Sexless relationships in long term gay relations

[iamjustme65]

Just wondering... so something pretty much everyone knows, a damning large number of straight older men, who are married, live in a sexless marriage. Depending on where you are, near or over half. Millions of them.
For 50+ gay men... I would guess it is actually uncommon? Due to the obvious - no menopause.

 

[hvdude]

I know there are couples over the age of 50 and some into their 80's who still have sex. There are also those who don't. I'm in the latter category, although I'm gay. As you get older the nature of your relationship changes in various ways and how a person chooses to deal with it affects that relationship. For some, it's a change in their financial status, for others it's a change in life goals, and still for others it's sex. How the people in the couple choose to adapt dictates how the relationship develops or dissolves. My husband and I would probably agree that we are best friends; we love each other, we have similar tastes and ambitions, we have similar interests and I don't think we would ever want to be apart. We just don't have sex, because for us sex just wasn't that important. Sure, at the beginning it was hot and heavy, but over time we lost interest and agreed that if one or the other of us wanted to "see other people", we would end the relationship. We never did. There's something pretty spectacular about going through life with your best friend by your side, who you know will always be there for you no matter what. I'm happy for those people who continue to have sex after decades together. More power to 'em!

 

[iamjustme65]

Thanks - appreciate the response.
I am 58, so I am aware of relationship changes etc.
I am also with my best friend. She is just outstanding for me in so many ways, as she tells me I am for her.
Sex is way-way-way less of a thing for us than it was the first few years (we met when I was 50)
However, 5 years ago she went through menopause and her drive plummeted. I love her not one iota less despite that. And have not one sense of resentment.
But nevertheless that leaves me a little less fulfilled in that arena. I didn't lose my drive any.
My wife is awesome, she makes effort to have sex and sexual play despite her not being as into it as it was, and appreciate it, but still. It is what it is.
Many wives are not so willing, leaving their husbands to themselves.
Just curious if that happens much in gay older, long term relationships as obviously there is no dramatic drops from menopause.

 

[deleted23128231]

I think in this subject it is the same with gay / straight or bi, like everything in life it gets boring after so many years the same partner, there is a saying " no one wants to eat steak everyday " i think the same scenario applies to sexless relationships, it happens because each partner gets bored with fucking the same hole everyday.

 

[deleted23169731]

I think that's quite a simplistic view. I think a lot of it has to do with power dynamics, sex drive, general health, emotions and commitment - so many factors at play really. And it strikes me that whether hetero or gay, many relationships can subside into something more akin to close companionship rather than sexual lover. Love has so many forms. The problem is always if one half of the couple is unhappy with the situation

 

[iamjustme65]

I think that's quite a simplistic view. I think a lot of it has to do with power dynamics, sex drive, general health, emotions and commitment - so many factors at play really. And it strikes me that whether hetero or gay, many relationships can subside into something more akin to close companionship rather than sexual lover. Love has so many forms. The problem is always if one half of the couple is unhappy with the situation

Aye... which is obviously most often going to be a man due to menopause.
One of the factors you speak of is also the strength of the relationship itself. How much love there is still.
A woman who loves her husband after she has went through menopause, will still seek to please him despite her interest has dropped. If the relationship is not that great, basically they are still together more out of habit than anything else - she won't care enough to do this for him.
Now - FFWD 25 years from now?? I pity men who will be in their 50s etc. then. Women today don't think they should have to do anything to please a man. I can only imagine the level of sexless marriages by 2050.
Hell - look how little sex males in their 20s are getting now!!