1. Welcome To LPSG
    Welcome to LPSG.com. If you are here because you are looking for the most amazing open-minded fun-spirited sexy adult community then you have found the right place. We also happen to have some of the sexiest members you'll ever meet. Signup below and come join us.


Sex Diary - TW: Sexual Assault

Published by Shofixti in the blog Shofixti's blog. Views: 267

:emoji_biohazard: Three and a half months into a relationship: I was raped

I am keeping the details quite vague, because I don't assume I maintain complete privacy here.

For two months I was just confused. I could only really own that a "not nice thing" had happened to me, I had been violated and I was not okay about it.
For the next two months I owned the story and clarified with friends that the incident doubly meets the legal definition of rape in New Zealand. I spent that time telling my dad and youngest brother and small group of people I'm close with. Depression and lost sleep.

Finally I am getting hints of the next phase: anger. This is a lot better because it means I'm not frozen in place.

A small degree of backstory. This relationship began at his insistence that he really felt strongly about me and wanted to explore a relationship with me. At his request I topped for all of our sex. I really do enjoy creating consent and comfort. A typical night where we had sex was to begin foreplay in the living room - and then get aroused. He would go off into the bathroom for anywhere between twelve and thirty minutes and I would just wait in the bedroom until he was ready and happy to have sex. I communicate during sex, during requesting different positions - and I actively pay attention to signs of discomfort or distress. I put a lot of work into oral sex too - but it seems his penis is desensitised to the state that he could only climax from touching himself.

One night he supplied me with a white powder, my first experience ever. We talked past midnight and he shared a story of how he'd been injured by a sexual partner. We talked about the possibility of doing other things in our sex life - and I impressed upon him that I had not bottomed in over four months.

Early in the morning he woke me. I was still high, tired, and confused (there were other aspects to the previous evening that had caused some distress for me, I just wanted to be comforted). I could tell he was trying to have sex with me, but he never spoke, he never kissed me, he never touched me gently. We had never had sex in the middle of the night before. He was also really hung. I was so confused. I didn't know why he would do this - but I thought . . . maybe I can trust him?

His initial efforts to penetrate me hadn't worked. To protect myself I got on top, thinking I could control the pace of things - but his fucking cock wasn't hard enough in that position. I remember my chin dropping, so tired. He pushed me on my back and locked me knees at my chest. For three brief seconds he applied some lube with a single finger to my hole. He shoved himself inside me - no warming up, no checking in, still no speaking, no affection. I hissed and pushed back on his thighs - but he wasn't interested in paying attention to me.

In those moments I felt myself shattering. I had spent weeks and months creating a wholesome and consent-based sex life - and he was showing me he learned nothing, cared nothing. His cock couldn't even cum - this was just a power play. He was just a dark grey lump, breathing, not enough light for any eye contact. He was a wealthy man and blamed me for not magically fixing all his sexual longings and brokenness. Why tell me a story about being anally injured and then two hours later force your way into my body?​

This sex was not consensual. You cannot give consent when under the influence of drugs. It was hard to sleep after that, some of my blood vessels swollen and painful.

I'm finally getting counselling about it. Some men are really fucked up.
  • Wine0
  • Peterhunk81
  • Shofixti
  • Ep4255304
You need to be logged in to comment
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice