).
- I am now single.
- I will not go into details as to why I am single, as I don't think there is any relevance, my husband is a wonderful person and I very much love him. There was no infidelity on either side. We have complete trust in one another.

- Having been out of the dating pool for the past 15 years, I don't know what to do re-entering it. What is it like?
- What should I be careful of? I hear there are a lot of scammers. - Pyramid, crypto, etc.
- Red flags to look for when guys are messaging with bad intentions? - I'm not in a space where I want to be hooking up with people to satisfy a need.

- And if I do become ready to be intimate with someone again, there's been so much medicine that has come out over the past 15 years (that I was in my relationship). What should I speak to my/a doctor about? Any recommendations? (If it helps I'm in Canada/B.C. - with good healthcare)

And if you can think of anything else I should be aware of, please feel free to let me know,. I will happily decide to take that or leave it.

Thank you,

 

[LPSG Simon]

PrEP (daily pill to prevent HIV transmission in the case of exposure) is a great idea if you're planning on being sexually active. Even with 'dating' partners. It's been a game changer from the barrier methods, is incredibly effective, allows you to hold the final line on trust and what goes on with your body (boys lie). Also gets rid of the one-slip-and-you're dead narrative when it comes to sex. It does not prevent other STI's from taking hold, so condoms are still recommended. Ask at your local sex clinic, or your family physician. It can be pricey if you dont have a drug plan, but Canada has generic PrEP, and most provinces have a geared to income fallback. I think it may actually be free in British Columbia.

Regarding people to meet - I feel like a broken record because I always say this, but: Try to meet people over a common interest before using the apps. You'll have a better foundation, and the people who do go out with you will behave better because ...well reputation counts. They'll be more accountable because you share a real social circle. Besides, there's nothing that tops in-person chemistry from first sight, vs long negotiations, pictures, endless messaging, and the all-too-frequent ghosting. If you live in or near anywhere close to a decent sized city and you like a sport, have a geeky hobby, whateverhaveyou - you can bet there is an LGBTQ club for it. Or even a non LGBTQ one, we're everywhere after all.

Good luck!

 

[Chris40022]

Hi Simon,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write your response in such detail.
It looks like really sound advice and I truly do appreciate that.

My husband is/was my first and only love. And I never really slept nor dated around much before him so, I don’t know much and honestly am pretty scared to be on my own again. Mostly being taken advantage of. I do live in the biggest city in BC, so there are lots of resources available as well, thank you for reminding me of that.

PrEP (daily pill to prevent HIV transmission in the case of exposure) is a great idea if you're planning on being sexually active. Even with 'dating' partners. It's been a game changer from the barrier methods, is incredibly effective, allows you to hold the final line on trust and what goes on with your body (boys lie). Also gets rid of the one-slip-and-you're dead narrative when it comes to sex. It does not prevent other STI's from taking hold, so condoms are still recommended. Ask at your local sex clinic, or your family physician. It can be pricey if you dont have a drug plan, but Canada has generic PrEP, and most provinces have a geared to income fallback. I think it may actually be free in British Columbia.

Regarding people to meet - I feel like a broken record because I always say this, but: Try to meet people over a common interest before using the apps. You'll have a better foundation, and the people who do go out with you will behave better because ...well reputation counts. They'll be more accountable because you share a real social circle. Besides, there's nothing that tops in-person chemistry from first sight, vs long negotiations, pictures, endless messaging, and the all-too-frequent ghosting. If you live in or near anywhere close to a decent sized city and you like a sport, have a geeky hobby, whateverhaveyou - you can bet there is an LGBTQ club for it. Or even a non LGBTQ one, we're everywhere after all.

Good luck!