Visiting an ex-coworker for Holidays

[Jack Hammer]

I'm looking for some advice. I'll be visiting this summer an ex-coworker that I think might be bi-curious.

Some back story: I've a strict rule not to play with coworkers or clients. I met this coworker (let's call him Jared) during a business trip a couple of years ago. We used to talk very often on Zoom and always thought he was pretty cute, but nothing more. When I met him in person, he was way more friendly than expected. We went on a business trip together and had a great time.
I've always felt some tension when we are alone, specially when saying to goodbye to each other at nights, he will normally walk me to my hotel room, and then head to his, but I've always felt like he was trying to say/do something more but didn't wan to over think it so much as we worked together.

Fast forward a couple months, he left the company and we kept chatting, and he suggested i should visit him. I had already planned to visit his city,not for him, but just because i like the city, so I said, fuck it and booked a flight for the summer.

He's married and I've met his wife before, very nice lady, very quite. So know, I'll be visiting them pretty soon. They initially offered for me to stay with them for the entire trip but I respectfully declined as they work from home and I don't want to bother them during working hours, so we agreed I'll stay at a hotel nearby and then their place during the weekend. I sleep naked, so another reason not to stay with them as their spare bed is a sofa-bed in the living room. I know I could possible wear some clothes while sleeping, but european summers can be very brutal if there's no AC.

Anyhow, now that I've booked everything, we are thinking of traveling for the weekend, and i think his wife won't join us. It will be to another city nearby and we will be staying together, maybe sleeping in the same room.

Considering he's very friendly, should I take this as a sign he's looking for more? or just let it go?

 

[BulgeGuySD]

It depends what nationality he is, Italians, Spanish, Some French and some English are very warm and open, America’s aren’t used to those kinds of affections must are just friendly jesters could very easy be misconstrued, if that would be me I would jut let him make the move , and there is the wife, if anything happens between you two, is the risk of loosing the friendship.. not always but must of the times, but any way I wish you well try not to have expectations or push and outcome …

 

[Jack Hammer]

It depends what nationality he is, Italians, Spanish, Some French and some English are very warm and open, America’s aren’t used to those kinds of affections must are just friendly jesters could very easy be misconstrued, if that would be me I would jut let him make the move , and there is the wife, if anything happens between you two, is the risk of loosing the friendship.. not always but must of the times, but any way I wish you well try not to have expectations or push and outcome …

He's German, reason for me to be a bit worry about how friendly he's acting.

 

[BulgeGuySD]

He's German, reason for me to be a bit worry about how friendly he's acting.

oh wow.. well that is a surprise ! now I see why you are very curious about him beside being attracted to him, I would do the same make him made the move, luckily you aren’t coworkers anymore, but consider the wife, there is a movie out there many cake “free Fall” or “the falls” about 2 police academy cadets, is in german, one is musty gay. the other curious at best, is very well done watch it if you can, i watch it on netflix ..

 

[Jack Hammer]

oh wow.. well that is a surprise ! now I see why you are very curious about him beside being attracted to him, I would do the same make him made the move, luckily you aren’t coworkers anymore, but consider the wife, there is a movie out there many cake “free Fall” or “the falls” about 2 police academy cadets, is in german, one is musty gay. the other curious at best, is very well done watch it if you can, i watch it on netflix ..

I'll check it out. He suggested I should visit some German Spas (apparently they are very famous), and then reminded me that they are coed and fabric-free. I said, I don't speak german and it might be a bit hard, he offered to join me on the visit....

 

[Jooyo]

He's German, reason for me to be a bit worry about how friendly he's acting.

You can't draw too many conclusions from the fact that he is friendly. Even here in Germany, there are very different personalities, some are very open, others rather closed. It also depends on the region. If he knows you're gay and he's really curious, he can raise the subject himself. I would wait for signs from him and let him take the first step. And yes, this is normal in German saunas, it doesn't mean much at first.

 

[Jack Hammer]

You can't draw too many conclusions from the fact that he is friendly. Even here in Germany, there are very different personalities, some are very open, others rather closed. It also depends on the region. If he knows you're gay and he's really curious, he can raise the subject himself. I would wait for signs from him and let him take the first step. And yes, this is normal in German saunas, it doesn't mean much at first.

Thanks! always good to hear a local's perspective! I'm inclining more into letting him make a move, I will hate to loose such a nice friend for no reason

 

[BulgeGuySD]

Thanks! always good to hear a local's perspective! I'm inclining more into letting him make a move, I will hate to loose such a nice friend for no reason

great choice . I being there my self , but in my case it turn very badly .. I learn to read signs, and to be patient !

 

[Hyooonie]

He’s married.. with t

I'm looking for some advice. I'll be visiting this summer an ex-coworker that I think might be bi-curious.

Some back story: I've a strict rule not to play with coworkers or clients. I met this coworker (let's call him Jared) during a business trip a couple of years ago. We used to talk very often on Zoom and always thought he was pretty cute, but nothing more. When I met him in person, he was way more friendly than expected. We went on a business trip together and had a great time.
I've always felt some tension when we are alone, specially when saying to goodbye to each other at nights, he will normally walk me to my hotel room, and then head to his, but I've always felt like he was trying to say/do something more but didn't wan to over think it so much as we worked together.

Fast forward a couple months, he left the company and we kept chatting, and he suggested i should visit him. I had already planned to visit his city,not for him, but just because i like the city, so I said, fuck it and booked a flight for the summer.

