Broken Promises: A Relationship In Trouble

[gaydude45]

I'm in a three-year gay relationship, and I find myself at the brink of insanity, grappling with the relentless cycle of broken promises from my partner. It's not just the unfulfilled promises that sting, but the constant barrage of new plans and pseudo-justifications that follow. This pattern is driving me to sheer madness.

The Cycle of Broken Promises​

Every time we have a lengthy discussion, my partner makes lofty promises. Yet, the very next day, those promises are shattered. It's as if our conversations, our agreements, and my hopes are all for naught. The frustration is palpable, and it's eroding the foundation of our relationship.

The Impact on Healing​

What makes this even more unbearable is how these broken promises hinder the healing process. Just when I think we're making progress, a new plan or justification is thrown into the mix, derailing any sense of stability or trust. It's a vicious cycle that leaves me feeling helpless and betrayed.

The Emotional Toll​

The emotional toll of this behavior is immense. I find myself questioning my worth, my sanity, and the very essence of our relationship. The constant disappointment and the feeling of being let down are overwhelming. It's as if I'm stuck in a never-ending loop of hope and despair.

Seeking Solutions​

I've tried to communicate my feelings, to set realistic goals, and to hold us both accountable. Yet, the promises continue to be broken, and the justifications keep coming. It's a relentless battle that seems to have no end in sight.

Conclusion​

I'm at a loss. The broken promises, the frustration, and the emotional turmoil are pushing me to my limits. I need advice, support, and perhaps a way out of this destructive cycle. How do I navigate this maze of broken promises and find a path to healing and stability?

Any insights or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.

 

[freeballerlondon]

As it stands, this is too vague and abstract to write a meaningful response. For now, and reading between the lines, my impression is that this is based on fundamental differences in communication from both parties.

Thus, could you be specific about what type of promise we are talking about? Also, and this may help: try to refrain from poetics and flourishes, because it makes it hard to discern fact from over-dramatisation.

 

[gaydude45]

As it stands, this is too vague and abstract to write a meaningful response. For now, and reading between the lines, my impression is that this is based on fundamental differences in communication from both parties.

Thus, could you be specific about what type of promise we are talking about? Also, and this may help: try to refrain from poetics and flourishes, because it makes it hard to discern fact from over-dramatisation.

Promises to spend time together and share our life at home, etc. Basically times to keep open for discussion, intimacy, meals, other fun, etc. It sucks when it's blown off in favor of frivolous pursuits.

 

[freeballerlondon]

Promises to spend time together and share our life at home, etc. Basically times to keep open for discussion, intimacy, meals, other fun, etc. It sucks when it's blown off in favor of frivolous pursuits.

Bluntly put, I get the distinct impression that
1) you value ‘agreements’ more than he does. You basically confirm what I suspected to begin with: for you, a ‘promise’ is set in stone (so to speak), for him, a ‘promise’ is a declaration of intent. (For this sort of matter, the truth is somewhere in the middle, depending on how often promises are ‘broken’ and under which circumstances.
2) I also get the impression that you are more focussed on him, than vice versa. Which is not a measure of affection, love or anything else, it’s just that from the information you provide, one gets the impression that he has more of a ‘life’ outside the relationship than you do
3) the two of you also seem to have a different approach or view on what a relationship entails. Some people think/feel that they should spend most of their spare time/most activities with their partner, whereas others quite happily pursue a life without bringing their partner into the equation all the time. You seem the former, he the latter.

There is a lot of information that is not shared that is crucial in interpreting what little you told. There seems to be a considerable gap and it could either be due to age, education, or profession.
You come across as someone who enjoys spending long evenings dissecting and discussing your relationships, whereas he seems to be someone who prefers to play it by ear.

 

[gaydude45]

Bluntly put, I get the distinct impression that
1) you value ‘agreements’ more than he does. You basically confirm what I suspected to begin with: for you, a ‘promise’ is set in stone (so to speak), for him, a ‘promise’ is a declaration of intent. (For this sort of matter, the truth is somewhere in the middle, depending on how often promises are ‘broken’ and under which circumstances.
2) I also get the impression that you are more focussed on him, than vice versa. Which is not a measure of affection, love or anything else, it’s just that from the information you provide, one gets the impression that he has more of a ‘life’ outside the relationship than you do
3) the two of you also seem to have a different approach or view on what a relationship entails. Some people think/feel that they should spend most of their spare time/most activities with their partner, whereas others quite happily pursue a life without bringing their partner into the equation all the time. You seem the former, he the latter.

There is a lot of information that is not shared that is crucial in interpreting what little you told. There seems to be a considerable gap and it could either be due to age, education, or profession.
You come across as someone who enjoys spending long evenings dissecting and discussing your relationships, whereas he seems to be someone who prefers to play it by ear.

