Laser, boys...the solution you are looking for is laser! It used to be prohibitively expensive, but with Groupon - you too can have a clean whistle with NO MORE SHAVING!!
Well, I lied, you do have to shave before you get lasered...that's how it works. But you have no stubble, and after 6 sessions or so, you have almost-to-no hair regrowth! I convinced my husband to do it too - and believe me, I reap the benefits of that more than he does!!
I did it for myself for sanitary reasons - wiping your ass when you have hair there (and I had a moderate amount) is the WORST idea to keep yourself clean. Sex aside, who thought that flimsy tissue rubbing against an abrasive surface was a good idea? I've put my finger through the Charmin and in my own butt more by accident just trying to wipe than thirsty pornstars have fingered themselves for work! After lasering, I am now slick as a dolphin's slit, and can clean better and more easily than than ever before.
P.S., it works great on your sack, too, gentlemen. Nice shiny balls, and not just at Christmas! And for those who are plagued with back hair...this is your call to freedom, and slick, lickable traps and lats!!