Sexless marriage

[Tight_N_Juicy]

It's interesting how so many people can't look at this sort of issue without making it about themselves.

Its not quantum physics...not everyone would say it's "Complicated."
... Or, are you saying it's impossible for you to understand this topic?

What a jackass.

 

[Dollydud]

What a jackass.

My thoughts exactly

 

[deleted924715]

You back tracked like a pro there - I feel like there should be a medal

 

[286798]

So I just thought I'd mention what seems to be the obvious most simple possibility & is if the husband provides Extra support and meets a wife's needs, she'll be more capable of reciprocal actions.

I totally agree with this ^^^ but not at all with vvv

Make more money

I can understand the premise that if he makes ore money, he can easily hire a housekeeper or babysitter or whatever, but that's not always the answer. My "wasband" made triple what my current beau makes. Wasband thought he could do whatever he wanted as long as he paid the bills and bought me diamonds... but outside of food & shelter, he didn't meet any of my needs and he wondered why he didn't get much tail. My beau lives within his means and pays attention to when I need something (help, emotional support, physical needs, etc.). It doesn't hurt that this man can do things with his tongue that I can't even begin to describe... so he gets lots of "sugar" from me.

 

[Dollydud]

I totally agree with this ^^^ but not at all with

I can understand the premise that if he makes ore money, he can easily hire a housekeeper or babysitter or whatever, but that's not always the answer. My "wasband" made triple what my current beau makes. Wasband thought he could do whatever he wanted as long as he paid the bills and bought me diamonds... but outside of food & shelter, he didn't meet any of my needs and he wondered why he didn't get much tail. My beau lives within his means and pays attention to when I need something (help, emotional support, physical needs, etc.). It doesn't hurt that this man can do things with his tongue that I can't even begin to describe... so he gets lots of "sugar" from me.

I totally agree with this ^^^ but not at all with vvv


I can understand the premise that if he makes ore money, he can easily hire a housekeeper or babysitter or whatever, but that's not always the answer. My "wasband" made triple what my current beau makes. Wasband thought he could do whatever he wanted as long as he paid the bills and bought me diamonds... but outside of food & shelter, he didn't meet any of my needs and he wondered why he didn't get much tail. My beau lives within his means and pays attention to when I need something (help, emotional support, physical needs, etc.). It doesn't hurt that this man can do things with his tongue that I can't even begin to describe... so he gets lots of "sugar" from me.

Different premise . But I understand what your saying. If you'd like too, would you mind sharing what needs weren't meant with your ex & how your current partner meets those needs now?

 

[Betty_Cocker]

Different premise . But I understand what your saying. If you'd like too, would you mind sharing what needs weren't meant with your ex & how your current partner meets those needs now?

I thought she explained very well the differences. Husband #1 made lots of money and treated her like shit.
Husband #2 meets her mental, emotional and physical needs. (That's the secret.... not money...)

 

[Dollydud]

I thought she explained very well the differences. Husband #1 made lots of money and treated her like shit.
Husband #2 meets her mental, emotional and physical needs. (That's the secret.... not money...)

Im trying to identity specifically what, "mental, emotional and physical needs" are and what their partners do and say, specifically.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

Im trying to identity specifically what, "mental, emotional and physical needs" are and what their partners do and say, specifically.

I'm not trying to make it all about me, like you claimed earlier... I'm just following the thread and have some thoughts to share.

I would think having a partner who listens when you need to vent is mentally supportive. Someone who let's you cry on their shoulder in times of morning is emotionally supportive. Someone who pays attention to your physical desires and goes out of their way is physically supportive. Just off the top of my head... Of course there are many examples of how a partner could be supportive in ways other than just making money. Those were just there first ones that popped into my mind.

 

[Betty_Cocker]

Im trying to identity specifically what, "mental, emotional and physical needs" are and what their partners do and say, specifically.

Totally understand, but money is not necessarily the bottom line (as you stated earlier "Make more money." )

I think this has been mentioned but possibly overlooked. There are many reasons a woman (or man) who loses interest in sex after years of having good sex.
You have mentioned a few... mostly dealing with the psychology of meeting the needs of a woman.
Other factors could include:
1. There is a physical issue (she needs to get a physical if she is concerned about the lack of sex as well. It could be medical.)
2. It could be an emotional issue. It could be the issue raised by the OP that her self-esteem has been lowered due to her physical changes. (Nothing a man can do or say will change that. Especially money.) Of course he can encourage her by telling her she is still beautiful to him. But if she is dealing with low self-esteem it will take more than buying her diamonds and a pretty dress to solve the problem.
3. It could be that she has too many things on her mind and sex is so far down the list she can't even get there. (Kids, stress/changes at work, Yes, he can help by pitching in. Giving her time off from child-rearing, helping around the house. But this has to be a mind-set change for him if he is not used to doing these things. Just a once or twice "look what I did to give you a break" would only make it worse.
4.She could be cheating. It could be that she just simply doesn't love him anymore. A terrible thought and that is why I placed it last. But. It does happen.

