One of my female friends is running for political office. She considers herself a feminist, yet less than two years ago she had a romantic relationship with a man convicted of knowingly sexting a minor. At the time she did a lot of victim blaming and always justified the relationship by saying that it wasn't like he actually had sex with the girl. I find it hypocritical that she's now running for office as an advocate for women and children. Am I right that it's hypocritical? Or do someone's previous actions not define them and I'm being too judgmental?
Can A Woman Be A Feminist If She Once Knowingly Dated A Sex Offender?
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Scarletbegonia
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I broke this out to keep on topic.
She doesn’t “consider herself a feminist,” she IS a feminist.
As for sexting with a kid, unfortunately, I see a difference between a year under US voting age and basically anything under. Because I remember those girls in high school, and the dazed look on the older guys’ faces. Brain chemistry of stupid, all the way around.
Idiots in love do idiotic things.
Maybe she’s hoping to make up for her stupidity? I assume she is no longer with the perv?
A person’s previous actions and what they did after define their character.
Al Franken took some questionable joke photos. He resigned. That’s a sign of character.
We are watching to see if Cuomo does the right thing.
Anthony Weiner kept doing stupid things.
And Dolt45....well, coverup and manipulate is his DNA.
I don’t get what you mean by this. Just because someone considers themselves to be something doesn’t mean they actually are that thing. Actions speak louder than words. Someone can consider themselves to be liberal or progressive, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are those things if their actions and beliefs say otherwise. And many people consider themselves not to be racist and say stuff like “I don’t have a racist bone in my body” or “I am the least racist person” (Trump often said the latter), but that doesn’t mean they’re not actually racist. That’s why I said my friend considers herself to be a feminist. I’m calling into question whether she can even consider herself one if she knowingly dated a sex offender.
And what if I told you Anthony Weiner was the man she briefly dated (as in a few months) after writing to him while he was still in prison? She put part of the blame on the victim because the girl (who was only 15 at the time) claimed that she sexted with Weiner so that she could expose him and take down Hillary’s campaign. She also always believed everything he said about his wife Huma, and called her a bitch and a bad parent. Now she’s running for political office as a progressive feminist less than two years later. I’m not sure that aligns with her previous actions and beliefs.
A feminist can make bad decisions. It happens all the time. The woman you’re talking about made a horrific decision, in my opinion. She can still be a feminist.
Scarletbegonia
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So you are the arbiter of what makes a feminist? You are the judge and jury?
It’s a politico-social belief system. Like most, people grow into and through them.
There are feminists who hard limit on abortion. It saddens me that they have a splinter that actively fights against that right, or access, but other beliefs align. This action, of campaigning against abortion, seems “un feminist” to me, but the right to campaign at all is working for women’s rights.
There are conservative feminists, and they get battered from both sides.
I once said, “if you attended college, if you vote, if you hold a job, if you have a credit card you are on some level feminist because you believe these should not be denied you on the basis of sex.”
Maybe she has a belief that people can change. I’m not saying I agree or disagree, simply wondering about motivation.
If we have Godwin’s Law, what shall we call it when someone says “but Trump?”
It’s a politico-social belief system. Like most, people grow into and through them.
There are feminists who hard limit on abortion. It saddens me that they have a splinter that actively fights against that right, or access, but other beliefs align. This action, of campaigning against abortion, seems “un feminist” to me, but the right to campaign at all is working for women’s rights.
There are conservative feminists, and they get battered from both sides.
I once said, “if you attended college, if you vote, if you hold a job, if you have a credit card you are on some level feminist because you believe these should not be denied you on the basis of sex.”
Maybe she has a belief that people can change. I’m not saying I agree or disagree, simply wondering about motivation.
If we have Godwin’s Law, what shall we call it when someone says “but Trump?”
By your definition of a feminist, Phyllis Schlafly was a feminist, even though she actively campaigned against feminism.
But she blamed the female victim, and she vilified Weiner’s wife. Both of those things are decidedly un-feminist, and it has been less than two years since she held those views.
