Usually attracted to men (always have been) and only had experiences with men, but growing more intrigued by the idea of exploring things with a woman

[EasyAJ]

Hi,

Not sure how this would come across, but I figured since there is such a forum, I'd give it a try. I'm a cis gay man (though probably more on the queer side of things) that's only had experiences with men. I could only imagine myself with a man (romantically and sexually), and to be honest, having had a lot of close friends who are girls growing up, saw them more like sisters and not at all romantically or sexually. Also, I was low key traumatized by how mean some of these girls are (I mean, teenagers are pretty mean, generally, but I just so happen to have known some mean ones,) and things revolving body shaming and the like.

In college, I had mini crushes on girls but was too scared to pursue anything. I think people also tend to assume that I'm gay (which is generally correct for the most part,) and I also felt very inexperienced for my age, and got too anxious about experiencing anything. A very pretty girl I had group projects with made out with me at the bar on campus, and she was so soft and nice and her lips were very plump and tasty, she put my hands on her waist and grabbed me by the butt as she kissed me. It gave me shivers down my spine when her hand on my back moved my hips closer to hers. But the bar policy was no making out, and anyone caught will get "ice-pitchered" -- and that experience ended abruptly.

So naturally, I just was going on with my life with men. But sometimes I wonder, if it's a possibility that I'd like to explore. But it kinda sounds a bit problematic to seek out a woman "to try," even if I'm perfectly transparent about my intentions. I also don't know if there are women/girls out there similar in age to me (20's and 30's) that would be interested in that kind of encounter. The thing about being similar in age is mostly about not having too much power dynamics that comes with age? Is that a valid concern? When I imagine the scenario, it starts off being cute and date-y with a nice chat and a bit of flirting. Then maybe a drink at the bar. But that's as far as I can imagine it, since that's as far as I've gone.

Is there a way that this could be explored, ethically? I have a long-term partner and we have an open relationship. I'm not looking for a relationship of any kind with a woman, I just fantasize about exploring the romantic/sexual side with a woman, but given my inexperience and lack of confidence (with women, with men I don't have the same issue,) I haven't thought about it much nor explored it further. I guess what I'm also asking is if there are women who are interested in exploring something with a "gay" guy.

TIA for reading!

 

[SubbySlutForBigDick]

This has been asked similarly before and woman, yes women not girls as u mentioned in ur post, don't really want to be used as an experiment for gay guys to see if they like women too

 

[AllieHeidi]

I guess what I'm also asking is if there are women who are interested in exploring something with a "gay" guy.

Sure. Do you want us to help you look up the average going rate for their services in your area or do you think you can handle that on your own?

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Be 110 up front, use an app. Maybe look around the kink or swinger communities.

 

[EasyAJ]

This has been asked similarly before and woman, yes women not girls as u mentioned in ur post, don't really want to be used as an experiment for gay guys to see if they like women too

That was my primary concern, so I'm glad to hear some input on this. I was literally in the dark before. Thank you!

 

[EasyAJ]

Sure. Do you want us to help you look up the average going rate for their services in your area or do you think you can handle that on your own?

I had not considered that (I don't know what that says about me/ my ontology) but this sounds way obvious -- thanks! I think also a part of me (narcissistic as it might sound) wants to know if women find me attractive. Maybe it's a hang-up from my younger years where girls would immediately "bestie" me because I'm gay, so the label became one I had to live by, without having sufficiently entertained other options. That's a part of the reason for my wish for experimentation. But it's now 2024, and gender expression has gotten less strict and we seem to embrace more inclusive standards of beauty (in limited circles) -- But given that I'm not actively trying to court women, I don't feel the pressing need to find out. Your suggestion is noted.

 

[EasyAJ]

Be 110 up front, use an app. Maybe look around the kink or swinger communities.

Yeah if ever (BIG if, my ADHD ass is already overwhelmed by the many steps it requires I think I'll stick to men for at least this decade, I'm never in doubt that I like them, it's just that like sure, men are so hot, but men (me included) are generally trash in typical and uninteresting ways, but that's my cross to bear) -- it would be totally transparent, only if chats are nice, good vibes, etc.

One thing I realize though is how separate the gay universe is from other universes. Initially I asked the question because I drew a parallel from the gay universe, the trope of gay guys who are open to straight guys experimenting, but based on the responses it doesn't seem to be the case in the straight universe?? But maybe Grindr is just its own world and that gave me a skewed sense of reality??

 

[EllieP]

It might cost you, but I've given this same advice to a similar query before. Try a sex worker. The romantic angle might not play out, but it'll give you some practical experience.

Of course, you'll have to be up front with her, but it's a start.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Yeah if ever (BIG if, my ADHD ass is already overwhelmed by the many steps it requires I think I'll stick to men for at least this decade, I'm never in doubt that I like them, it's just that like sure, men are so hot, but men (me included) are generally trash in typical and uninteresting ways, but that's my cross to bear) -- it would be totally transparent, only if chats are nice, good vibes, etc.

One thing I realize though is how separate the gay universe is from other universes. Initially I asked the question because I drew a parallel from the gay universe, the trope of gay guys who are open to straight guys experimenting, but based on the responses it doesn't seem to be the case in the straight universe?? But maybe Grindr is just its own world and that gave me a skewed sense of reality??

Picture this:
you go and sit in a park with a snack. Suddenly, there’s a pack of wild dogs circling you, eyeing your snack. Barking, growling, threatening attack.

