Lol, I wasn't being that serious, just a way of saying that things are different.
headbang8
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I’ve been in your shoes, CHC. So forgive me if I get a little blunt—I needed to be pretty blunt with myself to overcome my problem, and it was tough to do.
The truth is, you CAN’T say with 100% certainty that you’ll never be interested in being in a relationship with a man. At least, not until you’ve tried it.
Right now, you’ve only encountered men as images on a page or pixels on a screen. No wonder your standards are high. And no matter the fantasies you put together in your head with the man on the screen, they’re unlikely to be geared toward a real, abiding emotional connection.
The challenge for me was to open my mind and heart to guys. I took a number of guys for a spin, and simply observed my response. In my head, I could easily compare the guy I was with to the Adonises in my spank bank. But in bed, feeling his warm body, watching him get excited, I wasn’t in my head. I was in my body, in the moment—which was a rare feeling for me.
(I get the feeling you might be in the same boat. If you’re en flagrante with a woman, but thinking in your head about being railed by a muscle daddy, maybe you’re not quite present?)
Not only did I get sexually aroused with men at least as well as I did with women, but I found myself getting emotionally aroused, too. If we clicked, it didn’t take long before the intimacy we achieved in bed turned into emotional intimacy in other areas of life. And TBH, I now prefer the way men comport themselves emotionally.
My advice, FWIW, is to just do it. Many people decry saunas and back rooms, but a (safe) visit or two could help you get used to what men’s bodies are like IRL, with all their glorious variety, complexity, and goofy imperfections. You could surprise yourself with what turns you on when you see it in the flesh, and how satisfying it is to actually experience the physical sensations of the encounter—and to see the other guy’s response to your body, too. He doesn’t have to be Prince Charming to deliver an awesome blow job. And neither do you.
Personally, it’s pretty rare for me to find a man’s body which I can’t have fun with; it doesn’t have to be perfect to have a great time. And there’s so much joy in giving the other guy pleasure. I never met a dick I didn’t like. Though I sometimes didn’t care for the guys they were attached to.
I don’t want to pander to gender stereotypes with this next comment, but hear me out. In my relationships with women, I tended to let them take the lead, and they were the gatekeepers.
In my experience with women, emotions come first, and sex follows. In male relationships, sex comes first and emotions follow.
With men, If you ain’t havin’ the sex, you ain’t gonna get to the emotions. IMHO, that’s simply the math.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m trying to bust your balls—a stranger on the internet, no less! I really feel for you. But I think if you loosen the reins, you’ll be in for a smoother ride. Feel free to ping me if you’d like to chat.
Met couple of bi guys who said similarly until they (myself included) fall for a guy, scary shit I tell you. 
Funny you should say that because I actually tried to do just what you're suggesting recently. To mixed results, unfortunately.
I've been doing a lot of soul-searching lately and I got to a point where, at least in terms of hypotheticals, I opened myself up to the possibility of dating a man or experiencing romantic feelings for one. For the first time in my life I let myself visualize that, fully, and it felt...right, like it just fit in perfectly with the more sexual fantasies. I know it doesn't sound like much but to me it was a sort of monumental shift because I'd never even come close to letting myself even picture that before, and yet here I was, part of me actually yearning for it.
So with that in mind, I accepted my gay bff's invitation to go gay bar hopping with him and his boyfriend. I told them the same thing and they were super encouraging and swore they were going to get me laid with some guy. The problem is, it happened what has always happened to me in gay bars/clubs: I didn't find any guy attractive, or at least attractive enough to want to fuck him on the spot. And if I don't find them attractive off the bat, then I lose all momentum. I made out in the bathroom with a very clingy twink but I just wasn't feeling it at all and then I went home. And of course, my friend then said, like he always does, "Well, maybe you're not actually into guys?" But like, dude, I KNOW I am.
The most frustrating part is that I don't know where this idea of needing a guy to knock me off my feet is coming from because it's never been that way with women. None of my relationships or crushes with women have ever been love at first sight. Hell, based on some snide comments from "friends" I gathered that my ex-gf wasn't particularly attractive but to me she was beautiful.
Something I didn't mention in the post was a time where I got kind of close to a gay classmate from college. He had the best personality and we had this kind of easy chemistry and I felt the beginning of a crush on my part forming...but again, I didn't find him attractive, even though he was, objectively, very handsome.
Aww, man, I don't know, it's such a mess. I know, on some level, this is the result of decades of internalized homophobia and I know I have to work on that. But the words "Well, maybe you're not really into guys?" keep playing in my head because while I was in that gay bar making out with that twink I kept thinking about that hot chick from the new season of The Mole and wishing I was in a bar talking to her, but then I went home and jerked off to the video of Papi Kocik fucking Malik.
What. A. Mess.
Nah I get you, also need to find the guys attractive first otherwise that ain't it, sometimes I question myself cause I don't like most guys I see on the street (but it's also the same with girls too) but then gay porn it's my go to for jerking off and good bi porn it's so hard to find.
Yeah, it's the same for me except I do find a lot of girls hot while out in the street but then, yes, I end up jerking off to hot dudes or gay porn.
