Confusing signs from a straight guy

[thechubbyrants]

Hello,

I'm new here. Hope I'm in the right forum.
But I want to ask opinion from the straight guys here.
I'm a gay man, 32, single.
I have this co-worker who is a straight boy, 22, with a girlfriend.

What happens is, everytime I talk with him, he always finds a way to make it sexual. Like, how I would not believe how big his dick is to which I reply I don't care. Because I really am not attracted to straight men, normally. But his jokes are making me desire him.

He says that he only is really staying in our company because of me.
That he messages me more than his girlfriend.
He gives me chocolates, when he doesn't even give his gf anything.
He also jokes about how I should show my him my dick.

He always want to sit next to me, and always want to hear stories about my lovelife. He always wants to drink with me, and get me drunk so that he can hear my stories.

He also teases me a lot. Like how he likes how soft my tummy is (I'm a chub), and how he likes leaning his back against my chest. Is it just because he's young?

Is it normal for straight men to be like this with gay men?
Is it the age difference? Is he just joking around?
Or is he curious? I'm going crazy thinking should I make the first move? But, wouldn't it be inappropriate given the age gap?

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much about it when there really isn't anything?

I will quit my job soon, and I'm also really only staying because of the friendships I built with my co-workers. He's one of the major reasons why I keep holding on even when the company treats us like crap.

 

[huguest]

First rule, no relation on the work ground.
second, he's playing with you. not a good sign, even IF there where something, he's already in a relation. not the kind of person you want to meddle with.

Third, ask question first, be blunt your leaving anyway.

 

[cofrader]

You mean that I’m only a box of chocolates away from scarlet Johansson? I won’t leave the house without them now.
Really, if he is straight he knows how to advance on a relationship , trust me, to get a girlfriend he must row up the river.
Leave the ball on his side, when he brings you chocolates tell him you are serious man that he should ask your parents your hand.
Anyway why someone does something ? We could have a different answer for every person.
Are you certain he is not pulling you leg? That he is not accomplishing a weird bet?
Take in consideration the bugs bunny factor, he seduced Elmer because he could, because it was fun to make fun of him who knows.

 

[techpump]

He's gay. Or strongly bi, leaning more for men.
He has a girlfriend because that's what society says he should have.
Guaranteed he's gay for you. I just bet he is.

 

[longstroke7]

He's definitely not straight lol.

 

[thechubbyrants]

Update. Remember he told me that he messages me more than his GF. So I told him, that's not a good way to take care of his relationship with her. I told him, he should always keep her updated even when she's not asking him to, and to always make her feel special if he really loves her. And now he does. He always make it a point to take photos of the group when we go for after work dinner with the team. He messages her when we're on our coffee breaks, etc.

I also told him that I don't appreciate his sexual jokes, and asked him if he's purposely doing it since he knows I'm gay. He said he didn't and it was just really his humor.
I don't believe it.

Reading all your replies, I became cautious.
I thought, maybe he was doing that to get a reaction out of me. I was known as the only man-hating gay-man in our office. Because again, I find it stupid to fall for straight men who wouldn't feel any attraction to me, so why should I be attracted to them, right?

So I thought that him being young, it could be he wanted me to desire him so he can boast about it. I know, I know...
I sound very narcissistic here. But I've been hurt, a lot.
I need to protect my heart. And I'd rather really stay single tbh. I also don't want to be in a relationship with someone 10 years younger than me anyway, so I decided to keep things professional.

He still always sits next to me at work. He still always makes jokes, trying to get me to smile or laugh. When I don't, he asks if I'm okay. Which I think I am.

I'm also a candidate to be transferred to a new client account, which I have mixed feelings about. It's a chance for promotion, but also I would have to leave all the great friends I made. I'll cross the bridge when I get there.

In any case, we're still good friends. But I guess I have drawn a line for me and I'm at peace with my decision. When I look at him, I now just see a younger brother I never had. No sexual desires. No fantasies. He's about to leave the company too, to pursue a different career in engineering. So I guess I made a pre-emptive strike...


Thank you for your replies.

 

[cofrader]

I’m glad it’s all clear.
About the messages I had a coworker who would have phones conversations with his girlfriend answering only yes and no and a love you before he hung up.
Whatever works for a couple is the right amount.

 

[Strapguy]

It sounds like he’s setting you up. Don’t make a move! Either he’s doing it to screw with you or he’s gonna go right to HR saying that you made inappropriate advances at him.

 

[Drummerjock]

Hello,

I'm new here. Hope I'm in the right forum.
But I want to ask opinion from the straight guys here.
I'm a gay man, 32, single.
I have this co-worker who is a straight boy, 22, with a girlfriend.