That is every fn day as a woman.

see why our enthusiasm to be a test subject might be reaallly low?

 

[AllieHeidi]

But maybe Grindr is just its own world and that gave me a skewed sense of reality??

Males naturally have a higher risk tolerance and lower sense of self-preservation compared to females. There is a reason most Darwin Award recipients are male.

 

[jln89]

Have a look to see if there are any couples looking for a guy to have a threesome with? Normally there are a few bisexual men in relationships with women, who get their man on man fix through threesomes involving their girls. That would give you the best of both worlds and give you some experience also to put on your resume.

Us women unlike you guys have a biological countdown that is always ticking away in the back of our heads. So by our mid 20s to early 30s we are looking for a partner normally that's serious. That doesn't mean we don't still want fun though. Tagging girls with the label slut etc, has caused this issue where girls don't want to be looked at as just a sex object or shamed for doing the same thing that men do. We don't want to put off future partners for having a lot of experience, but yet we have the same urges men have still, just maybe not as often. Most women don't think about sex the same way as men do. Not all, but most women can't just see sex as just a physical experience. This may be due to the lack of orgasms during sex that we have to endure, so we have to enjoy other things in the process. Imagine gettting so horned up but never orgasming from sex. Lots of us girls would rather have a casual sexual encounter with our sex toys. But ltheee are lots who like me, love skin on skin contact with a man. Nothing beats a strong back and shoulders of a man whilst kissing his neck and going all the way down his back, for me. We do always seem to get the short straw in life with relationships, so a lot if us are guarded with our hearts so we don't get hurt, which can create some negative attitudes towards men. That being said, it's not unheard of that a woman would just want to have a handsome man take them for a night, and show them a good time and have great sex. Just not too good a night otherwise they may get addicted!

 

[Scarletbegonia]

Have a look to see if there are any couples looking for a guy to have a threesome with? Normally there are a few bisexual men in relationships with women, who get their man on man fix through threesomes involving their girls. That would give you the best of both worlds and give you some experience also to put on your resume.

Us women unlike you guys have a biological countdown that is always ticking away in the back of our heads. So by our mid 20s to early 30s we are looking for a partner normally that's serious. That doesn't mean we don't still want fun though. Tagging girls with the label slut etc, has caused this issue where girls don't want to be looked at as just a sex object or shamed for doing the same thing that men do. We don't want to put off future partners for having a lot of experience, but yet we have the same urges men have still, just maybe not as often. Most women don't think about sex the same way as men do. Not all, but most women can't just see sex as just a physical experience. This may be due to the lack of orgasms during sex that we have to endure, so we have to enjoy other things in the process. Imagine gettting so horned up but never orgasming from sex. Lots of us girls would rather have a casual sexual encounter with our sex toys. But ltheee are lots who like me, love skin on skin contact with a man. Nothing beats a strong back and shoulders of a man whilst kissing his neck and going all the way down his back, for me. We do always seem to get the short straw in life with relationships, so a lot if us are guarded with our hearts so we don't get hurt, which can create some negative attitudes towards men. That being said, it's not unheard of that a woman would just want to have a handsome man take them for a night, and show them a good time and have great sex. Just not too good a night otherwise they may get addicted!

Slut: what women get called for acting like men.

 

[EasyAJ]

Have a look to see if there are any couples looking for a guy to have a threesome with? Normally there are a few bisexual men in relationships with women, who get their man on man fix through threesomes involving their girls. That would give you the best of both worlds and give you some experience also to put on your resume.

Us women unlike you guys have a biological countdown that is always ticking away in the back of our heads. So by our mid 20s to early 30s we are looking for a partner normally that's serious. That doesn't mean we don't still want fun though. Tagging girls with the label slut etc, has caused this issue where girls don't want to be looked at as just a sex object or shamed for doing the same thing that men do. We don't want to put off future partners for having a lot of experience, but yet we have the same urges men have still, just maybe not as often. Most women don't think about sex the same way as men do. Not all, but most women can't just see sex as just a physical experience. This may be due to the lack of orgasms during sex that we have to endure, so we have to enjoy other things in the process. Imagine gettting so horned up but never orgasming from sex. Lots of us girls would rather have a casual sexual encounter with our sex toys. But ltheee are lots who like me, love skin on skin contact with a man. Nothing beats a strong back and shoulders of a man whilst kissing his neck and going all the way down his back, for me. We do always seem to get the short straw in life with relationships, so a lot if us are guarded with our hearts so we don't get hurt, which can create some negative attitudes towards men. That being said, it's not unheard of that a woman would just want to have a handsome man take them for a night, and show them a good time and have great sex. Just not too good a night otherwise they may get addicted!

Hi, thank you so much for taking the time to explain it to me with a lot of patience and perspective. I do feel a lot for most of my close friends who are girls, and a part of my hesitance to explore things with girls is also because I don't want to be a part of the problem. That being said, there must be a universe where it doesn't have to be the case, and where both parties can find a bit of fun in that unintended dynamics of experience & total lack of experience. Of course, everything has to be transparent and ethical as possible. Also, given lack of experience, I feel like it's not gonna be great sex from the get go. I do take my instructions and cues very seriously though, so if it ever happens, it'll focus more on how I can please her - I do tune in to horny energies and get turned on from giving pleasure. Just honestly not even gonna entertain the thought for now and enjoy my life as it is.

My life as news:
‘Flirting With Girls Is Just So Scary,’ Says Woman Who Regularly Risks Death Flirting With Men