Why do broke men think they can date beautiful women?

[Chiballana]

This has been bothering me for a while, I feel like many men think that being smooth talkers will get the foot in the door with beautiful women even if they don't have much in the way of physical attractiveness or wealth. As an example, I briefly dated a guy I met at a nightclub, he wasn't handsome or well built but he was fun, Made me laugh and feel good and paid for everything all night.
Keep in mind I had rejected many other men (ergo other prospects) that night precisely because of him. I didn't care that he had a kid he had to fly for every month to see but obviously I expected some semblance of economic stability. Turns out that as a 42 year old man he still lived with his mom, didn't have a car and didn't take me out to the city's best restaurants as I'm used to.

Now Let's be real, I am thin, young and beautiful (0.7 waist to hip ratio) so what ever made him think he could bag me? My ex boyfriend was rich and very good looking so I know I can get that kind of man, but why was he so delusional? Full disclosure, he Is a great guy, kind and thoughtful but I don't see much ambition in him and he clearly wouldn't be able to provide for us both in the way I expect. He didn't have the necessary hotness for me to overlook the lack of wealth, so what did he bring to the table other than a good personality? Did he really expect an attractive woman to choose him solely based on that?

 

[ronin001]

Straight male, from New York chiming in.

I have always had my own apartment in the city or a home of my own thankfully. Nice car / nice cars thankfully, I work very hard for these things. 90% of the women I meet // when I was not in a relationship had equal professional financial status as I did. Usually the women I met had more, as they handled their finances better.

Long story short, I learned to spot someone who was high maintenance and shy away from them. The what have you done for me lately type. The we make the same money; but lets spend yours all weekend lady.

I am not a fan of J-Lo; but I love this song

 

[derf3]

This has been bothering me for a while...

Not that there aren't dudes that wouldn't reduce other people to mere statistics, of course; literally every where they look, but...

If anyone is interested in a sincere, quality relationship, in real life (i.e., with someone who actually gives a damn about them), then I wouldn't advise navigating life that way.

It's just too business-transaction-ie. Lawyer-ish, for lack of a better phrase.

One thing I have noticed: when you love someone--i.e., really, truly love them--they become your type.

It's like: you weren't looking for them, had not interest--maybe even thought they were ugly, or odd-looking--but then they end up changing you unexpectedly, somehow.

It happens. And indeed: then you begin to find their qualities and quirks endearing.

Anyhow, to answer your question...

1) Not everyone thinks the way you do; right or wrongly.

2) If you were in the same situation: wouldn't you hope for the best? I mean: even if things were painful (as life often is), or hopeless-seeming: wouldn't you endeavor to make progress? Incrementally.

3) Ultimately, what's more important than a personality?

People really don't consider their own mortality enough. We are all going to die, someday. And life is a zero-sum game. You enter naked. And you exit naked. And beauty fades. It is all inevitable.

Anyhow, I should think: if a person can at least start with that--a personality---then they can make inroads into other areas needing improvement in their life.

One has to start somewhere. And it also helps when you have something to look forward every day.

It helps if you are happy to begin with.

Basically: having a real, sincere, quality relationship makes people happy (he must have thought he saw that with you). That makes people want to live. And eventually: that motivates in other ways too. It's just that: there's an order of operations maybe; one thing must be secured, in the persons mind or heart, before another. And that's why anyone would do what this man has done. He wants to feel secure.

Maybe he has a plan you don't see.

Are you familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs? Essentially, it's about that; the order in which things must be secured. For anyone.

 

[cofrader]

I found woman are more into behavior than looks.
I found that in general make fast assessment of a person status like terminator looking but its an evolutionary need to guess if he could maintain an eventual kid.
I saw a movie dirty john a men who bypass the protections of several woman and end up broken, somehow hacked them i guess they didn't used her friends.

You want to eat on those fancy restaurants when is not on your budget? Why ? Made you feel important? Try to have the best relationship you can, feeling good comes from inside you nothing external.

 

[notthatguy]

I think it depends on how much game the guy has.