Sexless marriage

bi_dad_40

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 27, 2016
Posts
28
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
23
Location
Staten Island (New York, United States)
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
So the sex life for me and the wife has come to a screeching halt, ive tried talking to her about it, ive tried not pressureing her about it, i constantly tell her how beautiful and sexy she is and how much she turns me on, and nothing works. Sometimes when shes had too much to drink i can get her revved up but thats rare these days. Im pretty sure its a body issue thing as she doesnt feel very secure with herself, So women what can i do?
 
  • Like
Reactions: deleted858776

EllieP

Worshipped Member
Gold
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Posts
9,957
Media
4
Likes
22,260
Points
318
Location
USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
I'm assuming from your handle that both of you are in your 40s. I'm 45, and I cannot envision a time in the near future where sex is not important to me. And I'm also assuming it is quite important to you. Have you conveyed this message to her? I mean really talked to her about it, not just trying to get some?

Has she had any medical issues recently which may have affected her hormone levels? Any family or personal problems that might be distracting her? You say body issues, are you certain of that? I know when I gained a few pounds about 10 years ago I felt like he wasn't interested even though he claimed he was.

Think about what you can do to make her think differently. Change your lifestyle in some small way. I got a gym membership when I got tired of feeling like that. My husband started to take on more of the house chores, which was quite difficult because he was only around half of the time.

Seeing him in the kitchen cooking AND cleaning did a lot for my sex drive! That was a damn sexy site.

First of all, talk to her. Get it out in the open. Don't know how long you've been married, but if sex talk is the third rail then you need a fresh outlook on your relationship.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 950483 and CarlaM

CarlaM

Legendary Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Posts
195
Media
2
Likes
1,418
Points
313
Age
67
Location
Omaha (Nebraska, United States)
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Female
This is such a difficult thing, but you can overcome it. Not long ago I was going through something similar. It was like my husband lost all interest in sex. Now for most of our lives I think it was fair to say that both of us were pretty vanilla sexually. We'd have sex maybe once or twice per week as we aged. Then one day it seemed he just lost all interest in sex. After awhile, I thought maybe he no longer felt attracted to me. I eventually lost interest too then I had kind of an awakening that led me to this site actually and people here were so kind in offering suggestions.

Ms. Ellie is right that it all starts with communication. I understand totally that it is hard to tell your partner that you have needs to fulfill as you don't want to make them feel bad for not meeting those needs or like it is their shortcoming. The key for me was figuring out a way to just kind of say "hey is everything ok?" In kind of a relaxed, "I want you to be happy" way.

Once I was able to communicate with my hubby about it, he confessed the issue wasn't me, but a health problem with him (he was fighting e.d., and silly man didn't want to admit that to anyone). But once we got it treated together our sex life is better than it was in our 30s!!! We are trying stuff I never dreamed of even!

Not to suggest it is a health issue with your wife. That was just what our situation was. I'm sure it could be a number of things, but you can get through it! Good luck!!!
 

LaFemme

Mythical Member
Staff
Moderator
Verified
Gold
Platinum Gold
Joined
Aug 16, 2010
Posts
41,924
Media
2
Likes
39,301
Points
743
Location
Canada
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
Try doing a search on the subject - there's lots of good advice in some former threads.

A sexless marriage is sad thing. I truly believe that sex is the mortar that keeps the bricks of a marriage together. Bricks start to fall apart without it, and then there goes the whole house.

So many seasons a woman loses interest: a dirty house, exhaustion, hormone changes, weight gain, peri menopause, unresolved grief, financial issues. Just about anything.

But yeah, do a search. Some good info given before.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 950483

bi_dad_40

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 27, 2016
Posts
28
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
23
Location
Staten Island (New York, United States)
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
I'm assuming from your handle that both of you are in your 40s. I'm 45, and I cannot envision a time in the near future where sex is not important to me. And I'm also assuming it is quite important to you. Have you conveyed this message to her? I mean really talked to her about it, not just trying to get some?

Has she had any medical issues recently which may have affected her hormone levels? Any family or personal problems that might be distracting her? You say body issues, are you certain of that? I know when I gained a few pounds about 10 years ago I felt like he wasn't interested even though he claimed he was.