What happens is, everytime I talk with him, he always finds a way to make it sexual. Like, how I would not believe how big his dick is to which I reply I don't care. Because I really am not attracted to straight men, normally. But his jokes are making me desire him.

He says that he only is really staying in our company because of me.
That he messages me more than his girlfriend.
He gives me chocolates, when he doesn't even give his gf anything.
He also jokes about how I should show my him my dick.

He always want to sit next to me, and always want to hear stories about my lovelife. He always wants to drink with me, and get me drunk so that he can hear my stories.

He also teases me a lot. Like how he likes how soft my tummy is (I'm a chub), and how he likes leaning his back against my chest. Is it just because he's young?

Is it normal for straight men to be like this with gay men?
Is it the age difference? Is he just joking around?
Or is he curious? I'm going crazy thinking should I make the first move? But, wouldn't it be inappropriate given the age gap?

Or maybe I'm just thinking too much about it when there really isn't anything?

I will quit my job soon, and I'm also really only staying because of the friendships I built with my co-workers. He's one of the major reasons why I keep holding on even when the company treats us like crap.

Gay baiting. He may simply like your attention. Young men often wants attention from really anyone! He could also be curious.
Anyway, based on the update, it seems you had taken a very level headed action.

but more importantly, try find a new company, it sounds like an awful situation!

 

[Thixstic]

Let’s face it, when you are young you do not know fully what you want. Even if you have a really good grasp on this you are still probably going to be awkward. Especially in todays society due to the fact young people communicate primarily by electronic device and rarely face-to-face. I am straight but interested in all peoples perspectives. If you work hard with people you will more than likely form strong bonds with them. I have many many good friends that are obviously straight as well but we joke with each other very inappropriately. Very often even taking it to the sexual side. It is just playful banter and usually in an attempt to “one up” the other guy. This is no disrespect to anyone but most people know what appeals to them. Usually if you push “the other guy” to the point where they give in and go wtf? You are the unofficial winner, lol. This just comes from my life of working with rough individuals. I have also had many moments when talking to friends about serious situations and simple human compassion comes out if you are a caring person. Especially if you really care for that person (hence, eye contact, changes in body language and maybe even supportive physical contact ). I can see how this could possibly be viewed as sexual if the other person is unsure of the other party’s sexual preferences. Not saying that this is your situation but I have talked seriously with many females in the past and often wondered later if it was simply human compassion or did she see something beyond that. Humans are complicated, relationships even more so. I agree with many that said work relationships are usually a not a good idea, I also agree with the majority that said tread lightly, but at the same time my personality type is if you’re gonna go for it go all in but be prepared to face the consequences. They may outweigh the risk. I commend you on the amount of thought you have put into this prior to acting and for also seeking the opinion of others. Please remember though, our opinions are worth what you paid for them and I for one am no professional in this field. Good luck to all!

 

[dreamer20]

I'm 32 ...my co-worker is 22...everytime I talk with him, he finds a way to make it sexual. I'm normally not attracted to straight men...But his jokes are making me desire him. He says that he only is really staying in our company because of me...He wants to sit next to me and to hear stories about my lovelife. He drinks with me...gets me drunk so that he can hear my stories. He also teases me...Like how he likes how soft my tummy is (I'm a chub), how he likes leaning his back against my chest...I will quit my job soon, and really only staying because of the friendships I built with co-workers. He's one of the major reasons why I keep holding on even when the company treats us like crap.

Your age difference and sex orientations are irrelevant. You have a good rapport with one another. Be happy to have a very affectionate friend and be affectionate too. Yet recognize his jokes are nothing more than jokes. Don't jeopardize your friendship by making a sexual advance on him. It seems that you might not quit your job. If you do, I hope you keep in contact with your friends.

 

[thechubbyrants]

Update. Our entire team was transferred to the new client account. I'm tasked to supervise the team and make sure we hit our goals.

That said, I had the authority to decide where each member will be seated. And I sat him to the farthest cubicle from me.

I have no plans of taking advantage of his curiosity. To be honest, after the last update I posted, he kept on insisting he want to have a drink at my home and sleep here - I live alone. He also kept on saying how he likes how I smell. He also always asks me to watch him play basketball, which I unfortunately hate since my ex was an extremely closeted pro player in my country. He'd also always joke about how he'd leave his girlfriend if I tell him to. He always asks for help regarding work, even if the answer to his question is just literally on the next page of the document just so he can get me to walk all the way to him. He always want to be included in the conversations I have with other co-workers and would say he feels left out otherwise.

