When Is It Ok For A Neighbor To Ask..

[cockwitch]

Hi Ladies, long time listener first time caller, I've got a quick question. I live in one of those houses thats been converted to apartments. The walls are thin plaster and the floors are as old as the paint covering the transoms over the doorways. With all that it's pretty common for me to have noisy neighbors and I'm fine with that. But my current neighbors (a straight couple) fight a lot. Enough so that I'm inclined to pay attention. It goes like this:

*heard in the tune of the adults in Peanuts*
He comes home and STOMPS throughout the apartment. He starts answering the questions about his day in a notably aggrieved tone.
*silence for a few hours* **but he's still stomping everywhere
I hear them casually chatting. They both always have this sharp tone to the way they talk to each other. Sort of like they've been together for a long time. It always grows into a fight where they take turns giving angry speeches and as they get louder I can hear her key points of "..yoU LIED!.." and "..yes i DO.." with him always coming back with "Y E A H RIGHT" and "O K W H A TEVER!" while STOMPING in a figured 8 through the apartment.
Sometimes objects are thrown across the room. Sometimes it sounds like he throws her. Sometimes it's downright terrifying. But the fight always ends with him yelling the loudest until she's silent. He stomps to another room grabs something and stomps back. I hear furniture being moved out of the way. Throughout all this he says stuff here and there and the more he talks the tone of his voice is changing from that snide aggression of fighting to that of a BDSM Master. I'd recognize it anywhere. And the rest, for the next 1-2 hours, is sounds of what you'd expect. spanks, heavy vibrators etc.

I'd go into detail but I don't want to muddle my point. I have a serious question. When is it OK for a neighbor to ask if you're boyfriend is beating you or if you're in a consensual master/slave relationship. Because the build up to your bondage session is heart breaking..

 

[1277255]

Domininant/submissive*
Being a slave within a relationship is quite different, and she very likely would not have the choice to speak, let alone argue.

I'm not sure when that's really going to a comfortable topic to bring up, but if you are concerned, you can simply ask her. A lot of people with a fetish lifestyle may not want to be completely open to a stranger. Or, next fight where you hear screaming and /or hitting, call the cops.

Honestly though, I highly doubt it's a BDSM thing, and if it is, it's possibly being used to veil abuse within the relationship. Screaming and fighting shouldn't lead to a fetish sequence. I (as a Mistress) wouldn't argue like hell with my husband/sub and then demand he go into the bedroom so I can beat and fuck him. That's toxic as hell.

And to be clear, there is really not much difference in tone of demand from a potential abuser, and that of a Master. No, I'm not calling D types abusers. It's all just demand one way or another. Only she can say if it's consensual or being simply ordered of her.

 

[cockwitch]

Thank you, thats what I’d feared. Where I live calling the cops could potentially create a completely new set of problems for the whole neighborhood. I’ve always thought of myself as someone brave enough to stand up to abuser like that but every time it happens I’m completely frozen. She never leaves the apartment. In the past six months I’ve only ever seen her twice. I’ve seen the boyfriend only once and he’s at least a foot taller than me.

The whole thing doesn't sound proper at all but it always evolves to a point where both of them are moaning.. there’s even times that it sounds like he’s leashed her and walks her through the apartment. When that happens the noises she makes almost sound happy. Its such a whirlwind of situations and I’m really only grasping like 10% of whats actually happening up there.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

I’m curious, if these were a gay or lesbian couple, would you be struggling with “Is it abuse?”

and how are you hearing “leashed walking” seriously?


If I was 80 percent or more sure it’s consensual, I’d talk to whichever one I see and point how how freaking loud they are.
Then I would sort of joke about how it sounds like beatings going on, and at some point police might get involved.

 

[cockwitch]

I’m curious, if these were a gay or lesbian couple, would you be struggling with “Is it abuse?”

and how are you hearing “leashed walking” seriously?


If I was 80 percent or more sure it’s consensual, I’d talk to whichever one I see and point how how freaking loud they are.
Then I would sort of joke about how it sounds like beatings going on, and at some point police might get involved.

in my original post I mentioned sometimes its downright terrifying. I didn’t want to go into a lot of detail because honestly I was afraid of triggering or offending someone. but believe me, I know exactly what it sounds like when a human is walking on all fours and pretending to be an animal.

 

[Scarletbegonia]

So you hear crawling?

 

[MickeyLee]

You don't have to call the cops. Call a local domestic abuse support line. The folks manning the phone can give you advice to protect your neighbor and keep you out of it.

Calling the cops, unless there is imminent threat, is considered a potential for negative escalation. If anyone comes out the person will have a history mental health support.

Next time see her you might try getting her the hotline info.

BDSM and an abusive relationship can exist together. The aggression and hostility could well be form of coercion.

 

[Tight_N_Juicy]

You don't have to call the cops. Call a local domestic abuse support line. The folks manning the phone can give you advice to protect your neighbor and keep you out of it.

Calling the cops, unless there is imminent threat, is considered a potential for negative escalation. If anyone comes out the person will have a history mental health support.

Next time see her you might try getting her the hotline info.

BDSM and an abusive relationship can exist together. The aggression and hostility could well be form of coercion.

This is what I was going to say, basically.

 

[nailz]

I've never seen anyone actually switch back and forth from having a real argument to dom/sub roleplay That's not at all what it's about
Despite a lot of it seeming non-consensual and degrading, BDSM revolves around consent and respect.
Unfortunately some men are attracted BDSM specifically because they enjoy hurting and degrading women.

I don't think there's any perfect solution because anything I can think of is either making assumptions or overstepping boundaries in some way.
Maybe next time you see her you could ask her if she's OK, mention that you hear a lot of banging and scuffling from their apartment and you and other neighbours are worried about her, and that if she ever needs help she can knock on your door.
That's also making assumptions and overstepping boundaries.. but if it's non-consensual it gives her a ray of support and a potential escape route, and if it is consensual it will make them aware that other people in the building can hear every little thing they do, so they may start being a little more discreet.

You don't have to call the cops. Call a local domestic abuse support line. The folks manning the phone can give you advice to protect your neighbor and keep you out of it.

I don't know anything about domestic abuse hotlines because fortunately I've never had to call one, but I wonder how they would handle something like this?
I've gone to the beach with whip marks on my body (sometimes inadvertently, once because I just DGAF) and had people approach me and tell me "I don't have to let him abuse me like that".
People who aren't into BDSM have a really hard time understanding why someone would enjoy something like that.. and I'm wondering if the ones answering the phones at a domestic abuse hotline are even open to the possibility that it's consensual or just automatically start reading answers on a pre-printed call sheet..