Suffering in silence?

[Geoffrey2_0]

When my wife and I were first dating 16 years ago, she loved the sex, orgasmed most every time--and yet, every time she would say something was painful--I was going too deep, I was going to fast, I was hitting the wrong spot. She'd only had one other guy before me, and he was considerably smaller so I figured it might just be something about my size that we would have to always contend with (though I would try to minimize it as best as I could) After I gained considerable weight, lost some inches, and my libido, our sex life became minimal for quite some time. In recent years, I have lost 80-90lbs, am getting back my size and we are making love more often than ever. Now, however, she never says that it hurts her. Not that I want it too, but I find it difficult to believe, knowing how it was in the beginning with her, and how it has been with past girlfriends.

The question: Could she be lying, out of love? Sometimes I think I've hurt her at times when I've not watched what I was doing, bottomed out hard, but she says no--and seems to orgasm more often. Is there some way I can tell, or get her to tell?
Or, is it possible that after all these years and 3 kids that her body has changed and the things that used to hurt her wouldn't any more? Do women bodies change like this?
Or, could it be that after years of working to find the best way to bring her pleasure I've just found the right combination so that my size doesn't hurt her any more?

I don't want her to be suffering in silence out of some misguided view of what love should be--any help would be appreciated.

 

[TinyPrincess]

I would trust her - experience, having children, etc will change things. If she was in pain she would hardly increase the amount of sex you're having. I would trust her when she says it's fine.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Three vaginal births? Yes, that will change things.

Plus, those inches came back slowly, right? Adjustment period? And you know each other so well.

I had a vaginal birth. Large dicks still hurt me, but my pelvic size limits my options (angles, etc)
That's not to say I don't enjoy my lover. I just have a plan.

My partner wants to know if something isn't working. We adjust slowly (because my ooh, that hurts would stop everything. That was worse.) I'll shift my hips, grasp the base of his cock to limit depth, or simply say "slow down so I can get used to you, again."
Even changing the shape of my spine helps.

There's also "hurts so good." Something about mild aches or stretching pain hits my buttons, but not the deep banging pain. That's try something else territory.

 

[Geoffrey2_0]

We adjust slowly (because my ooh, that hurts would stop everything.)

That's how it was for us--her "Ow!" would stop everything. During intercourse she is usually very vocal--moans, groans, short words and the like--but those times when I think I might be hurting her (or have hurt her in the past) she now goes silent and I cant tell if its silence from pain or silence from intensity of pleasure. She knows I've had some bit of experience before we met, and I wonder whether she "bites her lip" because she fears I might lose interest in her. But I love her, and love making love to her--she has been able to take me better than all the others in the past (her OB/GYN, during one pre-natal visit, commented that she had a deep vaginal canal). I tell her these things, but I don't know whether she believes me (men are terrible at understanding women--even us with a "bit of experience") Again, thanks for any input . . .

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Ask!
A simple whispered, "still good? Need any changes?" Does wonders.
Maybe having traffic light code would help. Green, yellow/amber, red. Red means it's over. Yellow/amber slow down and pay attention. Green is all good.

When I'm still and quiet, I'm mentally and physically adjusting. (And I need to explain that to the new guy- communication rules!)

The problem with stopping for me was that all the tension slid away, so I was even farther from orgasm. It was frustrating.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I should add, I'm no size queen, but the Universe has a wicked sense of humor, therefore I get a lot of microtears.

Dealing with size gets easier. But it's never easy, if you see what I mean.

 

[Dollydud]

Why not ask the source?

 

[Holly Doors]

I would agree that she's probably changed after three children plus as you say your size returned gradually, the vagina is an amazing thing hunni and with time can adapt to accommodate size that at first is near impossible.

 

[EllieP]

Just trust her. This is not one of those moments when we say "fine." She probably really means it. Of course, a heart to heart should put your mind at ease.

There were times when we would have those "oh wait" moments, but those have become fewer and fewer. He knows our limits as well as I do.

Have fun. Rediscover all over. And trust her.