As a group of Straight Man, would you go to Japanese Onsen / Publich Bathouse with your gay bestfriend?

[Brianhalim]

I am a gay/bi man, and I will be traveling to Japan with my group of straight best friends (mostly men in their late 20s), and half of them know that I’m gay/bi.

We’ve discussed going to an onsen, and we’re all a bit concerned about feeling shy or awkward since, in our culture, it’s uncommon to see each other nude. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind going to the onsen fully naked, but I’m worried about how my straight friends might feel about it.

So, I want to ask for your opinions. As straight men traveling in a group, would you feel uncomfortable if one of the group members is gay and you’re all going to the onsen together? Or would it be better for the gay friend to go at a separate time?

 

[Rooker]

There is just no way a sampling of Internet responses are going to give you the insight you need. It seems like comfort with nudity will influence the response more than the difference in sexuality.

 

[cofrader]

I am a gay/bi man, and I will be traveling to Japan with my group of straight best friends (mostly men in their late 20s), and half of them know that I’m gay/bi.

We’ve discussed going to an onsen, and we’re all a bit concerned about feeling shy or awkward since, in our culture, it’s uncommon to see each other nude. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind going to the onsen fully naked, but I’m worried about how my straight friends might feel about it.

So, I want to ask for your opinions. As straight men traveling in a group, would you feel uncomfortable if one of the group members is gay and you’re all going to the onsen together? Or would it be better for the gay friend to go at a separate time?

Ok you are going to a small town in Japan and it has baths. A very unusual choice for your age.
Anyway they are your friends, naked or not doesn't anything, a common area where people happen to be naked doesn't make it a pickup bar.

https://imgur.com/0PCvVq0

 

[Brianhalim]

Ok you are going to a small town in Japan and it has baths. A very unusual choice for your age.
Anyway they are your friends, naked or not doesn't anything, a common area where people happen to be naked doesn't make it a pickup bar.

https://imgur.com/0PCvVq0

why is it unusual choice for my age? we just want to feel a new experience since it is cultural thing in Japan, well i agree with you i wouldnt do anything to them, im just afraid of what they think of me, i just afraid they will think i will take advantage to take a glimpse when we go to onsen. if they think like that, i prefer not joining, im not gonna ruin our relatiionship over that and not going to ruin a long planned trip

 

[cofrader]

why is it unusual choice for my age? we just want to feel a new experience since it is cultural thing in Japan, well i agree with you i wouldnt do anything to them, im just afraid of what they think of me, i just afraid they will think i will take advantage to take a glimpse when we go to onsen. if they think like that, i prefer not joining, im not gonna ruin our relatiionship over that and not going to ruin a long planned trip

I just remembered homer on the university. Party! or at least karaoke.
It's your choice based on how can you control yourself if you are like a gremlin that can't get wet without making a mess you could give an excuse.
Naked people is not a big deal but i don't think it's mandatory just follow the group and what are you comfortable with. If the point of visiting that city is the bath it would be a shame to miss it.

 

[ronin001]

I think there are mineral springs in Indonesia. I have no idea if they are as classically erotic as the ones in Japan. Friends, best friends can be jack asses at times, so be careful no one snaps a picture with their phone. Even a harmless picture of mild horse play if shared on local social media, can get you into trouble in Indonesia under Sharia law.

But to answer the question, none of my friends would be traveling without their wives. Sooooo no long distance boys only road trips

 

[Sagittarius84]

I think elsewhere in the world, especially in the West I would have a problem or feel uncomfortable...but ironically given the conservative attitude towards public sexuality in Japan, I think an onsen is a somewhat safe space to be nude with a societally policed imperative of no funny business.
Although to be fair, I can't speak for a lot of guys here but my uncomfortability with male nudity isn't just resigned to the possible or confirmed gay/bisexual men...I don't want to be in communal nudity with all super straight men, hell not even asexual eunuchs...I have no interest in being nude in the presence of anyone I'm not fucking, seeking to fuck, or open to fucking...so if I was in your friend group, I'd probably be the odd man out before anyone else.

 

[Sagittarius84]

why is it unusual choice for my age? we just want to feel a new experience since it is cultural thing in Japan,

Because it's a particularly cultured choice not common to your generation or age group. Unless they themselves were Japanese, or happened to be in Japan for a purpose other than vacation, statistically a bunch of male late twenty somethings are going to hit the tourist heavy, Western convenient spots.
I remember when I was younger and espoused a desire to go to Japan, everybody assumed the same, until I started spouting off various roads and highways I was more interested in seeing than any particular one site. People definitely thought it was unusual I would be more excited to travel down a particular touge named Happogahara at 30km/h then to stand in the majesty of Mt Fuji.

 

[justaguy5000]

Been to multiple onsens when traveling in Japan with friends. Was also stationed in Korea for a bit and there we went to multiple jimjilbangs. If you haven't been naked with them before it'll be awkward for about 5 minutes. Then it'll be fine. Don't worry about it.

 

[grandstand1]

Wouldn't bother me at all...except I'm small. They're supposed to be your friends. Don't you feel like you know someone better if you've seen them naked? Maybe I'm weird...but i wouldn't mind seeing all my friends naked. If they don't, it's their choice...no big deal. But it is their hang up, not yours. You being gay is irrelevant. Don't they think gay people have any self control??! How insulting.

