Awkward situation

[Fat_Bz]

Ok so how do you let gay men know your straight right off without being like hey I'm ----- I'm straight nice to meet you (I find that rude for some reason). Because I hate getting into situations where it's oh sorry bro I'm straight and it's always a little awkward after that.

 

[someperson]

talk about women duh...

 

[JasonO]

I don't find it that rude. I can laugh it off as part of the nice to meet you's. Generally, I'm not looking for anything a straight guy can't give in a conversation, but if it becomes clear that i'm hitting on you or the conversation goes into clearly gay banter, feel free to mention women, girlfriend, "Just to get something out of the way for comfort's sake, but not to be rude, I'm straight."

There's ways to say it in a decent tone that doesn't say "F**k off" uncomfortably.

 

[B_goldgloveuky]

Ok so how do you let gay men know your straight right off without being like hey I'm ----- I'm straight nice to meet you (I find that rude for some reason). Because I hate getting into situations where it's oh sorry bro I'm straight and it's always a little awkward after that.

Let's unpack this question.
1. When you say "how do you let gay men know you're straight," do you mean to say, "how do you let gay men know you are straight, and therefore unavailable for sexual/romantic involvement"?
-- if so, this means that you think of yourself as a potential sexual object for the other person. you are demonstrating that you assume he would be sexually interested in you. that might not be the case. what if he has a partner and doesn't find you attractive but just wants to talk to you, because you are interesting and know a lot about...nascar? saying "hey i'm straight" would tend to shut things down fairly quickly.

2. Why would you need to announce your heterosexuality to a gay man right away?
-- given that you have just met someone, perhaps you should try to talk about other topics at the beginning? weather, sports, politics, olymics, big penises, all the standard stuff. saying "hey i'm straight" can be a bit like oversharing.

3. How are you sure that the man you are talking to is gay? What signs/info do you use to judge whether or not he is gay, in your opinion?
-- finally, saying "hey i'm straight" means that you assume the other person you are talking to is gay. no matter what clues you see that make you think he is gay, even if you see him in the middle of sucking dick at gloryholes at a barbara streisand concert, unless he has said so himself it's not cool to label him. You are free to have your own ideas, and you'd probably be right if you saw him manning the gloryholes. But stop yourself before you put a label on him. Who knows, he might just be an effeminate married pastor who enjoys sucking dick on the side.

hope this helps!

 

[JasonO]

And I guess some people do finding it insulting...

While I don't think it necessarily means you think of yourself as attractive to gays, I guess it could sound that way. It is silly to assume that even a majority of gays want more than innocent conversation with you. There is a pretty good chance they don't find you attractive or aren't looking for any gay relationship at the time they meet you.

That said, you really don't know. And if they do find you attractive, they might get into uncomfortable territory quick. That's why I don't find it that insulting. I understand the precaution. I mean, you don't want to waste our time and we don't want to make you uncomfortable. So if we can set it up as a friendship from the very start, it might just be a good friendship.

So yeah, if you are a good sport and go with your gay roommate to a gay club, but don't want to get into flirting with gay men, I personally would say go ahead and gently mention that you are straight or casually weave a sentence about your girlfriend or something into the conversation.

 

[HFOStimmer]

I don't think that is rude at all. My advice is to let them know you are straight AFTER they blow you.

 

[joyboytoy79]

Ok so how do you let gay men know your straight right off without being like hey I'm ----- I'm straight nice to meet you (I find that rude for some reason). Because I hate getting into situations where it's oh sorry bro I'm straight and it's always a little awkward after that.

I don't think that situation needs to be awkward. I don't walk up to people and say "hey, i'm gay." I would be kinda weirded out if people started introducing themselves to me with their sexuality.

If i find you attractive, I find you attractive. It doesn't mean anything more than that. You don't really have any need to assert your sexuality. Just accept the compliment and move on. If a guy starts getting persistent, or you feel he may have the wrong idea, you can politely correct him. But there aren't a lot of situations where there is any need to tell someone bluntly "I'm straight."

 

[sexplease]

Humor and honesty are often a good platform to go from.
I asked a guy once if he had ever hooked-up with a guy.
His reply: "A couple of times with a friend when I was young, but, I just luuuve pussy too much."
That reply still makes me smile. It was honest and the way he said it - kinda funny.

