When you say nothing's wrong, but something's CLEARLY wrong, what should we do?

[RigidDreamer]

When you say nothing's wrong, but something's clearly wrong, what the hell are we supposed to do?

Should we take you at your (evasive) word and leave you alone?

Should we call out your lie and press the issue?

Should we just be extra nice to you until your mood improves or you're ready to talk about it?

How should guys handle this confusing situation?

 

[AlteredEgo]

A hundred women might give a huundred different answers. Here's mine: I can't actually hide my feelings, so I don't try. If I say nothing's wrong, believe me.

 

[LaFemme]

I'm with AE on this one. I'm not a game player and do not expect anyone to read my mind. If I say nothing's wrong - I mean it.

Unfortunately, I do know lots of women who do say it and don't mean it, and want you to figure it out. Doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman asking the question, they want you to review every interaction you've had with them over the past decade and come up with the answer. I don't have time for people like that. I guess if you're married/involved with someone and have no choice, you have to probe gently and with some tenderness, but honestly? I'd find a more mature person to be involved with.

Edit: Just noticed you're 22. Good luck. The girls will grow up! :biggrin:

 

[Patchos]

You're missing something extremely obvious. Use the thing that sits on top of your shoulders to have a really big think about what that might be.

 

[SprinkleMe69]

If I say nothing's wrong...kindly leave me the fuck alone.

 

[Pandora77]

I do say nothing's wrong when something IS wrong, but not for the reason some gave in this thread. I don't want you to figure out what is wrong, I say nothing is wrong cause I am so goddamn pissed that moment that I really don't want to talk about it. And I also rather say nothing's wrong, before I explode and say things that I'd regret later. Silence is gold, at least for me, at least sometimes.
So yeah, for me: Leave me alone when I am obviously pissed and wait till I have calmed down. Usually I make the first step and try to explain what happened.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I don't say that myself, unless it's true. Generally if I don't want to talk about something, I'll just say that I don't want to talk about it right now.

 

[D_Kitten_Kaboodle]

Just my opinion... but, if a girl tells you nothing is wrong, but her behavior indicates otherwise:

1. Best just to walk away and give her space (SprinkleMe covered that precisely)

2. Can't say it better than Patch.... You don't need to ASK her if it is something you did or said... you probably already know.

3. In a day or so she will either forget about it or let you know ~ either way ... It's her call and by pressing the issue all you do is irritate.

I've been there and done that in my younger days... but as I got older I realized that talking about things sure helps a lot more than letting them stew within me~

FP

 

[B_subgirrl]

Most of the time I deal with my crankys in normal, sensible, adult ways but I HAVE been known to say 'Nothings wrong' when there really IS something wrong. It kinda falls into two categories though:

Category 1

You say: What's wrong?

I say: Oh, don't worry, it's nothing.

Tone of voice: Pretend happy.

It means: I AM upset or mad about something but it's something small and I know my crankiness is totally silly and uncalled for. I don't want to drag you into my crankys when I shouldn't even BE cranky at you!

What you should do: Just keep acting totally normally and I'll convince myself I'm being silly and get over it by myself before long. I promise I won't take it out on you in the meantime.


Category 2

You say: What's wrong?

I say: Nothing.

Tone of voice: So furious you can hear the growling and see steam coming out of my ears.

It means: I'm fucking furious about something. I'm doubly mad because the person who loves me, who is supposed to know me better than anyone else does (except my mum :tongue, has suddenly hurt me and he doesn't even know what he did wrong. If he understands me, he should understand what he did and why it hurts. Basically, I'm doubly hurt because him not knowing = him not understanding me as well as I thought he did = him not caring about me as much as I thought he did (well, that's the way my cranky-brain is seeing it anyway).

What you should do: It's very, very rare for something to push me over to this point (has only happened a few times in my life), and it's not easily fixed. The best way to manage me is to go away and figure out what it was that upset me in the first place. If you can do that, it'll take away half the crankiness coz I'll be reassured that you DO understand me and you DO care. Once you've figured it out, come back and say 'I think you're upset because of XYZ'. Then go from there. I don't necessarily need an apology (although an apology is nice if it was an accident and you really are sorry). I DO need you to understand WHY I'm mad and at least attempt to understand where I'm coming from. I'll try to understand where you are coming from too. And I'll probably end up apologising for being so unmanageable! I'll mean it too :tongue:.

 

[EllieP]

If you have to ask then it's probably not you. If it was you then you would certainly know!

If I say nothing then it means I'm angry with something that I need to take care of in my own time and your asking is just distracting me and I don't need to deal with you right now. So stay out of the way.

But in the off chance that it is you, and I'm not telling you it's you, then flowers, chocolate and an apology in the form of a weekend getaway is the most appropriate response.

 

[HiddenLacey]

When I say nothing, it means one of two things,

Nothing is wrong, I just feel like being quiet.

Something is on my mind and I don't want to talk about it. If I do I'll share when I'm ready.... but it's Nothing, because I don't feel like talking about it.

Personally, I don't like to talk about everything.

 

[LaFemme]

So....looking at all the various responses - best you ask each woman you come in contact with for specific instructions as to how to deal with her "what's wrong?" answer.

 

[B_subgirrl]

So....looking at all the various responses - best you ask each woman you come in contact with for specific instructions as to how to deal with her "what's wrong?" answer.

^ Best advice yet :tongue:.

I think I'll be sending my 'what's wrong?' answer to Sir. He may find it useful!