I don't get why he would go through all this.
Other straight men in our team his age aren't like this.
The ladies have noticed his behavior too, which they find odd. Although, he would always joke how another girl co-worker has a secret crush on him. Maybe he's really doing this to get the reaction he wants? The girl mentioned prior had no interest in him at all. In fact she is disgusted with him. I thought I was the narcissistic one, but maybe he is?

In any case, I am at my wits end because of the job. At first I thought I can last a little longer here, but the management just got worse as they want to write people down for getting sick, forcing sick employees to report to work and spread the flu virus even more so that more people get sick. I got written up for refusing to write my people up. HR said it's within company guidelines, but I disagree and find it really inhumane.

Then he gets added to my stress levels for not knowing what he fucking wants from me. I'm old, and I won't lie that it makes me feel a little tingly inside with the prospect of him liking me... BUT, it's exactly because I'm old why I am careful. I don't want to be old and desperate. So I guess I'll keep distancing my self from him.

This update is long. Sorry bout that.

 

[dreamer20]

Update:I supervise the new client account team & make sure we hit our goals. I decide where a member sits and sat him farthest from me. He's wanted to drink at my home and sleep there. <I've refused him.> He often asks for help at work...to get me to walk..to him. He wants to be included in other coworker conversations...he feels left out otherwise.<I'm stressed now the management's> ...forcing sick employees to stay & make more people sick <or get written up for absences>. I got written up for refusing to write my people up. <As for him> I'm being old & careful. I don't want to be old and desperate. So I guess I'll keep distancing myself from him.

I hope you still have a good rappport with him, but he isn't taking your new supervisory role seriously. Please take him aside for a private chat thechubbyrants. Tell him you need him to act professionally at work - that the joking etc. must stop when you are there. In order for you to supervise the team effectively he must to tend to his own duties instead of inserting himself into your duties involving other workers. Friendship aside you need to ensure that he can respect and follow your directives at work. I hope he can be converted from a hinderance to a help for you at work.

and now for some comic relief:

 

[thechubbyrants]

I've tried multiple times to tell him that I would appreciate it if he stopped with the innuendos, as the other teammates seem to br getting the wrong idea. I'm pretty laid back, and I'm okay with funny banter between us, and asked them to treat me as an equal rather than a boss, that way I think we can build a great relationship and trust with each other and increase productivity, which works as we are currently exceeding goals on a daily basis.

But I guess he's just stubborn. I usually don't acknowledge his jokes or innuendos anymore. But it still bothers me. And I really think he just wants to prove something to himself with me reciprocating his advances. He has that kind of macho mentality where I think he thinks everyone desires him.

 

[techpump]

He's not straight no way. He likes the way you smell? Sorry, I might like cock and I've actually sucked one before, but I am not in any way shape or form interested in the way a man smells, or if its good or not. If that guy told me that I'd be like ewwwwww dude get the fuck away from me. I know it can be a compliment for a man because biologically, men smell a bit worse than women, so if a man does smell good, that's saying something pretty damn good about him.

Which is why its either a compliment a gay man would give to any man, or a woman would give to a man. If a person tells another person they "smell good" its clear indication that they have no problem with getting very very close to the good smelling person. I mean, what's the point for the compliment? I imagine the compliment-giver feeling like if they were closer to that person, it wouldn't be foul or repulsive, aka "I'm game to get close, real close, to you and letting you know that your scent is not preventing my want for you."

I'm kind of feeling like if other coworkers especially women are being weirded out by this guy or take note and don't like him much for his attitude, lies, jokes, etc., it sounds like he might be written up by HR for sexual harassment. To me it seems like he has been harassing you because YOU ARE ANNOYED AND BOTHERED BY HIS BEHAVIOR TOWARDS YOU. That's harassment, maybe not where you live, but in America, a woman could claim this and there'd be something happening to that guy. He needs to move on. His attraction to you is clear and obvious, a fool could see it. He wants to drink with you alone at your house and stay the night? I tell my good friends I want to do this with them too, but we've been best friends for like 20+ years and we have our women to be with. We just chill and party like we always have. But this guy, he doesn't hang out with you and you aren't his friend, right? So why stay at your place?

He is gay, probably not bi, and he's hot as fuck for you, and I'm sorry! Keep track of every comment everything he says to you, all his distractions during work, his constant bothering you for help he doesn't need, keep track of it all and build up a case to call him out for sexual harassment. It sounds like it to me, maybe others here see it the same way?