All of what you said is correct. One must be vague, as it is too long to dissect in any way. I would indeed prefer a more carefree life, but his approach has continued to come across as offensive. He's not entirely to blame; much has come out from his being in therapy, for having endured some serious traumas in childhood and adolescence. I love him, and I believe he loves me. I do believe our relationship is worth saving, and I know that he is not the only one who needs to adapt and change. I am desperate for perspective, and you're definitely providing that.

 

[freeballerlondon]

All of what you said is correct. One must be vague, as it is too long to dissect in any way. I would indeed prefer a more carefree life, but his approach has continued to come across as offensive. He's not entirely to blame; much has come out from his being in therapy, for having endured some serious traumas in childhood and adolescence. I love him, and I believe he loves me. I do believe our relationship is worth saving, and I know that he is not the only one who needs to adapt and change. I am desperate for perspective, and you're definitely providing that.

Well… I find your response enlightening, but probably not in the way you think.

The one thing that immediately stands out to me is that a) there is a distinct tendency to dramatise and b) you squarely put all the blame on him. With some minor pseudoexcuse for him having been in therapy.

But it doesn’t work that way and that is most certainly not what I wrote, either. I mentioned mismatch, difference in communication, etc. In other words: it takes two to tango.

He’s not here to defend himself, and we are only responsible for our own actions, so here is a very simple question: what are *you* doing wrong? It may come as a shock, but I do get a very strong impression that the ‘blame’ - for lack of a better word - is just as much on you as it is on him.

And I am curious: I see the hallmarks of a strong unequality/disparity. What is it? Is he much younger than you? Less effluent? From a creative field, rather than economics/finance? (My bet is that he is much younger)

 

[gaydude45]

Well… I find your response enlightening, but probably not in the way you think.

The one thing that immediately stands out to me is that a) there is a distinct tendency to dramatise and b) you squarely put all the blame on him. With some minor pseudoexcuse for him having been in therapy.

But it doesn’t work that way and that is most certainly not what I wrote, either. I mentioned mismatch, difference in communication, etc. In other words: it takes two to tango.

He’s not here to defend himself, and we are only responsible for our own actions, so here is a very simple question: what are *you* doing wrong? It may come as a shock, but I do get a very strong impression that the ‘blame’ - for lack of a better word - is just as much on you as it is on him.

And I am curious: I see the hallmarks of a strong unequality/disparity. What is it? Is he much younger than you? Less effluent? From a creative field, rather than economics/finance? (My bet is that he is much younger)

Thank you for your input. I shall take this all into consideration. Have a lovely weekend.

Merry Christmas!

 

[elklindoxxx]

I

I'm in a three-year gay relationship, and I find myself at the brink of insanity, grappling with the relentless cycle of broken promises from my partner. It's not just the unfulfilled promises that sting, but the constant barrage of new plans and pseudo-justifications that follow. This pattern is driving me to sheer madness.

The Cycle of Broken Promises​

Every time we have a lengthy discussion, my partner makes lofty promises. Yet, the very next day, those promises are shattered. It's as if our conversations, our agreements, and my hopes are all for naught. The frustration is palpable, and it's eroding the foundation of our relationship.

The Impact on Healing​

What makes this even more unbearable is how these broken promises hinder the healing process. Just when I think we're making progress, a new plan or justification is thrown into the mix, derailing any sense of stability or trust. It's a vicious cycle that leaves me feeling helpless and betrayed.

The Emotional Toll​

The emotional toll of this behavior is immense. I find myself questioning my worth, my sanity, and the very essence of our relationship. The constant disappointment and the feeling of being let down are overwhelming. It's as if I'm stuck in a never-ending loop of hope and despair.

Seeking Solutions​

I've tried to communicate my feelings, to set realistic goals, and to hold us both accountable. Yet, the promises continue to be broken, and the justifications keep coming. It's a relentless battle that seems to have no end in sight.

Conclusion​

I'm at a loss. The broken promises, the frustration, and the emotional turmoil are pushing me to my limits. I need advice, support, and perhaps a way out of this destructive cycle. How do I navigate this maze of broken promises and find a path to healing and stability?

Any insights or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for listening.

From a high level, ask yourself this question....Is it worth it? Is the relationship worth the amount of time, money, effort and bullshit you have to deal with?

 

[gaydude45]

I

From a high level, ask yourself this question....Is it worth it? Is the relationship worth the amount of time, money, effort and bullshit you have to deal with?

Yes

 

[freeballerlondon]

I

From a high level, ask yourself this question....Is it worth it? Is the relationship worth the amount of time, money, effort and bullshit you have to deal with?

The one mistake you make is that you assume that this ‘truth’ is the truth: which it definitely is not, it is a truth. The original and follow-up posts all bear the hallmark of extreme bias. I have asked OP a number of follow-up questions which he has, thus far, declined to answer.

 

[gaydude45]

Realized something: it's both sides that need give and take. I feel a renewed sense of optimism after taking in all the perspective and reflecting on them to arrive at the truth which I have discovered.

Merry Christmas!