Think about what you can do to make her think differently. Change your lifestyle in some small way. I got a gym membership when I got tired of feeling like that. My husband started to take on more of the house chores, which was quite difficult because he was only around half of the time.

Seeing him in the kitchen cooking AND cleaning did a lot for my sex drive! That was a damn sexy site.

First of all, talk to her. Get it out in the open. Don't know how long you've been married, but if sex talk is the third rail then you need a fresh outlook on your relationship.

Thanks for your reply, i have tried discussing things just flat out, asking what i could do to make it better, and she never has an answer and says its not me, we both take care of the house and cooking so its not that, we have been married 7 years and have a 3 year old, and i would say it since the baby was born things have fizzled out, so I'm just assuming she isn't comfortable with her body, but i don't know for sure because she won't talk about it.
 

bi_dad_40

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 27, 2016
Posts
28
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
23
Location
Staten Island (New York, United States)
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
This is such a difficult thing, but you can overcome it. Not long ago I was going through something similar. It was like my husband lost all interest in sex. Now for most of our lives I think it was fair to say that both of us were pretty vanilla sexually. We'd have sex maybe once or twice per week as we aged. Then one day it seemed he just lost all interest in sex. After awhile, I thought maybe he no longer felt attracted to me. I eventually lost interest too then I had kind of an awakening that led me to this site actually and people here were so kind in offering suggestions.

Ms. Ellie is right that it all starts with communication. I understand totally that it is hard to tell your partner that you have needs to fulfill as you don't want to make them feel bad for not meeting those needs or like it is their shortcoming. The key for me was figuring out a way to just kind of say "hey is everything ok?" In kind of a relaxed, "I want you to be happy" way.

Once I was able to communicate with my hubby about it, he confessed the issue wasn't me, but a health problem with him (he was fighting e.d., and silly man didn't want to admit that to anyone). But once we got it treated together our sex life is better than it was in our 30s!!! We are trying stuff I never dreamed of even!

Not to suggest it is a health issue with your wife. That was just what our situation was. I'm sure it could be a number of things, but you can get through it! Good luck!!!


Thank you for your reply...thats my worry that soon I'm just going to say fuck it and loose interest in her too
 

EllieP

Worshipped Member
Gold
Joined
Sep 21, 2009
Posts
9,957
Media
4
Likes
22,260
Points
318
Location
USA
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
Gender
Female
Thanks for your reply, i have tried discussing things just flat out, asking what i could do to make it better, and she never has an answer and says its not me, we both take care of the house and cooking so its not that, we have been married 7 years and have a 3 year old, and i would say it since the baby was born things have fizzled out, so I'm just assuming she isn't comfortable with her body, but i don't know for sure because she won't talk about it.

Baby = hormones. It sounds physiological to me. Does she have regular medical checkups? This is definitely worth discussing with a doctor.
 

bi_dad_40

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 27, 2016
Posts
28
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
23
Location
Staten Island (New York, United States)
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
Baby = hormones. It sounds physiological to me. Does she have regular medical checkups? This is definitely worth discussing with a doctor.

She does but I don't think she does discuss it, i have suggested maybe find some herbal remedy, i will suggest she talks to her dr next time she goes or ask if she is talking to her about it. Thank you
 

LTK

Experimental Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2016
Posts
2
Media
0
Likes
6
Points
13
Location
London Town
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Female
So far everyone is suggesting physical / psychological 'issues' with your wife, but how are you in yourself? Mentally, physically... are you generally a happy, positive person, supportive with the child rearing, appreciative of how her life (your lives together) has changed after having a child, do you take care of yourself physically, do you help around the house / chores, do you ask how her day has been, these all seem like little things but having someone on your side and "there for you" is important, as is whether or not she still finds you physically attractive. I speak only from my own experience and I find nothing more unattractive than a partner who doesn't pitch in with daily life / chores - and take care of their physical appearance - and this for me equals De Nada in the bedroom
 
D

deleted983382

Guest
Thanks for your reply, i have tried discussing things just flat out, asking what i could do to make it better, and she never has an answer and says its not me, we both take care of the house and cooking so its not that, we have been married 7 years and have a 3 year old, and i would say it since the baby was born things have fizzled out, so I'm just assuming she isn't comfortable with her body, but i don't know for sure because she won't talk about it.
it sounds like she's depressed. I go through little bouts of depression, and the children don't help. When my wife is in the mood, i am not and I just want to sleep. This causes a severe sense of awkwardness the following morning. Im not going to try and and be a psychiatrist, but this may be something to look into, so she can get help.
 
