Bored. Six months of lockdown, tired of Netflix, suffering from zoom fatigue. Half a bottle of whiskey. Unwise drunk-ordering off Amazon and probably Wish.
That was the likely sequence that resulted in what he had before him.
A plain brown box sent from an address overseas, it had probably been delivered a few days ago, before the rain, but he hadn't been out the front door in almost a week.
Inside?
It looked like...like maybe ...nah.
"Please tell me I didn't drunkenly order a flesh-light and buttplug." He shook his head.
Shit, the packaging looked like standard knock-off fare, cheap and flimsy, but the device inside looked, as near as he could tell, like a pretty well built device, well packed. Probably one of those things where the factory made twice as many adult toys to spec as they'd been commissioned to and decided to sell the rest themselves through shady sites. Still, though he had no recollection of ordering this, Andy figured he should at least check it out for the amusement factor.
It was either a flesh light or a fancy cock pump, he figured. There was a butt plug and a USB dongle-plug thing that looked like one of those Logitech universal bluetooth things. It was clearly a set -- some kind of high tech masturbation toy set -- but it looked pretty space age, all dark space gray satin finish Apple-quality finish on it. Separately, there was a new computer mouse.
And separately, but efficiently, a half liter bottle of what seemed to be lube, and some other gel. Both had writing in some asian language and some crude drawings of men making an O-face.
Okay, he DEFINITELY didn't remember ordering this. He'd have to check his credit card later.
Meanwhile, the rain had destroyed the packing slip taped to the outside, and there was nothing in the -- wait...
Congratulations on purchase of super happy fun time divise for hungry male for sex time. Enjoy self pleasing times with a full set. Please use as obvious, control is by computer. When put on, plug in. Computer will show proper technique for use. Control from laptopp or deck top. Being safe use recommend. Lubratory is best. For best seal also use special gel included. Website refill. Secure pay. Follow direction for best effect and superior sexing pleasure of self.
He chuckled at the terrible English, but realized that he was actually bored and horny, and that was a combo that rarely hit.
Fuck it, he might as well see how it worked, right? He had an old laptop that was probably perfect for this sort of nonsense.
He booted the old PC and unwrapped his new toys. He'd never used a flesh light before and was kind of curious anyway -- same with the other toy, which was an oddly shaped (but obvious) butt plug. Each had a pull tab that presumably allowed the battery to make contact and power the device.
Andy squinted at the direction sheet, and concluded that he should use the lube, but also the gel, to ensure both lubrication and a proper seal for the flesh light.
While the aged laptop groaned and clicked its way to wakefulness, Andy broke the seal and poured some lube into his hand -- and began to stroke himself. It tingled slightly, but man, it was damned near frictionless. He quickly found his fuckstick eagerly blossoming to its normal 6.5-inch length, curving just a tiny bit up and to the left.
"I guess I'm supposed to put this on before I put the USB thingie in?" Well, he was hard enough, so in he went. He prodded through the lube-slick anus-shaped opening, noting that the plastic chamber was pretty large.
Ohh that felt pretty nice, actually. He bet it would feel even better once he turned it on.
A cheery BONG!! alerted him to the old laptop's status, and now that Windows was fully open, it was time to plug in the dongle.
The second the system allowed him to do anything, he verified that anti-virus was in play, and then, after a moment's thought, stuck the dongle in the side of the laptop.
WELCOME TO SUPER HAPPY FUN TIME MALE SELF PLEASURE KIT
PLEASE ENTER USER NAME AND PWD
He did so.
WELCOME ANDY. REGISTERING TWO DEVICES NOW.
Sure enough, the flesh light blinked a few times, then the other device.
COCKSLEEVE 220 ATTACHED. BUTT BUDDY 240 NOT ATTACHED
PLEASE INSERT BUTT BUDDY FOR CALIBRATION
Andy eyed the butt plug -- he'd never tried one before -- but what the hell, right? A heathy squirt of lube, a gentle probe with his finger, and he was in.
Whoa, that really wasn't bad at all. His butt, all things considered, seemed more willing to give this a try than his brain was. He withdrew the two fingers he'd managed, and with a firm and rather pleasurable push, the butt plug was in.
BUT BUDDY CONNECTED. CALIBRATING.
And intense set of sensations followed, cascading in waves that concentrated on his dick and ass, both of them pulsing just slightly out of sync, which made things a bit uncomfrotable....but eventually the pulses were timed just right. Huh, that was actually kind of nice and relaxing...
CALIBRATION COMPLETE.
APPLY SEALANT NOW FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT.
Huh? Oh that other gel.
Unsure of the precise requirements, Andy squirted some of the gel onto his hand and, as requested, began to apply it near where the cock sleeve met his dick. A pleasant, warm, tingling sensation began.
CLICK AND HOLD BUTTON TO ENGAGE THE DEVICES. USE MOUSE TO CONTROL INTENSITY AND DURATION.....