There is no one simple solution to a sexless marriage. Each union is specifically different. These 4 "what if's" are just a few options. And yes, there are some marriages where money would make a difference in whether or not the woman puts out. Man, I'd hate to be that lady.

 

[Dollydud]

Totally understand, but money is not necessarily the bottom line (as you stated earlier "Make more money." )

I think this has been mentioned but possibly overlooked. There are many reasons a woman (or man) who loses interest in sex after years of having good sex.
You have mentioned a few... mostly dealing with the psychology of meeting the needs of a woman.
Other factors could include:
1. There is a physical issue (she needs to get a physical if she is concerned about the lack of sex as well. It could be medical.)
2. It could be an emotional issue. It could be the issue raised by the OP that her self-esteem has been lowered due to her physical changes. (Nothing a man can do or say will change that. Especially money.) Of course he can encourage her by telling her she is still beautiful to him. But if she is dealing with low self-esteem it will take more than buying her diamonds and a pretty dress to solve the problem.
3. It could be that she has too many things on her mind and sex is so far down the list she can't even get there. (Kids, stress/changes at work, Yes, he can help by pitching in. Giving her time off from child-rearing, helping around the house. But this has to be a mind-set change for him if he is not used to doing these things. Just a once or twice "look what I did to give you a break" would only make it worse.
4.She could be cheating. It could be that she just simply doesn't love him anymore. A terrible thought and that is why I placed it last. But. It does happen.

There is no one simple solution to a sexless marriage. Each union is specifically different. These 4 "what if's" are just a few options. And yes, there are some marriages where money would make a difference in whether or not the woman puts out. Man, I'd hate to be that lady.

*see/ read my beginning follow up comments .

 

[Betty_Cocker]

A poor husband

A wealth husband with no prenup...

Those guys are stuck for life. Hehe

Make more money

These are your first two posts. I see nothing here that relates to meeting emotional/mental and physical needs.
You came across really like someone who thought money would solve a sexual problem. Way off base IMO.

 

[Betty_Cocker]

[QUOTE="Dollydud, post: 6719839, member: 1111589
Ockham's Razor, "the simplest explanation is usually the correct one."

You'd be surprised how deep our fundamental instinctive needs are attached too survival. Women need a safe place to raise kids and nurture the family unit. Just knowing they are provided for and given this protection and safe space is essential. For example:Before giving birth women "nest" at home. This maternal instinct is always there. women need to feel it's okay for them to be women. Cards and flowers won't suffice.


Just like men NEED to feel it's okay for them to be men . Which is exactly what we are discussing... the need for SEX is a male/ masculine instinctive. And Just how crucial it is to have needs met and if not it can disrupt a marriage/relationship dynamic .

Not to mention the unpleasant experience one goes through personally when their basic fundamentals needs are not met.
It takes a toll.

I think questioning her libido, & figuring out what turns her on and makes her "wet" is for sure biased and looking at a situation from a male perspective.

I understand it's like when women try to identify the issues but can't because really it's pretty complex. Like you married as a partner and are being treated as such, but essentially marriages / parenting/ & being in a long term relationship with one person takes hard work . Even with identified planned roles and responsibilities. Asking someone not to change for 5,10,20 years is asking A LOT.... it's the foundation and agreed upon stuff that hold it all together. One would think.
And just like you can't expect a males to label security as anything but being a good digger, you can't expect some females to understand the dynamic of what sex means to a man and his innate emotional need that's associated with it.

Anyways ... if you really want to discuss I'm open to ideas and also I'm not saying I'm certain. But I do see a trend and it's : relevant info is biased or omitted . Skimming over or briefly noting work and financial situations and children is also deliberate. So whatever I'll omit the details too and cut to the chase, the only way to salvage the relationships is to change it & make it better.

Sounds like there issues & usually the simplest explanation is the correct one.
Are you meeting her needs and fulfilling your role has a husband?
If so how well.
Start there . If your fulfilling her needs and she's not meeting yours or fulfilling her role/ taking you for granted: therapist asap.[/QUOTE]

My advice, men make more money, let her feel secure and provided for : loved& safe . .
Women will appreciate a man when the dynamic is right, his needs (all of them) will too be met.

We're talking about sexless marriages.. not gold diggers . That's an entirely different subject. Duh

Does your wife work? If so, why?

If not

-Do you work ? How's your financial situation? Do you provide and is she happy with the lifestyle life you've provided?

