What's wrong with dom tops?

[just_myself]

So I came a cross a photo in facebook about something with a dom top. I the comments under it were mostly negative. I was something like that dom tops suck. I'm a dom top and was wondering what's wrong with them (me). From what I've seen there is something like a big lack of tops at all, most of gay men I see are bottoms. Most the gay men I chat with say they want a dom top before even I tell them I'm a top. So back to the photo it was something like a grinder chat and the dom top said he is a dom top and then someone blocked the other (sorry don't use grinder).

 

[dergreg]

I'm not sure I understand the premise of the question, tbh. I don't think there's anything wrong with being a dom top per se, as long as everything is done consensually. I am clear in my profile that I am top only, and I often get messages asking if I am a dom. I tend to be more of a gentle top, but in those cases I clarify that I can be dom, as long as there is no expectation of me being aggressive because those two things are often conflated. One thing is taking charge, telling the other person what to do and even hard fucking, another very different thing is humiliation, name-calling and physical aggression (like spitting on their face, slaps, spanking, etc.). Maybe that's what the guy who blocked thought the other guy meant by 'dom'?

On the flip side, whenever I get messages from bottoms who essentially want to be 'used,' often referring to themselves with very derogatory terms, that is a huge turn off for me. I'm talking stuff like "make me your bitch," "destroy me like a worthless slut," "I'm yours, and you can do whatever you want with me." As I like to put it, submissiveness is hot, lack of dignity isn't. Still, I acknowledge some people find that hot and do get off on that power-dynamic fantasy, so, good for them, just not for me.

On the tops-to-bottoms ratio, I think that's an entirely separate issue and it is true that in many cities there are more bottoms than tops. I've often heard bottoms complaining about it and also of tops 'flipping.' In group meets, many bottoms get greedy and they want to be the only bottom in the room. I have also heard complaints that there are very few vers guys and that we should get rid of the top/bottom dichotomy, which I honestly don't share because that's a very personal choice. So yes, there are often more bottoms than tops, but I don't think that has anything to do with the dom/sub issue, as sub tops and dom bottoms also exist.

 

[FanOfMrMagoo]

I’m a sub top. Being dominant is not my thing and I get excited about that only when we’re both tops and we’re doing oral. Dominating another top when he’s doing the same to me is the only moment I’m dominant and it feels good.

There’s a lot of tops flipping and I have to admit I pretended to be bottom many times to get rid of some bottoms who are obsessed about degrading themselves.

I think now people are blocking dom tops because they think they are not real. Because they’ll say that and once you meet they will flip. Also because they say they are dominant, but those bottoms want masters. The moment you say you’re dominant the conversation must change drastically and you must dominate them from messages to bed.

 

[dergreg]

I’m a sub top. Being dominant is not my thing and I get excited about that only when we’re both tops and we’re doing oral. Dominating another top when he’s doing the same to me is the only moment I’m dominant and it feels good.

There’s a lot of tops flipping and I have to admit I pretended to be bottom many times to get rid of some bottoms who are obsessed about degrading themselves.

I think now people are blocking dom tops because they think they are not real. Because they’ll say that and once you meet they will flip. Also because they say they are dominant, but those bottoms want masters. The moment you say you’re dominant the conversation must change drastically and you must dominate them from messages to bed.

This is so true. I've noticed many subs who text me will kind of give me prompts expecting me to become a master in text form, which I simply don't get. They truly want to be controlled or dominated, as you said, from messages to bed.

 

[HungBtmVegas]

I love and only date/have sex with dom tops.

 

[strongsilent]

I'm a top and the complaints I've heard from bottoms are kinda similar to what women complain about in str8 guys, i.e. selfishness, lack of empathy, etc. (Not about me personally of course I'm a prince LOL). What versatile guys complain about is that tops aren't versatile, as if versatility is the ultimate evolution of all sexuality. Being dominant is kinda defined by knowing what feedback to respond to, and what to ignore.

 

[FanOfMrMagoo]

I'm a top and the complaints I've heard from bottoms are kinda similar to what women complain about in str8 guys, i.e. selfishness, lack of empathy, etc. (Not about me personally of course I'm a prince LOL). What versatile guys complain about is that tops aren't versatile, as if versatility is the ultimate evolution of all sexuality. Being dominant is kinda defined by knowing what feedback to respond to, and what to ignore.

I agree with them. Most of other tops I met are stuck. For them being dominant is sometimes no sucking or no kissing. They never try something new and they don’t listen the bottom. Worse they just do what they like and the bottom ends up frustrated and not satisfied.
I talked once with a bottom who met a dom top who couldn’t even take off his clothes because he’s an alpha, lol.

 

[strongsilent]

You've answered the OP's question then. That last example definitely sounds like a guy not worth bottoming for. But he must be getting enough action keeping his clothes on, so he doesn't GAF.

 

[SemenSummoner]

Because "dom top" doesn't need to be announced. It's just understood. (Yes even online) How you respond/write your bio, says a lot about you. It's like making a guy with money feel like his 5 inches is 10. It's cringe. It's exhausting. And they want to dominate you outside of the bedroom. Best part about growing up is being able to do what I want. Not having somebody else tell me what to do lol

 

[malakos]

I agree with them. Most of other tops I met are stuck. For them being dominant is sometimes no sucking or no kissing. They never try something new and they don’t listen the bottom. Worse they just do what they like and the bottom ends up frustrated and not satisfied.
I talked once with a bottom who met a dom top who couldn’t even take off his clothes because he’s an alpha, lol.

What I really don't get is the inability to refuse what isn't to one's liking. If a guy is a twat who won't kiss or cuddle or even take his clothes off, why not kick him to the curb?

 

[zaratoga]

What I really don't get is the inability to refuse what isn't to one's liking. If a guy is a twat who won't kiss or cuddle or even take his clothes off, why not kick him to the curb?

I think most people have been too horny to do that and then we end up asking "why that fuck did we do/ accept that?"
I have fucked that kind of "alphas" who won't kiss/cuddle/etc... and I accept it's just a one time thing.

 

[malakos]

I think most people have been too horny to do that and then we end up asking "why that fuck did we do/ accept that?"
I have fucked that kind of "alphas" who won't kiss/cuddle/etc... and I accept it's just a one time thing.

Hmm. I don't bother meeting those sorts in the first place. I can just jerk off instead of hooking up with a guy I know will likely be rather disappointing.

 

[Brodie888]

I am a sub bottom, so it's no surprise that I see nothing wrong with dom tops.

Having said that, some guys who use the label are actually just narcissists. Arrogant, selfish, opinionated, impatient, vain etc.

So I can understand why people get the wrong impression of what a dom top is.

 

[ILoveGames48]

I never looked at things as a power top or power bottom.. when I began sex I was mainly a bottom and if I was getting fucked I’d say either easy.. or let him do it at his pace ..