This is a great thread with some equally great responses. I agree with the notion given by many, that often times culture dictates how men interact with and show non-sexual affection to one another.
I think we are, right now, in one of those generational cycles of change throughout the world. Many things once thought taboo or not even permissible to be discussed in public have been thrust into societal discourse.
Men openly showing other men affection is one of those things that was once a lot more taboo than it is nowadays and I’m sure glad for it. One of the most beautiful trends I have seen in the last few years is dads who kiss their sons. Usually on the forehead but some on the cheeks, lol. I never saw this once IRL while growing up.
Still, a lot of it does have to do with what age and era you grew up in. I grew up in the 80s and 90s in America and I was groomed to believe that, if you were a man I wanted to show affection to, you were getting the hand-shake and half hug where we kinda touch shoulders. I might bring my other arm around to make it an almost full hug if I truly liked you lol.
But that was all built on the faux machismo that pervaded mines and many other young male minds who grew up in the 90s.”better not get too close, that’d be gay….” It was a very close-minded way of thinking and sadly some still think that way.
One of those great generational changes I alluded to above is that I believe we are beginning to understand that men/males/boys need space to be emotionally vulnerable or insecure and not have it held against their manhood.
Last year, I saw my coworker whom I hadn’t seen in nearly 14 months when CoVid started. We still worked for the same company and talked via zoom several days a week for work so it’s not like we hadn’t interacted. Just hadn’t physically been in the same place. So we just decided to meet in a mall parking lot that was midways between our houses and talk in-person just because it had been so long.
When I got out of my car and walked around, we were both really grinning like two goofy 15 year old buds that hadn’t seen each other over summer break. I started to give him that kinda half hug that I mentioned above and he muttered under his breath “man, come here”and proceeded to give me the warmest, tightest hug for about 3-4 seconds.
I don’t hug many men fully that way and I felt a little awkward but I didn’t realize how much I truly needed it. We sat out there on the hood of our cars for what must have been almost two hours. Laughing, commiserating about our marriages, kids, the company and all manner of things. There were several points where I put my hand on his shoulder or he gave me the light punch in the arm when we’d get into something really funny and such…. It was a good time. The only thing missing was a few beers to clank to solidify the good time being had. It’s in that same vein of affection that
@ronin001 articulated in his post above. When we got ready to leave we hugged again, a bit less tight but another full hug. It felt really good just to feel the warmth and strength of another man and I did not feel any attraction or sexual undertones to it.
There are a number of little subtle things that men do that demonstrate affection.