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Do you think she should be running for office or is her terrible lack of judgment disqualifying? Even though she’s my friend, her extremely poor judgment is a dealbreaker for me, especially since her romantic relationship with Weiner was less than two years ago. It’s not like a lot of time has passed. The fact that it started from a prison pen pal relationship is also just bizarre and I think calls into question her sanity. Would you still vote for her if you liked her proposed policies?
Show me a single person making laws right now who hasn't made mistakes in the past.
I probably wouldn't vote for her, but I also don't think having made mistakes in the past should always be automatically disqualifying.
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Everyone makes mistakes, but writing to a sex offender in prison and then dating them once they get out shows terrible judgment. Would you trust that person to make sound decisions while in office?
Also, isn't this thread about whether or not she can still be "qualified" as a feminist? Not whether or not we'd vote for her?
LaFemme said it perfectly. Feminist people can make mistakes, just like any other human. Yunno, cuz that's what humans do. And feminists are exactly that: human.
LaFemme said it perfectly. Feminist people can make mistakes, just like any other human. Yunno, cuz that's what humans do. And feminists are exactly that: human.
Yes, I realize everyone makes mistakes, but people running for office run on their record, their past actions. And I think it’s a problem if your actions from the recent past conflict with how you’re presenting yourself as a candidate. Everyone in this thread seems to disagree with “actions speak louder than words,” though. I believe people can change, but she announced her candidacy only a few months after the relationship ended. It’s not like everything that happened was 10+ years ago. I just think it’s hypocritical for her to say she’s a feminist and an advocate for women and children when her recent past of victim blaming and vilifying Weiner’s wife says otherwise.
Hard to pick up on in typed conversations.
I never said I disagree that actions speak louder than words, I just don't know this woman or anything of her other actions she may or may not have taken in her life, recently or otherwise. All I know is what you've told us about her here.
My point is that feminists can make mistakes and still be feminists. Outside of that I don't have anything to say about this person I don't at all know.
I've had people tell me I'm not a feminist because I wear makeup. Because I understand that trans women are women. Because I'm open about enjoying sex. I almost stopped calling *myself* a feminist because of the way other people react/recoil at it.
Then I decided fuck em all. They don't decide for me that I'm pro-equality. They don't get to define me, or my beliefs.
I don't like the things you describe about your friend, but it's not my place to pound the gavel as to whether or not she can call herself a feminist.
Then I decided fuck em all. They don't decide for me that I'm pro-equality. They don't get to define me, or my beliefs.
I don't like the things you describe about your friend, but it's not my place to pound the gavel as to whether or not she can call herself a feminist.
She attitudes are inconsistent and hypocritical.. in my opinion her feminism is completely false and she is only using the feminist cause for her own benefit and for political ambitions ^^ .
Scarletbegonia
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from a Rita Mae Brown book, (either six of One or Bingo)
“Any movement that cares about nail polish isn’t worth two shits.”
A huge step toward living/existing as a feminist is unpacking decades of reinforced internalized misogyny. Clearly, this woman has some shit to work through.
Additional crank - since when does feminism require perfection? I mean dudes in the public eye often fuck up royally and are often awarded with a redemption arc. He was so brave!!!
Also. She did not engage an underage person in inappropriate txt conversation. The man did. This is his crime. Literally, a crime. No matter how forward and proactive the young lady happened to be, all fault lies in the assholes lap. He was the adult. He had an ethical and legal responsibility to shut this shit down. Even Boomers know how to block a number.
So, yes. She is a feminist. Yes, she used poor judgement and treated a young woman unfairly.
Also. Blaming Txt-Teen is awful. Same idjits who think Lolita is a star crossed romance
Additional crank - since when does feminism require perfection? I mean dudes in the public eye often fuck up royally and are often awarded with a redemption arc. He was so brave!!!
Also. She did not engage an underage person in inappropriate txt conversation. The man did. This is his crime. Literally, a crime. No matter how forward and proactive the young lady happened to be, all fault lies in the assholes lap. He was the adult. He had an ethical and legal responsibility to shut this shit down. Even Boomers know how to block a number.
So, yes. She is a feminist. Yes, she used poor judgement and treated a young woman unfairly.
Also. Blaming Txt-Teen is awful. Same idjits who think Lolita is a star crossed romance
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