About to give up on being bi.

[CollStorm]

Long story short:

Went to a site looking for a regular weekly bud. Put the ad up and someone responded. We both wanted the same thing and we talked for about two weeks.

Last night he texts for me to come over, but wants a face pic. I don't give out face pics at all, because I don't want it coming back to haunt me, because I'm not out of the closet.

So, he agrees to meet. I go to his place and he opens up the door in a jockstrap. He basically is nervous, so I open up and tell him my sexual history. Still not enough, so we talked about jobs and I tell him where I work. He's also drunk.

My vibe was that he's clearly gay, but not out or doing anything about it, but some of the questions he asks me are just plain stupid.

"during a blowjob, when do I blow?"

Anyhow, we both get off. He gets super quiet and then hugs me. We part ways and I tell him, I'll text you later.

I text later and he says that I'm unattractive to him. I tell him "I wouldn't have hooked up if I knew it was a one time thing". He responds with "oh well, that's what you get when you don't give out a face pic".

Is it me, or could he have easily told me this as we were chatting away?

I'm devastated at this point. This guy was perfect, because he wanted the same thing I do. I have looked for over six months, before going through countless false responses, before I met this guy.

I just don't think it's worth it anymore. It will be hard, because I consider myself 50/50 at this point, but I have no luck with girls at all. I'm also in my 40's and my age isn't helping the situation.

Any advice?

 

[Clipses]

If you had talked to this dude for 2 weeks, chances are sending a face pic wouldn't have came back to haunt you. Anyone who would have chatted with you for 2 whole weeks without even seeing your face isn't in it to stalk you. Pic collectors are after the short game.

I certainly wouldn't have done it (continue to talk to you that is); if past the first few messages you haven't shown your face - I'm donezo.

My advice? You're in your fucking 40's. Man the hell up and take control of your life out of the hands of what other people might think about you - and start enjoying it. If you're looking for a full-time thing or something that can potentially lead into a relationship, face pictures are essential, and the earlier the better.

And get real about something "coming back to haunt you". You're not in the grave yet, but you're also past statistical mid-life. What are you expecting to come back to haunt you by showing a face picture?

Putting yourself out there is part of the game. Also, if you are unhappy about your "luck" with girls and/or guys - do something about it. Do a self-examination and uncover what you feel may be lacking in terms of your attractiveness and actively work on it.

 

[CollStorm]

Working on part of it actively, the other part I can't change.

 

[bibigboy]

Looks are tough to factor, man, and even though we can only help so much about appearance, rejection on that level can feel the most devastating.

I think what you have to ask yourself is what can you offer? What are you confident in about yourself? Or can you offer something like submission or desired abuse?

I don't think I've an abundance of gifts, and my self esteem is often low, but when I'm meeting someone new I try hard to focus on what I know I'm good at and that brings confidence out of me better than just hoping I'm pleasing to his or her eye.

And most importantly, don't give up. That above all else.

And if you learn to love yourself, message me and tell me how, 'cause that shit's the hardest of all.

 

[CollStorm]

At this point I must have nothing to offer, because I'm having no luck.

 

[latinluva]

As a bi man myself, I never give in to any type of pressure. If you don't wanna send face pic, then don't. Stick to your values and standards and don't give in. Your issues have nothing to do with you being bisexual. I never meet anyone online for hook ups. I go to gay clubs, straight clubs......I'm always honest about my sexuality when it's important for them to know. There are plenty of women out who don't mind dating guys who like men also. I have lots of fun with both sexes. I dunno what you look like, but I exercise regularly and consider myself decent looking. The gym is a great place to meet someone and get to know them.

 

[CollStorm]

I'm average looking and started hitting the weights a month ago. I'm actually stepping out of my box and have my first exercise class coming up.

 

[Hoss]

The times I've hooked up from the internet or made attempts to do so, I've not given a picture and if we meet then we take it from there. However I've never had a case where I got used for sexual release by another man and then later got told that I wasn't their type. That part of the conversation has always been made before the clothes are off and sometimes it is over before it even starts. That's a part of internet hookups.

It essentially seems to me you got some s.o.b. who just wanted to get off sexually and they used you. Don't let it get you there are lots of other men and women out there who won't be so cruel.

 

[latinluva]

I'm average looking and started hitting the weights a month ago. I'm actually stepping out of my box and have my first exercise class coming up.