"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Andy thought...
That was the likely sequence that resulted in what he had before him.
A plain brown box sent from an address overseas, it had probably been delivered a few days ago, before the rain, but he hadn't been out the front door in almost a week.
Inside?
It looked like...like maybe ...nah.
"Please tell me I didn't drunkenly order a flesh-light and buttplug." He shook his head.
Shit, the packaging looked like standard knock-off fare, cheap and flimsy, but the device inside looked, as near as he could tell, like a pretty well built device, well packed. Probably one of those things where the factory made twice as many adult toys to spec as they'd been commissioned to and decided to sell the rest themselves through shady sites. Still, though he had no recollection of ordering this, Andy figured he should at least check it out for the amusement factor.
It was either a flesh light or a fancy cock pump, he figured. There was a butt plug and a USB dongle-plug thing that looked like one of those Logitech universal bluetooth things. It was clearly a set -- some kind of high tech masturbation toy set -- but it looked pretty space age, all dark space gray satin finish Apple-quality finish on it. Separately, there was a new computer mouse.
And separately, but efficiently, a half liter bottle of what seemed to be lube, and some other gel. Both had writing in some asian language and some crude drawings of men making an O-face.
Okay, he DEFINITELY didn't remember ordering this. He'd have to check his credit card later.
Meanwhile, the rain had destroyed the packing slip taped to the outside, and there was nothing in the -- wait...
Congratulations on purchase of super happy fun time divise for hungry male for sex time. Enjoy self pleasing times with a full set. Please use as obvious, control is by computer. When put on, plug in. Computer will show proper technique for use. Control from laptopp or deck top. Being safe use recommend. Lubratory is best. For best seal also use special gel included. Website refill. Secure pay. Follow direction for best effect and superior sexing pleasure of self.
He chuckled at the terrible English, but realized that he was actually bored and horny, and that was a combo that rarely hit.
Fuck it, he might as well see how it worked, right? He had an old laptop that was probably perfect for this sort of nonsense.
He booted the old PC and unwrapped his new toys. He'd never used a flesh light before and was kind of curious anyway -- same with the other toy, which was an oddly shaped (but obvious) butt plug. Each had a pull tab that presumably allowed the battery to make contact and power the device.
Andy squinted at the direction sheet, and concluded that he should use the lube, but also the gel, to ensure both lubrication and a proper seal for the flesh light.
While the aged laptop groaned and clicked its way to wakefulness, Andy broke the seal and poured some lube into his hand -- and began to stroke himself. It tingled slightly, but man, it was damned near frictionless. He quickly found his fuckstick eagerly blossoming to its normal 6.5-inch length, curving just a tiny bit up and to the left.
"I guess I'm supposed to put this on before I put the USB thingie in?" Well, he was hard enough, so in he went. He prodded through the lube-slick anus-shaped opening, noting that the plastic chamber was pretty large.
Ohh that felt pretty nice, actually. He bet it would feel even better once he turned it on.
A cheery BONG!! alerted him to the old laptop's status, and now that Windows was fully open, it was time to plug in the dongle.
The second the system allowed him to do anything, he verified that anti-virus was in play, and then, after a moment's thought, stuck the dongle in the side of the laptop.
WELCOME TO SUPER HAPPY FUN TIME MALE SELF PLEASURE KIT
PLEASE ENTER USER NAME AND PWD
He did so.
WELCOME ANDY. REGISTERING TWO DEVICES NOW.
Sure enough, the flesh light blinked a few times, then the other device.
COCKSLEEVE 220 ATTACHED. BUTT BUDDY 240 NOT ATTACHED
PLEASE INSERT BUTT BUDDY FOR CALIBRATION
Andy eyed the butt plug -- he'd never tried one before -- but what the hell, right? A heathy squirt of lube, a gentle probe with his finger, and he was in.
Whoa, that really wasn't bad at all. His butt, all things considered, seemed more willing to give this a try than his brain was. He withdrew the two fingers he'd managed, and with a firm and rather pleasurable push, the butt plug was in.
BUT BUDDY CONNECTED. CALIBRATING.
And intense set of sensations followed, cascading in waves that concentrated on his dick and ass, both of them pulsing just slightly out of sync, which made things a bit uncomfrotable....but eventually the pulses were timed just right. Huh, that was actually kind of nice and relaxing...
CALIBRATION COMPLETE.
APPLY SEALANT NOW FOR MAXIMUM EFFECT.
Huh? Oh that other gel.
Unsure of the precise requirements, Andy squirted some of the gel onto his hand and, as requested, began to apply it near where the cock sleeve met his dick. A pleasant, warm, tingling sensation began.
CLICK AND HOLD BUTTON TO ENGAGE THE DEVICES. USE MOUSE TO CONTROL INTENSITY AND DURATION.....
"Well, I'm not going anywhere," Andy thought...