Why Are Straight Men So Scared To Show Affection To Their Buddies Or Do Anything That May Look Gay?

[JayPR]

For most straight American men, it seems kinda gay to hug a dude. It seems like the only heterosexual way to show affection between men is in an aggressive way. Besides sports, any kind of body contact between guys is suspicious and could lead to questioning their sexuality. Is any kind of physical contact between men interpreted as sexual or homoerotic?

I was reading on another post that a guy scratched another friend's back because he couldn't reach it and then felt to ask him to don't say anything as if they engaged in some kind of sexual thing. For reasons that don’t make sense, straight guys seem to worry that their hand on their buddy’s back might lead to sex.

Why do you think straight men in America don’t feel comfortable touching other men? How do you feel about that? If you feel uncomfortable touching another guy or showing affection to your buddies, why is it so?

* The reason I specified American straight men is that I know that in other cultures things are different.

 

[cofrader]

I’m not American but since the title includes me and you are asking Rohan will answer.
I'm not scared to show affection if thats the word but I do according the aceptable on the country or country background of the person.
Over here we kiss on the cheek man and woman but nider is considered affection it’s just the way we say hi. I will shake hands on other cultures.
Hugs are great and I don’t get enough excuses to share with men and women but as kisses on the cheek doesn’t mean anything romantic.
Now as for the homoerotic it’s something that is in your point of view and interpretation I don’t now what can find erotic a third person observer and frankly I don’t care.

If by the hand on the back refer to the gay masage offer post note that the poster included a “this can happen” including a pic of a dick grabbed that was deleted afterwards. As a woman won’t offer any chance to a person who is clearly salivating on her I won’t over a person I see can’t control himself.
I did massages to men and women and never lead to sex, I’m not professional but I’m good at it.

 

[palakaorion]

I'm clearly the wrong person to ask. I hug my buddy in the stands at an NHL hockey game. We make jokes rife with innuendo.

We're both secure and know the other would show up on a moment's notice with a shovel and a tarp if requested. And we give zero fucks if anyone watching or eavesdropping is uncomfortable.

 

[1345864]

I think it's because homophobia is so entrenched in our culture that people fear the opprobrium that potentially could result from being suspected as gay.

I think we are beginning to see this die out, however. Which is for the better.

 

[Jjz1109]

I'm clearly the wrong person to ask. I hug my buddy in the stands at an NHL hockey game. We make jokes rife with innuendo.

We're both secure and know the other would show up on a moment's notice with a shovel and a tarp if requested. And we give zero fucks if anyone watching or eavesdropping is uncomfortable.

Kudos to you buddy. And congrats on your close friendship.

 

[batnballs67]

I won't refute any ideas shared so far. I think another factor is that we just don't see anyone else doing it. Our dads and teachers, and coaches didn't role model that behavior, so we are reluctant to break the norms set for us. When people you look up to do something, you will be more likely to do the same.

 

[twoton]

I think of you go back 80 or 100 years it was less of an issue. If you go back 30 or 40 years, it was a huge issue. It’s becoming less of an issue again as time goes on.

I’m not a physically affectionate person, by nature. Even among friends, male and female, who hugged to say hello or goodbye, I didn’t.

I agree that a huge deterrent is how observers would react.

 

[Thikn2velvet1]

My buddies and I always hug, but these are guys I have known for ages. A couple guys are gay, it is no big deal. More recent acquaintances? No.

 

[Bourbon34f]

I have no problems whatsoever in givin my gay/bi/whatever bro’s a hug or a pat on the back(side)...
Just cuz another dude swings a different way than me doesn’t preclude him from bein’ a bro...

 

[spaj8987]

I think you answered your own question. And that's because being considered gay or even bi/being suspected of being gay or bi is still a no no in america. To a certain extent i can understand the confusion. Being considered or suspected of being gay or bi in america has since almost the beginning of america been seen as a very bad thing. And strange enough it's attached to sexism. Men good, women bad. In sex men are in control and women are not. That's how we americans have looked at all of those topics for a very very long time now. It's not in any way shape or form true but yeah.

Anyway, a guy being affectionate toward another guy is seen as them being feminine. Femininity is seen as a negative in most respects by most people. So most people automatically shy away from doing it because they both don't want to be seen as less than and because they don't want to differ from what's considered the norm.

Even that's not true though. Men in america do so affection to each other. It's just more hidden than when women so affection toward each other. Yeah thousands of years of psychological re-enforcement will get you that.

 

[Gj816]

I am an American and not in the least bit afraid to show affection to another bro/ friend. I don't really care what John Q. Public thinks.

Besides you never know, that could be the last time you see them. I will give a hug and tell them I love them. If somebody doesn't like it that's their problem not mine.

 

[Sagittarius84]

I don't think men inherently or collectively abhor physical contact and affection with each other, nor do I think they automatically consider it homosexual in nature..pre adolescent young boys are usually quite affectionate to one another with no issue...but adolescence and young adulthood most often teaches such things are not attractive to the opposite sex; appreciated possibly on a platonic level, but not generally shown as an attractive trait or set of behaviors until after a relationship has already been established or until later in life, when stoiscm and emotional intimacy reserved for female counterparts only, isn't as attractive to women as it was in their younger yrs.

 

[rbi99]

I could give a rat's ass to what others might think of me if I show a little affection to a male friend. No I won't be kissing him on his lips, but hugs, back slaps, or what have you are perfectly ok with me. I am not gay, do not secretly wish I were, don't feel the least bit like experimenting, etc., but if something I do with a male friend makes a stranger think I am gay - fuck him - if he thinks being gay is a bad thing. I'm pretty cool with just about anyone as long as they are good people.

 

[deeperthanyou]

I dont care i hug my friends show effection when i feel it. Mind you thats a small circle cause most people are garbage failures but that has nothing to do with looking gay

 

[josh20hung]

Me and my friends are almost overly affectionate with each other. It's nothing serious, and none of us are uncomfortable with doing it public. I've stood behind friends and wrapped my arms around them and rubbed their chests. We hug, hold hands, say we love each other and compliment how good the other looks that day. Never had anything sexual happen, just a lot of flirty comments and touching. Of course I do have some friends that this stuff would never happen.

 

[thickcockjames]

Some people are comfortable in their sexuality and some aren't. It's really that simple. I'm not going to tell you that the fear isn't real, I mean there is homophobia almost anywhere you go, and that can get instilled in males at even a young age.

I think when a man isn't comfortable in his sexuality, or believes that toxic masculinity is the only way to be assured that he is not gay, its usually for one of a few reasons. Simply, being scare of being gay, because he doesn't know himself that well and has never taken the time to be introspective enough to understand who he actually is. The idea of who he should be, often instilled by the people he was around growing up, might not align with who he actually is. That can be scary when it comes to any topic, not just sexuality.

And sadly, there is still homophobia in the world where gay men will just get the shit beaten out of them for being gay. A hug of a friend, or joking "flirty" behavior can be enough to make these assholes want to beat someone up.

I think, in the end, the main reason is just someone not knowing who they are, and now being comfortable with who they are for one reason or another. I hug my friends, I show platonic affection toward my friends because it makes people feel good to give and receive affection.