Good for you, keep it up....lots of good people with the same interest out there for you.

 

[CollStorm]

Yea, the problem is that I'm not "out" and don't know if I ever will be.

Like I said, it's a hard thing to do, but I tell any guy that might show interest "that my face picture is not going to be given out on the internet or through a text on the phone. We meet and if you decide we're not a good fit, I'll be fine with that."

Unfortunately, I don't get past the not sending my face pic part of the conversation.

 

[latinluva]

I'm not out......at least to family and close friends. But being bi isn't something that I can just not be, it's my DNA.

 

[atxbimale]

Hey man. Sorry about your experience...but a single experience should not deter you from pursuing it further. If you do not want to send pics, that is fine. I recommend you meet the prospective guy at a neutral public place like a starbucks or gas station. I would not do it at night either. Best to be in daylight so you know what is going on in your surroundings. Do not compromise your safety...ever!

 

[DevonTexas]

You may be throwing off bad or negative vibes. Keep up the work outs and more
Importantly, work on the self esteem and self worth. That is sexy to anyone - male or female

 

[malakos]

I don't mean this in an insensitive way... authentic bisexuality is not something one can just give up on.

 

[londoner83]

Hey,

I'm really sorry you're having a crappy time of it. I can empathise to an extent - I'm bi but not out to any great extent, and appreciate the nervousness about sharing photos.

It sounds like your making a good start though with the classes (I think that having some kind of activity to focus on makes talking to people easier). Have you considered checking sites like Meetup to see if there's a local bi group? Meeting other bi people and being able to be relaxed about yourself with them might help you get more confidence, which you can then take into other situations.

I hope things go well for you, dude

 

[dickthrobbing]

Long story short:

I just don't think it's worth it anymore. It will be hard, because I consider myself 50/50 at this point, but I have no luck with girls at all. I'm also in my 40's and my age isn't helping the situation.

Any advice?

I have had more sex since I turned 40 than I did when I was 20, now in my 50's and still have a lot of sex with both gals and guys

 

[poultrygeist]

OP do you have any female friends who know you're bisexual? Almost everyone likes to play matchmaker. They might be able to help you find someone else like you. I would think a lot of women have gay or bi friends who would be happy to have you a friend. The trick is finding a matchmaker friend who is both non-judgmental and also drama-free enough to allow you to stay in the closet by keeping a secret.

 

[malakos]

OP do you have any female friends who know you're bisexual? Almost everyone likes to play matchmaker. They might be able to help you find someone else like you. I would think a lot of women have gay or bi friends who would be happy to have you a friend. The trick is finding a matchmaker friend who is both non-judgmental and also drama-free enough to allow you to stay in the closet by keeping a secret.

Sounds like a decent idea.

 

[theplayerking]

Hookups without a face pic are always dicey. If you want to save yourself a lot of frustration, you should start using face pics. I'm sorry if that's not the answer you want to hear, but hookups are shallow and all about lust and immediate chemistry based on appearance.

It sometimes doesn't work out even with very accurate pics, but it's ten times harder without one.

 

[cvcgolf]

Dude.. 40 is not to old.. You just seem to have low self esteem.. Continue to hit the gym and eat right.. Lot's of protein to increase your muscle mass and make the most out of your workouts.. Your body changes will help improve confidence.. Chat it up with males and females at the gym as well.. Don't just be a loner..

Meet people at the local bars.. College bars if they're near and sports bars for sure.. Speaking to women is simple.. Just pretend your talking to a male friend or female coworker.. Don't act like you're picking them up with stupid lines or anything.. Women are just regular people and they love guys.. They have to.. We're their mates..

Basically, don't be a pussy.. Say hi to people then walk on.. Go back 15 minutes later for another chat and see if you get a positive response.. It's all easy..

The way to meet guys is to send a pic.. A pic will not haunt you.. Don't you want to see a pic of the person?.. Of course you do.. What are you going to do with that pic?.. You're going to delete it no matter what and so will they.. You can also search for a local spa.. Is their a Korean spa near by?.. Spa's are great for relaxing and enjoying the facilities, pools and saunas while being nude and being able to see everyone else there nude.. Most guys there are bi or gay.. Great place to meet guys.. Again, chat it up..

Good luck!