Why do I not feel attractive but get a lot of compliments?

[studmuffintop]

Hello,

Let me start by saying I'm very confident in myself and actually love myself very much, I have realized lately that I don't feel attractive despite getting complimented in public and online. I don't necessarily think people are lying to me or just being nice. I just don't understand how I can see how attractive others are but question when I'm attracting people. Just curious on others experience or feelings towards this.

 

[marriedasian]

How are you concluding whether or not you are attractive? Is there some scale or measurement you're using? Are you being objective or subjective? All this matters and will yield different results.

If random strangers are giving you compliments then you are attractive, more than likely.

For example, for the longest time, I thought my penis was average or small. Only after consistently being told I was big by many women and men that I came to accept my size and be proud of it. It's natural to doubt yourself. Just don't be a prick about it when you come around.

 

[FrankieGuile]

Hello,

Let me start by saying I'm very confident in myself and actually love myself very much, I have realized lately that I don't feel attractive despite getting complimented in public and online. I don't necessarily think people are lying to me or just being nice. I just don't understand how I can see how attractive others are but question when I'm attracting people. Just curious on others experience or feelings towards this.

Unless you're fishing for compliments here, such an issue is best discussed with a therapist.

 

[studmuffintop]

How are you concluding whether or not you are attractive? Is there some scale or measurement you're using? Are you being objective or subjective? All this matters and will yield different results.

If random strangers are giving you compliments then you are attractive, more than likely.

For example, for the longest time, I thought my penis was average or small. Only after consistently being told I was big by many women and men that I came to accept my size and be proud of it. It's natural to doubt yourself. Just don't be a prick about it when you come around.

I typically judge myself based of the beauty standard. Idk if I wrote the thread wrong where I came off like a prick but I always accept compliments and return them as well never thinking too much of myself but I do feel like I've come to accept Im a pretty attractive person and I just sometimes dont see it and its one of those things that Im like "Am I really attractive?"

 

[studmuffintop]

Unfort

Unless you're fishing for compliments here, such an issue is best discussed with a therapist.

unfortunately Idk how to fish :/

 

[marriedasian]

I typically judge myself based of the beauty standard. Idk if I wrote the thread wrong where I came off like a prick but I always accept compliments and return them as well never thinking too much of myself but I do feel like I've come to accept Im a pretty attractive person and I just sometimes dont see it and its one of those things that Im like "Am I really attractive?"

Trust me, society will tell you if you're attractive or not. The rest is in your head and we can't fix what is in your head, only you can. It's like buying the winning lottery ticket but still can't believe you've won and unsure whether or not you should cash it in... hope you can relate. Good luck.

 

[Evenflow618]

Take the compliments its always nice

 

[Smolguy]

I have a hard time accepting compliments honestly. It makes me feel awkward because I’m not used to getting any attention since I’m kinda invisible in social situations that I end up in.

It makes me feel good a few hours later but in the moment I get anxious.

Talking to guys is scary haha blehhh

I know I’m at least okay looking but it probably is just because I’m not my type, so it doesn’t compute in my brain how somebody would think I’m good looking haha.

 

[Sagittarius84]

Let me start by saying I'm very confident in myself and actually love myself very much, I have realized lately that I don't feel attractive despite getting complimented in public and online. I don't necessarily think people are lying to me or just being nice.

From a straight male perspective, I think I get it?
I think in dealing with women and understanding how they tend to move sexually, how I percieve "attractive" revolves more around sexual opportunities offered, than simply being offered consequence free compliments..therefore I don't necessarily percieve a public or online compliment as attraction, I glean that from a person who makes the effort to make a sexual opportunity possible..
So even within the bounds of a committed relationship, I think a very common situation for many men is one where their significant other is quite complimentary, but for one reason or another isn't necessarily sexual intimate...I strongly suspect a man that gets no compliments in that situation, but is regularly and enthusiastically offered much sexual opportunity is going to percieve themselves as much more attractive.
I think for women, "attractive" comes with the foregone conclusion of "fuckable", I think men see "attractive" without the assumption of "fuckable" as a "lie" and somewhat rightfully so.

 

[michael_3165]

First World problem lol

 

[FrankieGuile]

Unfort

unfortunately Idk how to fish :/

I believe you because you don't seem to be catching anything here with lame attempts at humble-bragging which, for the record, is not very attractive.

 

[rockmusl1]

I have never felt attractive and I have no idea what that feels like. Doesn’t matter. I’ve never had any problem finding hot sex partners, that I thought were totally out of my league and no, I don’t have a big dick or money. Whether you’re hot or not is a decision made by those around you. All you can do is take care of yourself, be a good guy and remember that no one is attractive to everyone.
Just be grateful people find you fuckable and get to being great, generous sex.

 

[studmuffintop]

Trust me, society will tell you if you're attractive or not. The rest is in your head and we can't fix what is in your head, only you can. It's like buying the winning lottery ticket but still can't believe you've won and unsure whether or not you should cash it in... hope you can relate. Good luck.

You're right. You're dammed if you and You're dammed if you don't.

 

[studmuffintop]

Take the compliments its always nice

I do. I usually compliment back. I just live in my head from time to time. Thank you for the advice.

 

[studmuffintop]

From a straight male perspective, I think I get it?
I think in dealing with women and understanding how they tend to move sexually, how I percieve "attractive" revolves more around sexual opportunities offered, than simply being offered consequence free compliments..therefore I don't necessarily percieve a public or online compliment as attraction, I glean that from a person who makes the effort to make a sexual opportunity possible..
So even within the bounds of a committed relationship, I think a very common situation for many men is one where their significant other is quite complimentary, but for one reason or another isn't necessarily sexual intimate...I strongly suspect a man that gets no compliments in that situation, but is regularly and enthusiastically offered much sexual opportunity is going to percieve themselves as much more attractive.
I think for women, "attractive" comes with the foregone conclusion of "fuckable", I think men see "attractive" without the assumption of "fuckable" as a "lie" and somewhat rightfully so.

Honestly... You opened a new thought process behind this and I can't thank you enough. That was very insightful.

 

[studmuffintop]

First World problem lol

LOL I know I need to stfu sometimes.

 

[studmuffintop]

I believe you because you don't seem to be catching anything here with lame attempts at humble-bragging which, for the record, is not very attractive.

I appreciate the constructive criticism. I think you may have read my post wrong because being humble is what makes me feel odd about being perceived because I worked really hard to get to a point where I have self love for myself and wanted to see how others experience with this was like. As thats all this is.

 

[studmuffintop]

I have never felt attractive and I have no idea what that feels like. Doesn’t matter. I’ve never had any problem finding hot sex partners, that I thought were totally out of my league and no, I don’t have a big dick or money. Whether you’re hot or not is a decision made by those around you. All you can do is take care of yourself, be a good guy and remember that no one is attractive to everyone.
Just be grateful people find you fuckable and get to being great, generous sex.

AND this is why I love you lol I also feel like I don't need that validation from others but I was just expressing how I was feeling. I don' stay stuck on it. I just love discussions and learning from others perspectives.

 

[FrankieGuile]

I appreciate the constructive criticism. I think you may have read my post wrong because being humble is what makes me feel odd about being perceived because I worked really hard to get to a point where I have self love for myself and wanted to see how others experience with this was like. As thats all this is.

Humility and body dysmorphia are different things. I do not suffer from either condition.

 

[studmuffintop]

Humility and body dysmorphia are different things. I do not suffer from either condition.

And we love that for you.