Not sure if I should put this in gay or bi, but I think I'd rather have a gay man's take on this. This is awkward for me to write, and I am sorry if it's too much or comes across as literature, trolling or a joke (it isn't, I swear). But I need advice.
I have a pretty low sex drive and I've been fine with that. I've had GFs that were similar and it was nice. I've also had a very strong fetish that involves men (sometimes women) since I was young. I know how it started and it wasn't from any sort of attraction to a person but to a particular act. I met up with other guys into the fetish and it was fun even if we didn't vibe. There was a camaraderie as we were in the same "community."
Lately, my sex drive has been insane and I've been quite impulsive which his rare for me. It's hard to find guys into the fetish so I've started hooking up on Grindr and Sniffies, but things are really weird. Last night was my second time and I am in my 30s. They do a little to satisfy the fetish (they're sort of into it), but they always want more. Oh boy. So, I do it. A little rimming bare or through underwear, a little fingering. Lots of touching.
Thing is, I do these things but I feel absolutely no sexual arousal, yet I continue to do it. It's like I am completely dissociated from what I am doing. Like it's a mission to accomplish. I didn't even JO afterward. (Scenes in my head are much better). The meetups are always awkward not knowing how to start and when to end. My most recent one last night was in my truck where there is very little room, I was worried about getting caught, and he kept wanting me to go further. It was upwards of 95 degrees in there and I was hyperventilating between the heat, the act, the raw emotion and the tight space. I just couldn't keep repeating the same act as long as it would have taken for him to get off. I felt like an 80 year old man! He was far from clean (fine), also farted and a little more came out. Fine, we're guys, it's going to happen down there, I kind of like that raunchy guy thing. But I wanted to end it at that point because it was too much, without judgment. I kept trying to end it and eventually I had to be a lot more assertive. I probably should have continued until he came, I don't know. But the smell that was stuck on me given the intensity of what we did. I don't know how to feel about it.
On a side note: It didn't help that the guy described himself as femme (fine) but actually appeared as a complete woman -- they were drop dead gorgeous. Like, a 10/10. But this also made it weird because I couldn't channel man or woman energy into what we were doing. No shade to them, it just didn't help.
In some ways, this has helped me figure out my sexuality more, and makes me feel a little more human, but in other ways I feel very abnormal and awkward like I'll never figure this out.
What is going on here? Am I just physically or "sensually" attracted to men and not sexually? I've always been more into the bromance kinda thing which is hard to find. (Rhetorical question) Am I just straight (doubt it, I think I'm some sort of bi) with a fetish involving men?
I have a pretty low sex drive and I've been fine with that. I've had GFs that were similar and it was nice. I've also had a very strong fetish that involves men (sometimes women) since I was young. I know how it started and it wasn't from any sort of attraction to a person but to a particular act. I met up with other guys into the fetish and it was fun even if we didn't vibe. There was a camaraderie as we were in the same "community."
Lately, my sex drive has been insane and I've been quite impulsive which his rare for me. It's hard to find guys into the fetish so I've started hooking up on Grindr and Sniffies, but things are really weird. Last night was my second time and I am in my 30s. They do a little to satisfy the fetish (they're sort of into it), but they always want more. Oh boy. So, I do it. A little rimming bare or through underwear, a little fingering. Lots of touching.
Thing is, I do these things but I feel absolutely no sexual arousal, yet I continue to do it. It's like I am completely dissociated from what I am doing. Like it's a mission to accomplish. I didn't even JO afterward. (Scenes in my head are much better). The meetups are always awkward not knowing how to start and when to end. My most recent one last night was in my truck where there is very little room, I was worried about getting caught, and he kept wanting me to go further. It was upwards of 95 degrees in there and I was hyperventilating between the heat, the act, the raw emotion and the tight space. I just couldn't keep repeating the same act as long as it would have taken for him to get off. I felt like an 80 year old man! He was far from clean (fine), also farted and a little more came out. Fine, we're guys, it's going to happen down there, I kind of like that raunchy guy thing. But I wanted to end it at that point because it was too much, without judgment. I kept trying to end it and eventually I had to be a lot more assertive. I probably should have continued until he came, I don't know. But the smell that was stuck on me given the intensity of what we did. I don't know how to feel about it.
On a side note: It didn't help that the guy described himself as femme (fine) but actually appeared as a complete woman -- they were drop dead gorgeous. Like, a 10/10. But this also made it weird because I couldn't channel man or woman energy into what we were doing. No shade to them, it just didn't help.
In some ways, this has helped me figure out my sexuality more, and makes me feel a little more human, but in other ways I feel very abnormal and awkward like I'll never figure this out.
What is going on here? Am I just physically or "sensually" attracted to men and not sexually? I've always been more into the bromance kinda thing which is hard to find. (Rhetorical question) Am I just straight (doubt it, I think I'm some sort of bi) with a fetish involving men?