 

[D_Sal_Manilla]

talk about women duh...

just about to say the same thing. lol

 

[JasonO]

I guess just think about how you would tell a straight woman you aren't available, too. That might be the right move, if you have some non-rude way that you usually do that.

 

[erratic]

Goldgloveuky gives fantastic advice. Listen to him.

If you are pretty certain, on good grounds, that the person you're talking with is gay and interested in you, just slip in something about your previous or current girlfriend(s). "Oh really? You come from Yemen? I dated a Yemeni woman during the winter this year. She came from Socora. Do you know Socora?"

That is, essentially, the inverse of how I tell people I'm gay. I just throw in the term "...my husband..." somewhere that doesn't feel awkward, and then keep the conversation moving.

By the way, good on you for wanting to not lead on and/or lose your shit with innocent gay guys who may or may not be hitting on you. And even more kudos to you for wanting to be polite about it.

 

[Fat_Bz]

Ok thanks just curious as to the protocol thanks for the advice.

 

[conclave27]

It's kinda the same way in my situation when girls had hit on me.
I just say thank you, but I play for the other team. If it's a co-worker or friend best to be direct an polite.

If it's a stranger, just say "Flattered, but No" and abruptly walk away.

Worked for me in the past.

 

[domini]

not really sure how but if he starts coming on to you, politely but firmly turn him down. it doesnt follow that every gay who talks with you is interested in taking you to bed.

 

[BigD_2]

If you are pretty certain, on good grounds, that the person you're talking with is gay and interested in you, just slip in something about your previous or current girlfriend(s). "Oh really? You come from Yemen? I dated a Yemeni woman during the winter this year. She came from Socora. Do you know Socora?"

That is, essentially, the inverse of how I tell people I'm gay. I just throw in the term "...my husband..." somewhere that doesn't feel awkward, and then keep the conversation moving.

By the way, good on you for wanting to not lead on and/or lose your shit with innocent gay guys who may or may not be hitting on you. And even more kudos to you for wanting to be polite about it.

Yeah....what he said.

 

[martin60018]

just dont give out gay vibes, most gay men have gaydar, sometime they just cant read you.
if it is an obvious come on, then just say "dude, you know I am str8" and give him a big hug, unless it is taking place in a different cultural environment where make hugging is not allowed.
if it is perceived, just ask, " you know any girls you can hook me up with?"
these two cover almost all gay come on situations
the majority of gay boys can handle a rejection from a str8 boy, not all of us are stalkers

 

[SethMan321]

...If it's a stranger, just say "Flattered, but No" and abruptly walk away.

conclave27: How DARE that foolish woman not recognize your queenliness when she deigned to enter your airspace! The only thing that you could have done that would have been more insulting would be say "Ew. You have a vagina" before abruptly walking away as one of your boyfriends screeched in a high voice "Ooooooh, got you bitch!" while snapping his fingers in a "Z" pattern.

Fat_Bz: If you feel like a guy is hitting on you, I think you should defuse the situation with a little humor. Maybe you could say something like "Are you hitting on me because I'm totally straight?" while coyly smiling and then add "…and if you're NOT hitting on me, WHY NOT?! Am I not attractive enough for you or what?!" :smile: Trust me. You will have gotten your point across that you're straight. At the same time, he'll realize that you aren't angry and your funny response will take away the sting of any rejection and embarrassment he might feel.

 

[Infernal]

A landscaper made it a point of telling me that he was straight while I was telling him what we wanted done with the grass and trees. I asked him if he meant he was straight up with his prices, and he said, no, that he's straight, but really wanted to work with us. I told him to send his proposal and we would let him know. We selected someone else to do the work. It was a business deal, not a sexual proposal.

 

[rbkwp]

Tell him Str up i think matey
if he is making strong overtures your uncomfortable with
if you have enuf confidence,and want to make it clear
not so much in a nasty way, initially
but
if he perseveres, you have every right to be proetective of yourself huh?

 

[fratpack]

why are straight guys posting responses in this thread when it clearly indicates that only gay men can respond