 

[dreamer20]

He's not straight no way. He likes the way you smell? I am not interested in the way a man smells... good or not. If told that I'd be like dude get the fuck away from me. I know it can be a compliment for a man because biologically, men smell a bit worse than women, so if a man does smell good, that's saying something pretty damn good about him. Which is why its either a compliment a gay man would give to any man, or a woman would give to a man.

^^Actually that claim is false techpump. Either sex can smell bad if they didn't practice good hygiene. What is true, statistically, is most women possess a keener sense of smell than men - with me being an exception. Cologne/ perfume fragances I encounter may be a delightfully pleasing or nauseating experience for me. In the former case, if I liked the fragrance you wore, I would indeed compliment you for it. Just as easily were I to like your clothing- I similarly would want to know what fragrance you were wearing and where I could purchase it. Of course the coworker of the OP would be a different kettle of fish.

Attn OP:
At least you have talked to him about his behaviour thechubbyrants. Consider him to be your both amusing and sometimes annoying little brother until you have quit your job.

 

[techpump]

^^Actually that claim is false techpump. Either sex can smell bad if they didn't practice good hygiene. What is true, statistically, is most women possess a keener sense of smell than men - with me being an exception. Cologne/ perfume fragances I encounter may be a delightfully pleasing or nauseating experience for me. In the former case, if I liked the fragrance you wore, I would indeed compliment you for it. Just as easily were I to like your clothing- I similarly would want to know what fragrance you were wearing and where I could purchase it. Of course the coworker of the OP would be a different kettle of fish.

Attn OP:
At least you have talked to him about his behaviour thechubbyrants. Consider him to be your both amusing and sometimes annoying little brother until you have quit your job.

Oh yes, well dang absolutely women can small bad too!! Sorry I didn't think of that, my mind was on the odd situation of the OP and this "straight" man he works with. I don't find it to be as bad as men in all my encounters working with and being with both men and women. My field of work is mostly work outside unsheltered and I must say, while I've worked with women more than men maybe 2:1, the men by far are the most horribly stinkier of the genders! At their worst, women smelled maybe 20% worth the bad stench of the average super stinkmaster dudes. I mean, some members of my team couldn't even ride in the same vehicle as some of my worst male stinkbombs. These guys, it was like "go to a doctor wow" level. I have keen sense of smell and its too good sometimes. I make my wife crazy over what I can smell that she can't. If I lost my sense of smell life would be pretty boring for me!
I'm very sensitive to perfumes and colognes as well, and in all honesty, I haven't complimented anyone on their fragrance in years because I'm just not in situations where I'm around people wearing it. If they do, wow its super noticeable. Sometimes very wonderful. Sometimes its like Satan breathing into my nostrils. My wife can't wear any though, perfumes irritate the fuck out of her skin and nose; she's super sensitive to perfumes.

The coworker of the OP is indeed a different kettle of fish!!

 

[thechubbyrants]

Thank you to you both.

I definitely consider him as an annoying little brother. But I'm an only child, so I guess I can only tolerate so much...

When he said he liked how I smell, it wasn't about the fragrance I was wearing. He said, compared to other chubby men who smells like vinegar (we're in a tropical country, so I guess fat people sweat a lot), I smelled nice and clean and he likes it. At best I wear a baby cologne, since I find that wearing perfume at the office is a little too much as I'm not really trying to catch anyone's attention.

This happened when I thought I smelled something funky and asked him if he showered. He did, and it wasn't him that was stinky. We never found out who did though.

I still don't believe he's gay. I think he's just really a very pesky little dude who likes the attention. But if a straight guy says this isn't something a straight guy would do... Then I guess he'll just have to discover what he wants, by himself.

I've switched up our schedules so that I see him less too.
I'll see if that changes things.

 

[CockMySuck]

I've tried multiple times to tell him that I would appreciate it if he stopped with the innuendos, as the other teammates seem to br getting the wrong idea. I'm pretty laid back, and I'm okay with funny banter between us, and asked them to treat me as an equal rather than a boss, that way I think we can build a great relationship and trust with each other and increase productivity, which works as we are currently exceeding goals on a daily basis.

But I guess he's just stubborn. I usually don't acknowledge his jokes or innuendos anymore. But it still bothers me. And I really think he just wants to prove something to himself with me reciprocating his advances. He has that kind of macho mentality where I think he thinks everyone desires him.

It sounds like sexual harassment to me. Incredibly inappropriate in the workplace and he needs to stop.

 

[thechubbyrants]

Someone told me that he could be a Narcissist, and what he's doing could be love bombing to manipulate me. Which I think is true.