Perhaps you are referring to this post? still not giving really good helpful information (or maybe you are but you are all over the place with it.)

(THE BOLD) Still appears to me that you are talking about money being the cure-all to being a proper husband. I don't even think the OP implied that there were financial stressors.
And the simplest answer... ISN'T always More Money.

 

[950483]

There are so many problems in life that cannot be solved by simply throwing money at them. Some people just choose to live a very bitter and cynical life.

 

[Dollydud]

You back tracked like a pro there - I feel like there should be a medal

And what feeling would that be...?

 

[950483]

Also, what would be the point of Maslow's hierarchy of needs if you could just scribble it all out and scrawl a dollar sign over it in crayon?

 

[950483]

Totally understand, but money is not necessarily the bottom line (as you stated earlier "Make more money." )

I think this has been mentioned but possibly overlooked. There are many reasons a woman (or man) who loses interest in sex after years of having good sex.
You have mentioned a few... mostly dealing with the psychology of meeting the needs of a woman.
Other factors could include:
1. There is a physical issue (she needs to get a physical if she is concerned about the lack of sex as well. It could be medical.)
2. It could be an emotional issue. It could be the issue raised by the OP that her self-esteem has been lowered due to her physical changes. (Nothing a man can do or say will change that. Especially money.) Of course he can encourage her by telling her she is still beautiful to him. But if she is dealing with low self-esteem it will take more than buying her diamonds and a pretty dress to solve the problem.
3. It could be that she has too many things on her mind and sex is so far down the list she can't even get there. (Kids, stress/changes at work, Yes, he can help by pitching in. Giving her time off from child-rearing, helping around the house. But this has to be a mind-set change for him if he is not used to doing these things. Just a once or twice "look what I did to give you a break" would only make it worse.
4.She could be cheating. It could be that she just simply doesn't love him anymore. A terrible thought and that is why I placed it last. But. It does happen.

There is no one simple solution to a sexless marriage. Each union is specifically different. These 4 "what if's" are just a few options. And yes, there are some marriages where money would make a difference in whether or not the woman puts out. Man, I'd hate to be that lady.

I'd hate to be that lady. I'd feel really bloody sorry for that man too.

 

[Dollydud]

I totally agree with this ^^^ but not at all with vvv


I can understand the premise that if he makes ore money, he can easily hire a housekeeper or babysitter or whatever, but that's not always the answer. My "wasband" made triple what my current beau makes. Wasband thought he could do whatever he wanted as long as he paid the bills and bought me diamonds... but outside of food & shelter, he didn't meet any of my needs and he wondered why he didn't get much tail. My beau lives within his means and pays attention to when I need something (help, emotional support, physical needs, etc.). It doesn't hurt that this man can do things with his tongue that I can't even begin to describe... so he gets lots of "sugar" from me.

Sex is a basic need ... it's there alongside food water shelter oxygen. Chances are you just don't like/love this guy, anymore. instead of telling him exactly what is the problem is and propose a solution and make a clear request, youre simply dodging.

Basically, it's best to not make an assumptions because that's simply lazy or immature entitlement mentality. If you don't clearly define expectations and roles and need (especially to him!)...you're at fault and responsible for the failing relationship. Why, because you've not yet done what they have... they've said they need : food, water, oxygen, shelter, -they gone a step further and specified they also need sex, you've however not yet specified exactly what you need and how they can actively participate in making these things happen.

Now if you've said specifically what his shitty behavior was and clearly identified what you need him to do or not do... and he's refused to do these things for you or work towards a compromise ... then that's his failure and clearly it's not a compatible relationship.

I'm Starting to see why sharing ones own personal experience and opinions is beneficial . If asked, I'd probably discuss my own. But, like I said earlier assumptions and jumping to conclusions can deteriorate the lines of communication and warp ones perspective, it's been said I'm speaking /making comments based on my own personal experiences . Which couldn't be further from the truth. Like I said, it's probably not so much inability that's distorting reality or perception... it's probably just that you don't like me very much and don't care to understand or ask & it's much easier to make a personal assumption and act biased & blame me and my comments for it.

Projecting/ blame shifting to dodge the truth.

I don't mind and still enjoy the discussion. So that's where I'm at. (Personal share) .

 

[Dollydud]

Also, what would be the point of Maslow's hierarchy of needs if you could just scribble it all out and scrawl a dollar sign over it in crayon?

No clue what you mean. Can you clarify what you mean/ are asking ?

 

[950483]

And what feeling would that be...?

She just fucking told you: a feeling that there should be a medal. Don't bother coming out with any more of these '' amature counselling '' phrases if you can't be bothered to do the amateur listening skills.

 

[950483]

No clue what you mean. Can you clarify what you mean/ are asking ?

Is English not your first language? Are you having problems with reading comprehension?