Total Tops Btming for the First Time?!

[DozerLA]

I am hoping to hear from any of you tops or "total tops" out there who spent most of your life as tops until you btmed for the first time.

How did you feel when you took a big dick up your ass for the first time - pleasure or pain or mixture of the two? Who did it? How large? Did you cum while getting fucked or not? Where you surprised to be hard...or soft?

Curious if the act of being a btm for the first time made you feel, i.e., were you embarrassed and/or "vulnerable" from the feeling (and reality) of taking dick up your hole? Did it blow your mind or freak you out to realize you were able to receive pleasure from your asshole by being pounded by a big cock?

Did you btm for a dick bigger than your own or smaller? And was cock size a major factor in (finally) being willing to get fucked for the first time?

Asking all this since it's my experience that most guys say that are "tops" but they are really "vers" which means they are usually closet btms who can't own up to the fact that they really like getting fucked and all the masculine/feminine issues/judgements that go along wth this.

Or maybe it's as simple as some guys like to fuck and some guys like to get fucked.

 

[unabear09]

glad you're not asking for much

 

[DozerLA]

LOL - well, it can't hurt to ask.

 

[TriJacket]

I couldn't get hard the first time I bottomed. It was weird, as it felt good until I got a little sore, but I just couldn't maintain an erection.

 

[Bbucko]

I am hoping to hear from any of you tops or "total tops" out there who spent most of your life as tops until you btmed for the first time.

How did you feel when you took a big dick up your ass for the first time - pleasure or pain or mixture of the two? Who did it? How large? Did you cum while getting fucked or not? Where you surprised to be hard...or soft?

Curious if the act of being a btm for the first time made you feel, i.e., were you embarrassed and/or "vulnerable" from the feeling (and reality) of taking dick up your hole? Did it blow your mind or freak you out to realize you were able to receive pleasure from your asshole by being pounded by a big cock?

Did you btm for a dick bigger than your own or smaller? And was cock size a major factor in (finally) being willing to get fucked for the first time?

Asking all this since it's my experience that most guys say that are "tops" but they are really "vers" which means they are usually closet btms who can't own up to the fact that they really like getting fucked and all the masculine/feminine issues/judgements that go along wth this.

Or maybe it's as simple as some guys like to fuck and some guys like to get fucked.

I tried my very best to bottom when I first came out in my late teens because that's what I thought gay sex was all about, and all I got was fearsome pain and quite a bit of blood. My first BF was a sociopathic, abusive sadist who assured me that I'd eventually learn to enjoy it. I endured months of nightly sexual assault because my dumb-ass 18-year old self didn't understand the difference between sex and rape.

I never found pleasure in bottoming. Even after breaking up with that BF, I tried intermittently for about another year, and with far more empathetic and gentle tops but it still felt like rape to me. I actually had something of an identity crisis, wondering how I could be gay and dislike bottoming so much. I was very lucky to have a series of older mentor/friends who showed me that being either oral-only or a non-versatile top was really just as gay as anything else. So I made a commitment to myself to not allow any more penetration of my ass and never looked back.

Far from the OP's shallow and snarky opinion of tops, most real total tops do not have any issues about their "feminine" side: they are recognizably gay men and are proud of it. I have never met another actual non-versatile top who wouldn't much prefer to be versatile: we just can't be. It's really that simple.

On a side note, I had an infected anal fissure that required emergency surgery about 2.5 years ago, probably from wiping a little too vigorously. The surgeon, who knew nothing about my history or my sexual practices, remarked that my anus showed scarring from repeated trauma and asked if I knew what might have caused it. I explained that it was either the sexual abuse I endured when I was 18 or the sexual assault six years later that led to my being infected with HIV. He said that due to the extensive areas of scar tissue, it must have been the earlier time, as a single incident, no matter how brutal, could not have resulted in so much damage.

 

[pleasureboy]

@tri I can never stay hard while bottoming. I actually really envy these guys who can jerk themselves off while being fucked. I somehow feel like I'm cheating my partner by not being able to cum while he fucks me. But then again, I can concentrate fully on him that way so I guess its a trade off.

I actually am trying to work into topping my usual partner. It'll be his first time and so far all I've gotten him up to is finger fucking a bit which although he definitely cums from it I can tell still hurts him some.

I guess I'm just gonna go ahead and fuck him sometime, but I am so nervous about hurting him. My first time sucked...it was hot, but it hurt like hell! I want his to be a good experience. BLAH! Why can't I turn off my brain sometimes!?!?

 

[ericbythebay]

I wish I was versatile, but every time I've tried bottoming, it didn't feel good at all. Fortunately, I'm married to a power bottom.

 

[B_patrickmcc]

I have done it twice, and didnt really enjoy it. I didnt get hard either time, and while I did feel some pleasant sensations when my prostate got rubbed, I didnt like the " I feel like Im taking a shit" feeling of it.
Both times the guys were about average length and girth, and their size had nothing to do with me agreeing to do it. Each time they asked nicely ( both were "vers", and I had topped each of them earlier in the evening. Didnt get the "submissive" thing, but then again when I top, I dont feel dominant either.

 

[scruffylookin]

yeah same here, just not into bottoming, or even having my ass played with , I go limp every time