 

[Brianhalim]

Wouldn't bother me at all...except I'm small. They're supposed to be your friends. Don't you feel like you know someone better if you've seen them naked? Maybe I'm weird...but i wouldn't mind seeing all my friends naked. If they don't, it's their choice...no big deal. But it is their hang up, not yours. You being gay is irrelevant. Don't they think gay people have any self control??! How insulting.

My friends are straight and not very understanding or open-minded about gay people. They just assume that gay men are attracted to all men and dicks—maybe because we live in Indonesia, where LGBT topics are not publicly discussed. Even their "gaydar" is pretty bad, lol.

I just hope they don’t mind being naked around me because I don’t mind being naked around them. Nudity is not my focus—I’m more concerned that they might feel irritated or uncomfortable taking an onsen with a gay guy like me. :s

I’m still looking for a straight person’s perspective on why they might not want to be nude together with a gay man in a public bath. I want to understand their reasoning and point of view. Also, what can I do to reduce awkwardness and negative thoughts that straight men might have?

 

[nakedkit]

Your sexual orientation shouldn't impact your or your friends enjoyment of an onsen/spa day. That being said, people have misconceptions about gay people and they may feel uncomfortable in that situation. I've had a spa day with some of my close friends, been naked in front of them - none of them are gay, but it wouldn't have "irritated" me if they were.

In the end, it sounds like y'all need an honest conversation about what everyone is comfortable with: both with nudity and with people potentiality thinking you'd be ogling them (or whatever concern you'd think they'd have, regarding your sexuality). To me, sounds like it could be a fun thing that your friend group normally wouldn't do. Someone else in your friend group might feel differently.

 

[justaguy5000]

Like most onsens in Japan aren't super fancy. For sure there are some that are high end. But with most of the ones I went to it was mostly just about getting clean and relaxing a bit.

You can also try a sento, which is similar to onsens, but without the natural spring water. Those are usually a lot more basic. We'd usually hit up a sento in the middle of the day after we'd been sweating and walking around a lot. Just felt good to get off our feet for a bit without going back to the hotel.

One of my friends was gay and the other one and me were straight. But it wasn't a big deal. It's also a pretty cool cultural experience. Some of the onsens date back centuries. Like the building may be newer, but the hotspring it's built on top of is super old. Even some of the sentos were like stepping into time machine and going back 70 years.

Even had a few convos with some old Japanese guys. They didn't speak English and I didn't speak Japanese, but they were still friendly and welcoming. They definitely appreciate it when you respect the rules though, so read up on bath etiquette before you go.

I remember beaming with pride when I'd get an approving nod from an old Japanese guy who was quietly just waiting for me to be a ignorant gaijin.

Oh and if the place has an electric bath, you have to try it. We actually made a contest out of who could take the underwater zapping the longest.

 

[chrisjason]

In Japan, you should follow the local customs. And an onsen experience is quintensially Japanese. I went to an onsen as a shore excursion from a cruise boat. About 20 male strangers were in our group. The uncomfortable shyness lasted only a few moments as we stood before the lockers. Once one started stripping, the others joined in. A few hurried to the towels to rap around their waists and held a hand over their goods on the way. Within a minute or two, everyone was going from pool to pool without thinking about nudity at all. There were many locals in the onsen when we arrived. The American group soon got used to seeing swinging dick and started ignoring it. By the way, the onsens do not usually have a lower age limit - so you'll see kids of all ages (and they act perfectly adult). From my observation, American dicks are bigger than Japanese ones. So, all your friends will be happy in comparison. And nothing SEXUAL happened to anyone.

 

[lesterbegood]

In Japan, you should follow the local customs. And an onsen experience is quintensially Japanese. I went to an onsen as a shore excursion from a cruise boat. About 20 male strangers were in our group. The uncomfortable shyness lasted only a few moments as we stood before the lockers. Once one started stripping, the others joined in. A few hurried to the towels to rap around their waists and held a hand over their goods on the way. Within a minute or two, everyone was going from pool to pool without thinking about nudity at all. There were many locals in the onsen when we arrived. The American group soon got used to seeing swinging dick and started ignoring it. By the way, the onsens do not usually have a lower age limit - so you'll see kids of all ages (and they act perfectly adult). From my observation, American dicks are bigger than Japanese ones. So, all your friends will be happy in comparison. And nothing SEXUAL happened to anyone.

Was a warning given prior to the excursion that it is nude only in the onsen.
Was this excursion with Princess. ?

 

[notthatguy]

Yes, but I just would not let anyone touch me.

 

[chrisjason]

Was a warning given prior to the excursion that it is nude only in the onsen.
Was this excursion with Princess. ?

Yes, with Princess. Several warnings were made.

 

[cofrader]

So what happened? There was a scene onsen? There was katana fighting there?

When I get old I hope i get the spirit of general iroh, then I would love to visit that town and bath's.

https://imgur.com/uxUM8A7

 

[ronin001]

@cofrader , Iroh was a great and complex character. But I would like to come back as Bumi.

He is a king, he is crazy, he is in great shape and he is incredibly strong