Turning nice wife naughty

[958598]

Hi there,

If you've got in touch with the 'naughtier' side of your personally, was there any specific trigger, event, situation, conversation etc that brought out your naughty explorative side?

Reason I am asking is that I am struggling to get my wife to open up and share her fantasies - I know they are there - but she won't open up. I find this strange as we can talk about EVERYTHING else, we've been together 13+ years and I've made a really strong effort in recent years on communication and just being an awesome partner (Mars v Venus stuff as well as her 'love language' which is touch).

It's like something is holding her back - all of a sudden when anything sexual comes up in conversation she puts up a barrier. Even in the midst of playtime when I can see the dirty thoughts running through her mind she is reluctant to voice them when asked.

Any tips / thoughts / experiences that might help my small male brain comprehend this phenomenon?

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

I recommend the book Exhibitionism for the Shy. I am not one to dirty talk but this book has helped me feel so much more comfortable putting words to my sexy thoughts. It's a great book.

 

[958598]

Thanks TG - will check it out.

Like this review:

"This book is excellent. Unless you're a paragon of sexual boldness, I think you will find it incredibly helpful. Not only will the book stoke your sexual confidence, but I believe heeding its advice will actually make any woman (or possibly man) sexier.

Queen defines exhibitionism as "deliberately presenting yourself in an erotic way for your own enhanced sexual arousal." And it doesn't require any degree of public exposure -- "you can be a sexual show-off even if no one ever sees you." Queen makes the point that sex is adult play. Shyness and insecurity can short-circuit that essential spirit of playfulness. And no matter how shy or sexually reserved you are, part of you is not shy.

This book helps you discover that part. The point of becoming more comfortable with exhibitionism is to help you become more comfortable with who you are and perhaps who you would be if you released the essential playfulness that's coiled inside you.

As Queen explains, "Exhibitionism provides the link between knowing that someone's attracted to me and really feeling desired. When a lover or potential partner responds to me when I'm being exhibitionistic, it feels like I've taken the awareness of their desire right into my body." And this has benefits beyond the act of sex -- it can help us feel "a little less hidden emotionally." It can be truly healing."

 

[Betty_Cocker]

We have used porn and fantasies in our sex life for years. ...

He just kept stepping it up and I kept playing along. ..

 

[sweetlucky12]

Surprisingly, my girlfriends entice me to be naughtier than my husband does. Even though he loves my naughty side, I still feel a little funny or slutty going totally wild with him. I guess because I want him to see me as a good wife/mother that I don't want him to see me as a crazy slut. A lot of my really naughty moments are inspired by being crazy with my girlfriends. For example, a girls night at with some raunchy girl talk discussion leads me to get pretty wild in bed when I get home. Anyway, I can kind of see where she's coming from if opening up to you is difficult.

 

[958598]

Thanks for your comments Betty & Sweet - appreciate the response.

@sweet - noted re the girlfriends. Will ensure plenty of girls nights out and ensure that she KNOWS that I will not judge her regarding the 'slutiness*' (*using the word slut in a positive way) - it's not mutually exclusive from other aspects of her character.

 

[EllieP]

OK, not that I was ever shy, but I can tell you what made me be more "out there" than ever before - my husband's shyness. In real life he is such an introvert, and I'm the complete opposite. Anything he does on stage is an act, and he feels safe behind that mask.

When I'm with him in public I get crazy ideas and want to push him beyond his limits. I know how far to go, too, so I make sure it's never more than he can bear. I would never do anything irreversible.

Mostly it's just flashing him and maybe taunting him under the table, but I get the effect I'm looking for. I think he realized how deep he stepped in it when I went skinny dipping in the hotel pool after hours. He said "I like it, but I'm scared." Perfect!