Oh man, don't even get me started on bi porn. Why is everyone so ugly? And they're all inked head to toe (nothing against it, just not into it) and the girls always have tiny tits (again, nothing wrong with that, just not my vibe). You know it's slim pickings out here when one of the best bi porn scenes is Malik fucking Dante Colle and some chick in a movie theater.
Lolol, the bi people in porn is soo true, it's like the don't put any effort in their looks and have everyone just be doing stuff until they are done.
Oh here's another fun one, visually I tend to prefer guy's asses over girls, but I find a little more enjoyable to eat pussy than to suck dick (though when it comes to it ass is ass)
I generally tolerate girls more than guys but I do enjoy the attention I get from the later.
Also love when I see a guy who mostly bottoms on porn fucking pussy, it's such a contrast.
So yeah, all messed up too.
I generally tolerate girls more than guys but I do enjoy the attention I get from the later.
Also love when I see a guy who mostly bottoms on porn fucking pussy, it's such a contrast.
So yeah, all messed up too.
I like this game!
I'm way more into girls' asses than men's. I've never sucked dick but the thought turns me on more than eating pussy.
And yeah, a bottom fucking pussy is damn hot. In general, gay dudes fucking women is a turn on, like you said, because of the contrast.
I think they are probably bi with a preference for men, but yeah, I find it so hot.
I had similar feelings when I was in my teens through my 30s. [i'm in my mid-50s now.] I found women much more emotionally available. But the physical intimacy with men was much hotter—sensation-wise—but somewhat empty emotionally. I always said I was a gay-identified bisexual. But NOW, I'd probably say I am a sapio–pansexual. I have found that really intelligent people who are open-minded and have developed their emotional intelligence and communication skills and who accept and are responsible about their sexual freakiness are the ones who turn me on most and offer me the most fulfilling emotional & sexual relationships. Now, women are much more open minded (especially bisexual ones) and I can more freely express my sexual desires. And having gotten older, I am much less afraid to call men on their BS and hold them accountable—as I hope my partners will do with me. Be patient with yourself; allow yourself some grace; and bravely go after what your heart, mind, and dick desire. And don't despair; you'll find your tribe. Just my 2¢. Cheers.
OP, as someone who's exactly like you in the sense that I'm only attracted to the hottest men around, let me give you some advice in that regard:
It's okay to be picky. Don't let anyone call you "shallow" or something like that for liking what you like. Don't ever apologize for being what you are. Sexuality is a wide and complex spectrum, and if yours, like mine, makes you only attracted to the upper echelon of the hottest men, then so be it. That's you and that's what you want. Don't fuck someone you don't find attractive just to try to feel something you're probably not going to feel anyway.
You say hot men make you harder, hornier, is what you desire the most, etc. Then your path forward seems pretty clear to me: You go after those hot men. And if you don't think you have a shot with the kind of men you like, work on yourself as much as you can to get that shot. Go to the gym, get some nice skin care, work on your confidence and talk game, etc. You do what you have to do but you go out there and get yourself some hot dick.
I will just say tho, as much as I don't like to tell you to lower your expectations maybe you should have more realistic goals in mind right out of the gate. You're probably not going to fuck someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth in the near future. I mean, take it from me, I've been looking for a Hemsy lookalike myself for years to no avail! But that doesn't mean you have to settle for someone you don't find attractive. Hot guys with killer bods aren't as rare as all that. I still remember the first time I fucked a guy like that, and let me tell you: There's nothing quite like running your tongue over a guy's six pack, to touch his biceps as you run your hands all over his arms, to grab onto his back muscles as he fucks you, to feel his pecs pressing down on you. It's pretty great.
It's okay to be picky. Don't let anyone call you "shallow" or something like that for liking what you like. Don't ever apologize for being what you are. Sexuality is a wide and complex spectrum, and if yours, like mine, makes you only attracted to the upper echelon of the hottest men, then so be it. That's you and that's what you want. Don't fuck someone you don't find attractive just to try to feel something you're probably not going to feel anyway.
You say hot men make you harder, hornier, is what you desire the most, etc. Then your path forward seems pretty clear to me: You go after those hot men. And if you don't think you have a shot with the kind of men you like, work on yourself as much as you can to get that shot. Go to the gym, get some nice skin care, work on your confidence and talk game, etc. You do what you have to do but you go out there and get yourself some hot dick.
I will just say tho, as much as I don't like to tell you to lower your expectations maybe you should have more realistic goals in mind right out of the gate. You're probably not going to fuck someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth in the near future. I mean, take it from me, I've been looking for a Hemsy lookalike myself for years to no avail! But that doesn't mean you have to settle for someone you don't find attractive. Hot guys with killer bods aren't as rare as all that. I still remember the first time I fucked a guy like that, and let me tell you: There's nothing quite like running your tongue over a guy's six pack, to touch his biceps as you run your hands all over his arms, to grab onto his back muscles as he fucks you, to feel his pecs pressing down on you. It's pretty great.
I mean, I'm all for people going for what they like, but usually those guys go for equally hot dudes too.
halcyondays
Worshipped Member
I had a "am-I-straight-or-am-I-gay" crisis for a short while--maybe a month--when I first started fucking guys in my early twenties but it resolved quickly because my attraction to women never flagged nor did I stop dating them.
So no. I have one dick linked to one brain and it likes both men & women but favors women.
So no. I have one dick linked to one brain and it likes both men & women but favors women.