He's married and I've met his wife before, very nice lady, very quite. So know, I'll be visiting them pretty soon. They initially offered for me to stay with them for the entire trip but I respectfully declined as they work from home and I don't want to bother them during working hours, so we agreed I'll stay at a hotel nearby and then their place during the weekend. I sleep naked, so another reason not to stay with them as their spare bed is a sofa-bed in the living room. I know I could possible wear some clothes while sleeping, but european summers can be very brutal if there's no AC.

Anyhow, now that I've booked everything, we are thinking of traveling for the weekend, and i think his wife won't join us. It will be to another city nearby and we will be staying together, maybe sleeping in the same room.

Considering he's very friendly, should I take this as a sign he's looking for more? or just let it go?

He’s married… and you met his wife.. you never stop to think that maybe that was your hard stop to all of this? Don’t be selfish and act on your wants.. you’ll end up tearing a married couple apart. And if he did it with someone else, at least it won’t be you that’s home wrecking..

 

[Cerjun12]

Is there an update to this! I’m curious where this goes

 

[NakedBuddy]

He’s married.. with t

He’s married… and you met his wife.. you never stop to think that maybe that was your hard stop to all of this? Don’t be selfish and act on your wants.. you’ll end up tearing a married couple apart. And if he did it with someone else, at least it won’t be you that’s home wrecking..

No. The people in the relationship are responsible for that relationship - not a third party. If a tryst with a third party precipitates an event, it’s because a fracture in the relationship already exists. If his friend wants something more than simple friendship, he’s already part way out of the relationship.

 

[Hyooonie]

No. The people in the relationship are responsible for that relationship - not a third party. If a tryst with a third party precipitates an event, it’s because a fracture in the relationship already exists. If his friend wants something more than simple friendship, he’s already part way out of the relationship.

but the other person’s partner is left out in the dark.. how crappy is that? If you’re trying to justify cheating, just say that. You would have to stoop so low to do something like that.

 

[NakedBuddy]

but the other person’s partner is left out in the dark.. how crappy is that? If you’re trying to justify cheating, just say that. You would have to stoop so low to do something like that.

I’m not trying to justify cheating - if I were, I would have said that. If it’s that easy for one person in a relationship to “step out” without the consent of his or her partner, then there are other serious problems in the relationship. In fact, the relationship may have run its course - whether or not the two parties in the relationship know or acknowledge that. And yes, it’s sort of crappy for the person who is “left out in the dark (if, indeed, that’s what is actually happening).” However, it’s that person’s partner who is doing the crappy thing. The third party has no control whatsoever over the quality of the others’ relationship. Furthermore, the third party is likely not to know whether that relationship is closed, open, or otherwise - and, frankly, the inner workings of that relationship are none of the third party’s business. I stand by my prior comments.

 

[Tattedcub22]

This reminds me of a straight coworker I had went to a conference with and was paired to share a room with.

After going out drinking we divulged each other’s darkest secrets and he said he was poly and bi curious. He said his wife was okay and said he’d call her to prove it.

She didn’t answer initially and then replied, “I hope you’re having fun with that boy toy of yours”

We had some pretty intense fun for a few weeks until he got promoted to a different department.

 

[FrankieGuile]

I'm looking for some advice. I'll be visiting this summer an ex-coworker that I think might be bi-curious.

Some back story: I've a strict rule not to play with coworkers or clients. I met this coworker (let's call him Jared) during a business trip a couple of years ago. We used to talk very often on Zoom and always thought he was pretty cute, but nothing more. When I met him in person, he was way more friendly than expected. We went on a business trip together and had a great time.
I've always felt some tension when we are alone, specially when saying to goodbye to each other at nights, he will normally walk me to my hotel room, and then head to his, but I've always felt like he was trying to say/do something more but didn't wan to over think it so much as we worked together.

Fast forward a couple months, he left the company and we kept chatting, and he suggested i should visit him. I had already planned to visit his city,not for him, but just because i like the city, so I said, fuck it and booked a flight for the summer.

He's married and I've met his wife before, very nice lady, very quite. So know, I'll be visiting them pretty soon. They initially offered for me to stay with them for the entire trip but I respectfully declined as they work from home and I don't want to bother them during working hours, so we agreed I'll stay at a hotel nearby and then their place during the weekend. I sleep naked, so another reason not to stay with them as their spare bed is a sofa-bed in the living room. I know I could possible wear some clothes while sleeping, but european summers can be very brutal if there's no AC.

Anyhow, now that I've booked everything, we are thinking of traveling for the weekend, and i think his wife won't join us. It will be to another city nearby and we will be staying together, maybe sleeping in the same room.

Considering he's very friendly, should I take this as a sign he's looking for more? or just let it go?

He's married. You should respect the sanctity of his marriage and respect yourself enough to find someone who is available and not committed to another. Cancel the trip, control your sexual urges or find a different outlet for them, and leave well enough alone. It's not the advice you want to hear, but it's the advice you need to hear and to take.

 

[Jack Hammer]

So, quick update.

The trip already happened and it was fantastic! Had a lot of fun with both of them as they hosted at their place. We spend the weekend together (nothing sexual or even close to that), now we are planning for another visit next year.

On regards to the tension between us, spending the weekend with both totally changed my perspective on him, he's just shy and awkward, but once the ice broke there was no tension whatsoever.