  • Like
Reactions: manrick and 950483

bi_dad_40

Sexy Member
Joined
Jul 27, 2016
Posts
28
Media
0
Likes
60
Points
23
Location
Staten Island (New York, United States)
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
it sounds like she's depressed. I go through little bouts of depression, and the children don't help. When my wife is in the mood, i am not and I just want to sleep. This causes a severe sense of awkwardness the following morning. Im not going to try and and be a psychiatrist, but this may be something to look into, so she can get help.
So far everyone is suggesting physical / psychological 'issues' with your wife, but how are you in yourself? Mentally, physically... are you generally a happy, positive person, supportive with the child rearing, appreciative of how her life (your lives together) has changed after having a child, do you take care of yourself physically, do you help around the house / chores, do you ask how her day has been, these all seem like little things but having someone on your side and "there for you" is important, as is whether or not she still finds you physically attractive. I speak only from my own experience and I find nothing more unattractive than a partner who doesn't pitch in with daily life / chores - and take care of their physical appearance - and this for me equals De Nada in the bedroom


yes I do all that ..we both handle all aspects of house and child raising and I do make a point to make her feel good or pretty ..with no luck
 

Eights

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 18, 2014
Posts
1,245
Media
14
Likes
4,583
Points
233
Location
Ottawa (Ontario, Canada)
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
I was in a marriage similar to this. No matter how much I discussed and stated my concerns that sex and intimacy was important, nothing changed. I eventually left.
 

Dollydud

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2017
Posts
222
Media
0
Likes
97
Points
38
Location
California (United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
Try doing a search on the subject - there's lots of good advice in some former threads.

A sexless marriage is sad thing. I truly believe that sex is the mortar that keeps the bricks of a marriage together. Bricks start to fall apart without it, and then there goes the whole house.

So many seasons a woman loses interest: a dirty house, exhaustion, hormone changes, weight gain, peri menopause, unresolved grief, financial issues. Just about anything.

But yeah, do a search. Some good info given before.


A poor husband

A wealth husband with no prenup...

Those guys are stuck for life. Hehe
 

Dollydud

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2017
Posts
222
Media
0
Likes
97
Points
38
Location
California (United States)
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Female
So the sex life for me and the wife has come to a screeching halt, ive tried talking to her about it, ive tried not pressureing her about it, i constantly tell her how beautiful and sexy she is and how much she turns me on, and nothing works. Sometimes when shes had too much to drink i can get her revved up but thats rare these days. Im pretty sure its a body issue thing as she doesnt feel very secure with herself, So women what can i do?
Make more money
 

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,468
Media
154
Likes
65,014
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Make more money

Interesting that you bumped 2 very similar threads back to back that are both over a year old. Just a bit of advice... the older the thread, the less likely the original poster is still seeking answers on the topic.

Anyway, welcome to the site.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 950483 and 693987

Tight_N_Juicy

Mythical Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 14, 2012
Posts
18,468
Media
154
Likes
65,014
Points
508
Location
U.S.A.
Verification
View
Sexuality
Pansexual
Gender
Female
Bumped them to say what gold diggers women are. Curious behaviour for a woman. :rolleyes:

Indeed.. which is why I found it interesting.

I certainly don't get wet over a fat wallet. I get wet for a kinky, respectful, attentive man. Or woman. Ya know, *sincere peeps. Totally sexy.
 
D

deleted924715

Guest
Indeed.. which is why I found it interesting.

I certainly don't get wet over a fat wallet. I get wet for a kinky, respectful, attentive man. Or woman. Ya know, *sincere peeps. Totally sexy.

Yup - some things are priceless. I only ever hear that shit from men who have no money or charm and find it easier to stomach that their lack of money is the problem. Or men with lots of money but no charm who buy their company. Not saying money issues can't cause stress in a relationship... but come on now, I know deliberate provocation when I see it :rolleyes: